Amusing.

Waikato Times, Volume XXVI, Issue 2164, 22 May 1886, Page 2 (Supplement)

Amusing.

, " SpEJ*. .delicately-tinted faille," aiy a fn*hion authority, ''has ao artistic elFect wlien^combiued with iilu»h.' T The icd-uo-eJ-mau. will now boci tlio noce»»ity of W»Mriii#Vorcim-«i>loti'p'l tieif l>e wants frt 1 inK arti-ti snlly ifi-iit< el. The petroleum wells of upper Burraah li.ivo bo<-n worked for 2000 year-, arnl -till the-<- poor h"iithir.n b.ive never known eunuch to sr>-r up :i minor in oil. • Tiieie i* one i-tieak of convolution ia mairyiug a {.'it l with a squint. You i\'\ov wad to f.-nr her d-iriiuryou to li«ok het s'ju.ire in the f.tcc when you nre expluming how it happens that jou are late I out \our dub. \ V lilt!. b..y of tlii-. nily, nhout fivo «,t.u.s <>|tl, »iim'»niu;rd his :il»iliry tho otlie- niprhr to frame hi-* own prayer, nu.l ino'ocdtd : "0 Lorn, m.tkt* me a jrood \ioy, and if .'it first you don't j-ucceod, try air un " "Sht> put-, nu.i iri'iu*. in hi" nirs, does •.he u<.r ;- ' rtiid Mti.lii-J, vvlulo ditcus-jiujjr ,n> .i(i|u liiifun; 1!'.1 !'. "Airs?" icplie»lAmy. ''Tli.ir d i'Mi"t Ih'jjio to express it. Sho ju-t pilei oyi loin h on top of hurricanes.'' A ITI'IL ii one of our public school* rema; ked <•»♦• diy last w-fk, while reciting lii-Nioiv, th.it " tho iiivt con-^ci'Titious C'»n•jruss mrt in I'hUiioVlphiK." It has been Mi/gestod that it Wii' also the List one. "Aije you ii l*n«hibitioni»t? ' naked (Jol. Dc Stove, poisiusr hi-, p >cket flask in the air as he regarded his chanc* acquaintance pu*piuioa»\y. "lam." "Then you will excu.lo me if I drink before passmjr you the flatk. You rr.ny hide youc thought*, conceal your mind and dUjjuiae your nctiorio, but tho smell of n raw onion will ri«p in ita might and inform a aneering world how you hrtvo gathered it to your inner ra»n. It is commonly understood that tho rulera of herelitaryjmonaruhies never take ii ricifiitive ; but all this is now changed. The Cz.ir ot Rus-ia has beoome an enthuMiistic amateur photogr.ipher. lHKindivilu.il who called tisrht boits uotn.o:t ible wasn't such an idiot as he looked nfter all. for ho defended his position by siyin .' that they m.ide a man forget sill hi« other miseries He— "ls vo» r pa 5 ". Sadie ?M? M She— " Y^s, l)ii t \ou needn't be afraid to come m. for he has just gone upstairs to wind, his Wiiteiluiry watch, and lie won't be dow n again for three hours at least. 1 ' A Macox, Ga , lady luu a curious custom of bowing to each corner of a room when she enters it. Her luwbatul is a broker and made his money in corners. " Osk bumper at parting," as the drunkard paid when he ran his head against the public house door. Thkrk is an art in putting on prloves, saya a fa-hiou paper. Come to think of it, you have to get you hand in, as it were, in pntting on a irlove properly. Reading the jrreat Spurgeou's dedaraI *ion, " A cigar is a thing' to thank G«d 1 j for," a Hchoolboy bought a ci>rar. He • was afterwards -seen hanging over a fence, but ho was not eiviug thanks. 1 Ovk of our sexton«, in nuking a report of his burials', is oxpliiit to a commendable doirne, For instance, such entries as these occur : " Died, John Smith, male ; 1 aged three diys ; unmarried." 1 A URtTNKr.N lawyer was checked in 'his : anrnrnent by the judge, whwtold him he ' couldn't sorve tworb.irs at the pamo time. 1 " How shall we tieat Bi>marck?" asks an cxohnnjrp. l^er is good enough. — " New H«iven News." Nothiso like beintr exnet. Jones being • | <hirs;t.d with acsaiilc. Smi^h intimates in ■ i tho newspapers th.it lie w is not man who " . did ir. And so is the following :—: — \ " Notice. —I will not be responsible for | sinv debts contracted by my wife, Maud i Ma-y, aFter this date without my written j authority. John Blakrmore, junior, :• Adamstovrn. April 5, ISB3. I* ! The abov« is my .sou's wife, find not ,• j nine. Jcihu Rhkemore, fenior, Adamsji town. 1 A Kaxsvs journal, the Oshoru County t i News, celebrates the «oou old cow as tho i ' mother of all our bt-ef, tho preat mort- • 1 -' PP a y ci '> and she oatfhes the wolf on 3 , bet liorns and tosses linn from the door, i A.mhkjcax Bluo Points aru beating l> Fioiuli ,ii»d Poituguesß oysters out ot 3 the Knqlish market. There were rer ten cd m Liverpool m the week ending i: Januaiy 13, .i toul of 2,700 bands of i> ; o\sleis from America, nuking a total of r 36,022 this sciisoi). Further shipments v i to thrtevtfnt of 2,300 were advised for c the week following. 