Amusing.

Waikato Times, Volume XXVI, Issue 2131, 6 March 1886, Page 2 (Supplement)

Amusing.

A [.fctcilkk, discoursing on the subject of health, UHjuirod -" What lisa can a mm mik<> of his time while wiiiting for n doctor I*"' "He can make hU will!' 1 Home <!»'• in thr- ,m>lic(ico called out. A Yor\(. gentlemin asked a yc&ng la'ly *h it ilk thought of the " married aUte m general '" " Nut knowing, can't tell," w.i". the reply; "but if you and I put our hu ids together, I could soon give you a definite answer." TWO riCTUKL*. m»->r. Hi' sped along, with heart el.ite, To inoet hi-, -wcetheait at the Rate. ihCOM). * He> flying hack, h.-ilf wild with foar, A >».i\ago bull dog in his rear. A IihNTLKMW recently c.itnc home in the '• woo sum' hours ayout the twal," and was surprised t*> find his wife cl«d in hliok. "Why are you wearing theM mourn in/ garments r ' he said, somewhat whit unsteadily. ••For my late husband,'* was the Mgnific mt reply. He has boon in thn house ever since. Tick entire newness of this little boy 1 * story the historian cannot vouch for, bat its funniness is incontestable. A youngster of five was sent to the nearrfit barber's shop to have his hair ent. " How do you want it cut V aaid the barber, " All mowed off for the summer ?"• "No ; I want it cut with a hole in it, like papa's." A little Brooklyn girl who had been sick lor some time was just finishing her evening prayer with ' ' Bless papa and mamma, ami — and " when she paused and looked up at lijr mother, " Well, my darling, what else?" "And please, Dod, oh, please, let the debbil take all the nasty medicine home with him. Amen." GOXK HUT NOT FORfiOTTE.W No more his patt'ring little feet I heir about the hall, No more his song my ear to greet No more his plaintive squall. No more his jacket can bo heard, No more his choo choo car, No more my precious little bird (Jives forth his yell—" Mam-Mar !" No. no, not dead ! The little fool S no longer with us now ; We sent him off to boarding-school — He kicked up such a row. A OIIINFAE STORY, A little srirl while playing with two dr.iiron flics a 'rilontally killed th<jm. At niirht the jrirl bec'imc feverish, aud in her delirious st.itc railed out that the dragon flics were d isliinjr about before her eyes. Her parent*, on leirninsr the story, were much agitited, and invoke! the assistance of a certain priest supposed to be endowed with supernatural power direct from heaven, and able to drive away ill evil spirits, For a given sum he was willing to subdue the genii of the dragon Hies. He came with his followers, hi» j mu«ic<il instruments and his pictures of ■ gods. Three days and nights he banged away at his jronps and "drums, calling upon e\ery deity in the pantheon, while his as-i«tants disturbed a whole block of neighbours with their shrieking trumpet*, tom-toms, and other musical contrivances. The giil s,'ot no better . the ghoxt? of tho dngon flies sMll pursued her. The parents wero in despair ; tho priest was at hu wits' end, and spurred on his followers to make greater exertions and noise. A cousin of the ffirl then heard of the matter and offered his services, which were accepted. He ordered the priest to desist from all incantation and gong beating He entered the room where tho sick giil lay, showed her two papor cut dragon flics, and gently told i her that they were the spirits of the fliet that were bothering her, that he had ciught thrm and wns going to burn I them. He then applied the paper dragon (lies to the h^ht, and in a moment the girl leaped up, radiant with joy, viewed tiic ashes of the paper flics with satisfactnn, and doclired she saw no mere of them The young mm, when asked to explain by whit magic art he had cured the gul, ivp!ioil that it was her imagination that caused her annoyance, because i t,he had been always told by her parents ' not to kill insects, as they would demand | life for life, and this, no doubt, worried | her anil brought on her delirium. Meannhile, the priest packed up his instruments, rolled up the pictures of his godi silently, and as silently stole away.— Chinese Paper. THE WW'OrTHB OLD TRVVELLER. When we reached Toledo I looked at my watch. We had barely ten minutes to aetacro«s to the Union depot and catch tho C mad.l Southern tr.tin. It looked like an impossibility, but to an old traveller there is no such word as f-a-i-1. I tossed my boy into the nearest carriage, hurled my sMer in after him, ran down the platform like a madman, tore the checks from my baggage (I always call my room my ap ivtmcnts, the check on my trunk, my check 8 , and my family physician, m"y phy»iuvnn ; there U -*o mneh embonpoint aud coup d'etat in a plural), dragged my tiunks into the carriage myself, and shouted to the astonished coachman : "An extra dollar if we catch the Canada Southern !" How that man did drive. Rickety swat over the pavements of Toledo, over a telegraph messenger boy on this corner, and within an inch of ir<>ing over a wheelbarrow at a crossing-, but tho wheelbarrow, being alone, was nv>re active thin the messenger boy, and >-o got out of the way. Over tho bridge like an arrow in spite of legal prohibition, down to the Island House, and here we are. I thrust the hackmun's pay and extra feo into his honest palm, had the trucks off the carriase before he could touch it, and whirled it away up to the baggage room. <% "Troit !" I yelled. " Lively now — hare tick't in mint !" Away I flew to the ticket office, knocking people right and left, followed by the inspiring cheers and ple-isint remarks of the multitude. "Tick't, 'Troitf I shouted to tbo agent, suatchod up my ticket, threw down my money, ran away without my change, and found my trunk checked. I seized it by the remaining handle, yanked it off tho truck, and hauling my now affrighted family along with the other hand, I lew towards the track where the Canada Southern should be standing. But a quiet, grave looking man with a railway uniform on stopped mo. " Where are you going ?*' he said quietly. "Detroit!" I yelled. "Gout o' my way, 'r I'll ride ye down." " But your train is not ready," he said, per« suasively ; " it doesn't start for nearly an hour yet. You should no get so excited. The b lgjrage master will take care of that truck and I will call you when the train is ready. The waiting- room is jmt at that further end of the station." Any man's watch is liable to run down and stop, but that is no reason why the people who loiter about the railway stations should be fools. There is too much broad, glaring publicity about our American railway stations. There should be more privacy, more exclusiveness. At every railway station where people of the upper classes are liable to be misled as to the btandard and running time of inactive watches, and be led into somewhat evtiavagant action, there should bo a long, deep, dark hole, about fifteen mile* long, extending under the nearest range of mountaing for the citizens of the upper classes to retiro into until the coarse hilarity of the vulgar crowd should [ have expended itself. — Burdette. Tiik City of Moscow boasts the largest apothecary establishment in the world. It employs over SOO laboratory and other assistants, and dispenses daily a thousand preset iptions.