ANECDOTES OF JOSH BILLINGS.

Waikato Times, Volume XXVI, Issue 2131, 6 March 1886, Page 1 (Supplement)

ANECDOTES OF JOSH BILLINGS.

Br.FOKE I left New York I called on Josh Billings with an album, and modest]}' solicited his autograph. He took it on his knees, gave his mouth a comical twist, and wrote : — Thrice is he armed who hath his quarrels just. —The Bard of Avon. And four times he who gets his blow in fu»t. — J. Billings. Josh was extremely fond of anitnnlß and had a cat in bi.s house at Albany which he gravely addressed as" William." I suggested that that was a dignified name for puss, as cats were usually called "Tom" or "Tib," or a quick, short cognomen. " But that's a special, swell, blueblooded specimen of the feline race, I wish you to know," ipjoined thehutnourist. "Recently, poor fellow, he his had fif». and since then I call him ' Fitz- William.' " When Rubensteiu was over here, he was presented to Josh, and the pianist was caieful to impress the American with accounts of the nobility of hi.s ancestors. "My family," said he lolttly, "goes back to the time of the Crusaders My researches in this directiou enabled me to discover that one of my aticestois accompanied the Emperor IJarbarossa." Josh smiled, and affecting to be immensely impressed, immediately remarked : — " On the piano, of course." A story is told of the humourist being thrown on one occasion among a batch of students in a country town near New Haven. He was tramping along with a rusty yellow dog, and entered the barroom of a hotel for some refreshments. A group of the Yale lads chanced to be there on a frolic, and immediately inter viewed Billings, whom they evidently mistook for a farmer. They inquired with affected interest after the health of his wife and children, and Josh, with counterfeited simplicity, gave them a graphic account of his family and farm "Of course you belong to the church ?'* asked one of the hoys. " Yes, the Lord be praised, and my father and grandfather before me." . "Now, I suppose you would not tell a lie ?" said one of the students. "Not for the world." " What will you take for that dog ?" pointing to Josh's cur, which was crouching beneath his chair. " I won't take2odols for that dog." " Twenty dols ! Why, he's uot worth 20 cents." "I assure you I would not take 20dols. for him. "Come my friend,"' said the student, who, with his companions, was bent on having some fun with the old man " Now you say you won't tell a lie for the world. Let me sec if you will do it for 20 dollars. I'll give you 20 dollars for your clog." "I'll not take it.' " You will not ? Here ! let mo sec if this will not tempt you to lie,' 1 added the student, producing a small bag of halfdollars, which ho built into 6iuull piles upon tho table. Josh was sitting by the table, with his lint in his hand, apparently unconcerned. " There," added the student ; thore are 20 dollars, all in Hilver; I will give you that for the animal," lush quietly raised his hat to the edge of the table, and, as quick as thought, > r tped all the money into it, except one half-dollar, aud theu exclaimed " I won't take your 20 dollars. Nineteen and a half is as much as that dog is worth ; he'd your property !" A tremendous shout from his fellowstudents clearly showed the would-be wag that he was completely sold and that ho need not look for sympathy from that quarter, ho he good-naturedly acknowledged himself beaten. — Philadelphia Times.

The loftiest flagstaff in England is the one on Wimbledon Common. It is one single spar of Vancouver pine, and is 153 ft. high. A novel method of voting was shown in the conference room of the House of Commons recently. Simply it is this :— The voter approaches a table at which sits the presiding officer. Having proved that he is entitled to a vote, ho is given a metal disc, like a cloak room ticket at the British Museum; he is then directed to a secret chamber, the door of which, when he has entered, clo^fi. He finds in front of him as many different coloured doors as there are candidate, he opens the door belonging to the candidate he favours, and drops the disc into a slot in a box containing an automatic tell-tale, and retires. Thene\t voter then enters and goes through the same performance. The inventor claims that it will register ten votes in a minute, and counting at the end of poll is done away with.— Modern Society.