1 TIiKUK is livmc at Sonthsea, England, ? a lady named Abbott, who U aged 103 t year*. She was, tniiurd in ISO 3, and her i) husband, who was for many years clergy- :- man at Winchester, died 2b" years ago, c agrd 84. Mrs Abbot lecently fell down i stiirs and hurt her shoulder, and the & accident now confines her to her bed. r Previous to this t>he took regular outdoor ;. exercise. o Lakkk numbers of Austriaus of rank k and of the Austrian clergy have arranged i- for a pilgrimage to Lourdes next August. A snlondid burner is beiug worked, on if which will be represented the Virgin and v the Imperial arms. It will be presented v at the Virgin* altar by ladies of the c aristocracy. The pilgrimage will occupy is a fortnight. Navigation" in the great Burmese " river, the Irrawaddy, is impeded by a number of sand bars. These oftrn 'accumulate or shift across the channel jn a single night, and steamers might on thrm c hat c sometimes to stay there a month. A new pilot is needed about every^ten 0 miles, which is all the space he can s keep himself informed upon from day to a <m >'- Of the Brici-h National Debt Mr y Kurdett fiajs that whatever may have c been thought of it two centuries i»go, the c debt 1 is now regarded with unanimous 3 favour, to ny the least. However readily n it may have been used in emergencies in „ days gone Viy, the tendency now is just 3 the opposite. Whilst Ministers in the l t early part cf this Century created an mvv crease of national debt with a light hears " a lo cover delinquency or to meet emergency, our efforts now nre mainly directed to the' reduction and final extinction of ri the debt. In fact, the idea which half a tJ century ago was not only popular but an j accepted axiom, that a national debt n was a national advantage, has now lost j currency. c The last new thing in hats beats all 1 that has gone before it, and is scarcely , likely to be equalled by anything that can jj follow after it. Herr Luders, ofGorlitz, c has patented "a photographic hat"— or, f as wo ought rather to say, a photographing hat. The novel head-dress contains in its upper part a small photographing J apparatus and a number of prepared 1 plates. In the front of the hat there is a t-mall circular opening, behiud which the r lens is fixed. By means of a string on i the outside of the hat its wearer, wheni eyer he finds himself enjoying a pteasant ? view or attended byjan agreeable person, > can instantaneously photograph the landi scape, the lady or the gentleman, uqcont sciously within range of his instrument. I LABoccHEßEsays : "My grandfather ? was on intimate terms with Talleyrand, i One day Talleyrand said to him; 'I i always had thought that you were pos- [ sensed with a certain amount of sense, i but I see that I w*3 in error.' • Why V • asked my grandfather. 'Because,' he i replied, ' I observed in a newspaper this morning that yon had contradicted a itatei meut about yourself.' As a rule, any J one ivho replies to a newspaper on a i personal matter is an ass — especially to ) iact, accompanied by comment. The ' editor docs not like being placed in the . .wrong, and ho generally manages to have F the last word. If I saw in a newspaper a » statement that 1 had committed a ; murder, I doubt whether I should deny it. lint, if the newspaper were to askt me whether I could prove an alibi I most. ; certainly should not seek to do so."