Amusing.

Waikato Times, Volume XXVI, Issue 2113, 23 January 1886, Page 2 (Supplement)

Amusing.

A variable mind ii not apt to be a very able mind. Positive, wait ; comparative, waiter ; superlative, get it yourself. Woman's sweet disposition is always shown by the husband's long hair. ' ' Bewabe of imitations,' as the monkey said to the dude.— Burlington Free Press. A physician failed financially, and has thus acquired the title of <a Dr'' at both ends of his uame. " It's a great comfort to be left alone," said an Irish lover, "especially when your sweetheart is wid ye. THE MKAN THING. The dairymaid peiwively milked the goat, And pouting she paused to mutter— I wiah. you brute, you would turn to milk ! But she only turned to butcher. An American Editor offers a reward of sdol. for the best treatise on " Bow to make out-dour life attractive to the mosquitoes." " Merc? me 2 what are those horrible sounds upstairs?'* "Ob, that is nothing but dear George. I suppose he has lost bis collar stud again." BEEN ABROAD. The maiden's coming from Paree— She's been there seven weeks— And with a foreign accent she Her native language speaks. And when she comes across the foam She'll answer in this way To your effus.ve welcome home : " Aw ! Parlez voua Francais ?" ' The philosophy of one century is the common sense of the next." This would seem to indicate that the last century was sadly deficient in philosophy. "Gibcumstances alter cases," said an unsuccessful lawyer, " and I wish I could get hold of some cases that would alter my circumstances." "Greatness," remarks a philosopher of to-day " marches single file, and there can only be one man at the head of the column." Neatly said. It is very true. Come on boys. Inquiring juvenile— "ls there really a devil, mamma ?" Mother—" There are several, my child. Every person has one." Inquiring juvenile — "Well, I don't want mine." TEXT FOR THE WOMAN-SUFFRAGE. They ti,lk about a woman's sphere As though it had a limit ; There's not a place in earth or heaven, There's not a task to mankind given, There's not a blessing or a woe, There's not a whispered yes or no. There's not a life, or death, or birth, That has a feather weight of worth. Without » woman in it. A Broo ilyn woman tried to drive a policeman out of her house by hitting him with her baby. She should have asked him to hold the infant for a minute. — New York Morning Journal. " You Children turn up your nose at everything on the table. When I was a boy I was glad to get enough dry bread to eat." I say, Pa, you are having a much better time of it, now you are living with us, ain't you?" replied little Tommy. Ths earliest use of the word " pianofort,' so far as is known, was in a play bill dated May 16, 1761. The piece announced was the "Beggai's Opera." The bill read : " Miss Buckler will sing a song from Judith, accompanied by Mr Dibden upon a new instrument called " pianoforte " a woman's opinion. A white stocking is a hideous thing. A pair of them make obvious and wretchedly misplaced high liglits in an otherwise admirable picture. If I were a man, and had to live in a hous3 with white walls, and be married to a woman who wore white stockings, I should consider myself justified in making a beeline for parts unknown. If, in addition to the white walls and the wife with white stockings, I owned a marble-topped 'r-ble and a white-marble mantel- piece, I should wrap myself in a white shroud and joiu the noble army of ghosts.