TE AWAMUTU GOSSIP.

Waikato Times, Volume XXVI, Issue 2167, 29 May 1886, Page 3

T E AWAMUTU GOSSIP.

_ „ . — — ■ - A beaming, bright, ruddy-checked old gentlemen, who inherited a beautiful impediment in his speech, went into a chemist's shop to buy some ii>ecacuanha. The assistant behind the counter, although apparently no suave and demure, was a graduate from the same college as Bob Sawyer, and was dowered with such a skinfull of fun that Home of it 'vas bound to leak out upon the slightest provocation m it*, uncontrollable effervescency. The benevolent old gentleman approached and mildly asked with hesitating voice for threcpennorth of lp-ip ip. Hurrah! cried tho chemwt's assistant, whirling aloft the pestle and thumping it down with a bang on the counter that made all the bottles m the shop laugh at the cheer. The assistant, in tho cause of fun, was justified by the happy opportunity for hi* unbusmess-hko proceeding and I am sure my readers, especially those who vegetate m this district, will allow that the 24th of May last, with its delightful Queen's weather, deserves a cheer forcondescendmg tomiiile with sunny brightness on our Birthday race meeting. Instead of a lot of drenched, miserable, Milky-look-ing people, the main features of Te Avvamutu's past races on Monday last, the scene was exciting, pleasant and fine. The hill that overlooks the course was crowded with people, whose laughing countenances and merry voices proclaimed their enjoyment. The memory of the vision there inspired a rhyme, and here it is :— •• Upon the hill the gathered fair Seemed like bright flowers blooming there. And when the day's sport was over, it was a pleasant sitrht to see— The laughing people string away Dulighted with their holiday. ' The martial music of the Cavalry Band cuddled around the hearts of those present and made them glad,;so much so, that even thoae who had staked and lost their •'bottom dollar" on the risky chance, spoke of their losses with "kismet" indifference. The members of the band got five pounds for the day's music, but, with their generous consent, the bandmaster, returned three as their contribution to Waipa Racing Club. One hundred and sixty-two pounds ten shillings went through the totalisator. The highest dividend was two pounds ten shillings, and the lowest eighteen shillings. An accident, the result of rough skylarking, happened, by which a man's leer was broken or his ancle dislocated, I am not sure which, but I think it was the former. Much sympathy was felt for the injured persou, whose holiday ended so painfully. On the evening of the 24th a negro •-', minstrel entertainment took place in the * Public Hnll. I have been asked by several people to say something about it. I am in the right humour for I feel just as jocular as a mute at a funeral. To see if f. am warranted in detailing it and by so doing, try to raise a smile on tho ** glum" face of " General Depiession," I have been conning a list of ratepayers' names, and I find, for surely eveiy ratepayer takes tho 4f Times" that the circulation of, this paper in this district is somewhere about a million copies, more or lei", or if at present it does not quite reach up to seven figures I see no earthly reason why it should not in time. As so many people have indirectly expressed a wish to see the " Negro Minstrel Entertainment " over again, I now attempt it, And bow to my " desul head" audience, for I admit all free, and have left my hat at home, so as not to be tempted to scud it around wheu my critical entertainment is Well, the hall was benntif ully decorated with, bare walls and naked rafters. The Stage was slightly inclined to the audience, as if it intended to pitch its " stalkers" slap bang among the people if they did'nt applaud. A row of footlights graced its front, before which was seated the Cavalry Band, who played operatic selections from " Balfe " with their backs to the people, according to orthodox theatrical routine. The band, of course, as they usually do, played for "love." Behind the footlights and about four feet from them was the curtain. In some theatres I have heard the "gods "call the curtain a "rag" but the theatre-going "gods" of Te Awamutu failed to express an opinion about it, although a feeble voice once cried out " up ' with the clout." The curtain, rag, clout or * whatever else you like to call it had a •lady's back figure on it, who appeared to bs hesitating and solving the problem in front of a door, as to which was which, the door too small for her to enter through, or her ladyship too big for the door. An animal somewhat like a " pug stood on the door step and silently barked at the audience. The curtain arose, and eleven descendants of Ham, seated on yellow chairs, fixed the people with their rolling eyes. Although there was eleven highly polished " gcinmen " on the itage, the onus of the performance rested upon Massa Johnson, Bones Tambo, and niggers Buckingham and Johnson. A lady preluded at the piano, and accompanied tho coloured gentlemen in their songs. An overture by the band opened the proceedings, and then Tambo (Mv Storey, who came from Auckland expressly to perform), sang "Golden Slippers," which received quite an ovation of applause from the audience. Then there was a joke about '• faith," and the people here now know that the old definition is wrong, and that faith means " a leg of mutton in a boat." Then Bones (Mr Gray) sang "Susannah," and afterwards praised the fleetness of his bone, whose speed was so great that he had to tie a knot in his tail to keep it from bolting through the collar. Mr Buckingham sang " Speak kindly," "Little Blueeyes," and "The Menagerie." He also gave a stirring recitation about a burning ""hip. His songs were loudly applauded, much more so than any others that night, jifad his recitation was received with "clapJ ping" approval that must have been as gratifying as it was deserved. Mr Johnson of Alexandra sang " Mr-s Green's Mother " and "Emancipation Day," He is a favourite here, and even the disguise of his Ethiopian garb did not hide him from the suliling welcome of his numerous friends. Massa Johnson (Mr Kirkham), the " bos ntiga" of the lot, sang "Kate Thorne," ana the bachelors among the audience, as well as some of the Benedicts too, could nol resist sweet Katie's fascinations, but fell in ■love with her, and loudly expressed— in the -.usual way— their appreciation of her charms Ca*.sung by Mr Kiikham. Massa Johnson gave a riddle about a lawyer, which some thought exceedingly good, but tho subtle intricacies of which I failed to fathom. BnneB asked Massa Johnson to spell blind * PWT» but he objected to the boss's spelling, and spelt it himself thiwly, "Bind pg." " Why," cried Massa Johnson, "you have left out the iV "Yas," he replied, "a blind pig got no eyes." So you see that instruction as well as amusement given. I w*3 under the mistaken impression that it was necessary to have eyes to be blind, but now I know any person or animal that is blind has no eyes. " Data so." The shaving scene and the anatomical lecture vied with each other in their efforts to split the peoplo's sides with laughter. The whole affair was very successful, and the district owes the performers a great many thanks for their honorary assistance in a good " cause. The dance afterwards was numerously patronised. The proceeds, which amounted to £2"), will greatly assist the work of renovating Te Awamutu's Town Hall, and the shabby old burn of a hall wants it too. There! after spurring on an unwilling jade of a pen, I go to bed dissatisfied with this production, for the simple reason that it is written to order, and not composed with the unctious " vim " that ever surrounds the pleasant occupation of occasional leisure* Billt.

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