Amusing.

Waikato Times, Volume XXVI, Issue 2161, 15 May 1886, Page 2 (Supplement)

Amusing.

Since King Theebnw's capture bo bat been taught to piny cards. He ought tob« able to hold a good hand, as he always hns at least four queen*. "Are thcue jio-ips all of ono scent?" inquired a lady of a juvenile salesman at at a State street notion store. "No ma'am," he replied, *' they are all tea cents. 1 ' An authority nay* that black eyes art indicative of pa>»sionatfl ardour in lore. But the rnlo cannot bo invariable), for we have seen some very Ifiark eyes which we are #uro indicated -i passionate arduor ia niffe — on the part of some other fellow. The qunke«t way for a young man to becomo u millionaire is to marry a millionaires*. " It is always tha beginning of Lent at our house." '• I don't understand you." " Well, we have hash Wednesday there ill the year round. " Who shall decido when the doctor* disagree ?" Alas ! sometimes the under* taker. 11 This is a long tramp," stid a policeman as ho ran in a sir foot vagrant. Nearly every day somebody unearthi an " old rhyme " of a meteorological character, such an "If February {riven much snow, a fine summer it doth fore* show :'' or "If March it full of wind and rain, the farmer will have a good crop of grain." These "old rhymes" are now manufactured in every enterprising newttpaper office, and they nro verified quit* as often as the "old rhymes" made • century ago. Here's one, for instance, that may be depended upon : •' If ia June, J nly and August no rain there be, a very dry Summer you'll surely see." — Norristown Herald. ' Mr dear, what makes the train sro," a«ked MoSwilltsen of his spouse. "The en frinc, of course," replied Mrs Mob. " Mistaken," said her hunband. " What is it, then ; I'd like to know ?" " The freight, my dear, makes tho cargo." Aud then there ensued a solemn silence. " We feel," i«ay« an Illinois exchange, "that an apology is due to Widow Grimes. In our issue of la*t week we stated that she had eloped with an eighteen-yeiu-old man. The truth ia that she was thrown from an eijrht-year-old which she was riding in a lope, and which slipped and fell. Mistakes will happen in the beat regulated newspaper office*, and we aro confident that when we state the item was sent over a telephono wire no other apology will bo needed. ' Comparisons are odious." This ii , certainly so when an oniun asserts itself against the individuality of a piece of limberger. A Chicago £?irl made a big mash a few" nights ago. She heard a kind of noise, and on getting out of bed to light the gti one of her feet went down on a burglar who had crouched down beside her bed, and mashed him so Sat that he had to be rolled up like a beef's hide in order to be carried away. 11 If all the world were blind," said an Irishman, who had just been inspecting a school for the blind, what a melancholy sight it would be." A lecthkeb, disconraing on the subject of health, inquired, " What use can a man make of his time while waiting for a doctor?" "He can make his will!" some one in the audience called out. The Due de Moray's definition of a polite man is hard to realise. " A polite man," said he, " is one who listens with interest to thing 3 he knows all about, when they are told by a person who knows nothing about them. "Have you confidence in me for a sovereign?" asked a fellow-journalist of Douglas Jerrold, when Mrs Caudle was still in embryo. " I have all the confidence, but I haven't the sovereign," was the reply. Ik a restaurant. A customer tastes a boiled egz and makes a wry /ace, which leaves a doubt about the eges fresh nesss. " Waiter," he cries, " how long do you keep your eggs?" "Until they are eaten, sir !". ; " A riferesce. is it ?" exclaimed an Irish cook, seeking a situation, when asked by the lady for recommendation. ''An' why should I give ye a riferince? It is meselt' that's got to live with you, in' not you wid me." " Tukiik is nothing like settling down," said a retired merchant confidentially to a neighbour, ( When I gave up business, I selte.led down, and soon I had quite a fortune. If I had settled up I should not have had a farthing. "Captain, we are entirely out of ammunition," said the orderly sergeant of a company of volunteers to bis Irish captiin at a late review. "Entirely out ? ' said the captain. " Yes, entirely out," answered tlie sergeint." "Then case firing,' said the captain.