A SHAMEFUL AFFAIR. (From The Wasp.)

Waikato Times, Volume xxvi, Issue 2458, 8 May 1886, Page 1 (Supplement)

A SHAMEFUL AFFAIR. (From The Wasp.)

ATarccentindustri.il celebration, when it waa desired that the business men would, with gaily decorated floats, illustrate the numerous interests of the city, there occurred a scene of such solemn character that to write of it makes the pen wriggle iv imagination of a human shudder. Silas Parkman is an undertaker. When he was requested to contribute to the fund necessary to the organisation ot the parade, he cheerfully complied. The manager complimented the liberality of Parkman, and declared that if every business man wsrc like him the city would put on a dress coat of such attractive hue that capital for investment would be drawn from all parts of the country, "I regret very much,' 1 said the manager, " That your business is of a class that cannot be properly represented by a float." ' It is a pity," the undertaker replied. " Yes, it is almost a shame. Of course your line of business is usesnl to a community, and of course we could not get along without you, but you know very well that your awful profession admits not of pomp and parade," "I understand.' 1 "Of course you do. I felt a delicacy in approaching you at first, but remembering that you have always been — in short, you are a man who wants to nee the city prosper." " Yes, lam that kind of a man. S«y, you are goinj^to represent your business, ato you not?" "Of course. The cooperage business, you know, can bo appropriately presented. I shall have several ioimi making barrels on an extensive float. Oh, I'll do < my part." "I don't doubt it," replied the undertaker. "I am always in the- front rauk when it comes to advertising for the good of the city." Excursion trains brought thousands of people from the surrounding country, and, fortun.itely, several hundred northern editors, on a tonr of free lunch and bad wine, stopped in the oity long enough to see the industrial cavalcade. The procession was formed in tho suburbs of the city. During the arrangements no little curiosity was occasioned b> the appearance of »an immense float covered with canvas. When tho man who had it in charge was asked what business it represented, and why he did not remove tbe covering, he answered both questions by remarking that it represented a very important industry, and that it would be unveiled in time. Tho procession moved. Just as it. entered a crowded street, where thousand) of people, including the visiting editors, weie assembled, the covering was removed from the mysterious iloat. Wh.it a sight was revealed. On a pUtform, trimmed in black and decorated with the dread -inspiring plumes of tbe undertaker, were three c«flSn"s. Several men, employed to conduct the details of the business, went through tho solemn manoeuvres. Each man was dressed in a shroud, and " turn about " one of them would lie down and pretend to be dead. The others would put him into a coffin and lower into a box arranged under the float. Wiion nil the coffins were filled a general resurrection would take place. Even this was not all. A bl ick placard bore, in white letters, the following inscription : "Silas Parkman, undertaker, buries people at all hours, compelled to on account of a rush of business. When sick people know that they have to be buried by Parkman sweet resignation settles upon their facos. Hurrah for Parkm-ui." The visitors were thunderstruck ; the editors were horrified, and many of them declared that the awful exhibition was an insult to the northern press. The manager, galloping up to the eerie float, exclaimed : " Get out of this procossion, you wretches.' 1 ,' I reckon not," replied a mm who took off a sbt of irray whisk en, revealing the features of Silas P.irknrin. " Yes you will. You hive insulted our visitors— you have ruined our city. Capitalists who came to witness the parade declared that they wouldn't live in nuch a town !" My dear sir," replied the undertaker, " I don't want them to live here. I don't want any ono to live here. I want them to dip, don't yon undnr»tin4 ? I paid he ivily for the privilege, and no one cm prevent me from driving around the streets. He:e, Andrews, it's your time to die.' 1 " I'll have you arrested !" howled the manager. 11 Oh, I reckon not. I paid for the privilege of showing tho growth and prosperity of my business," * It was useless to argue with Parkman, so the other business men, disgusted bec.m»e he liad the mo'-t attractive show, withdrew, leaung him in p >s«es.sion of tho entire field. Eichonoof tho northern editors wrote up tho disgraceful uff lir, and a committee recently appointed by the city council estimate that the damages to the municipality will amount to about five hundred and thirty-seven thousand dollars.