The Reserved Man.

Waikato Times, Volume XXV, Issue 2087, 21 November 1885, Page 2 (Supplement)

The Reserved Man.

Ojji: Who Has the Facui/tt to Cojjce\l His Tll'^DOItTS. An Object of Dislike and Distrust— His Control Over Ilia Sympathies and ActionsImpulsive and Restrained Natures. WnEN enveloped in a cloud, folded up bythe tender caro of bin goddess mother, that pious hero /Enaep, hidden from hia friends, enjoyed the privilGgo of watohine all the proceedings, he was tasting tho pleasures of reserved character, they standing in the light to him and bo in tho dark to them. He knew all that they were about, and they knew nothing about him. He was experiencing the delight without the danger of a reservation, for he was not suspected of withholding himself. Had he been suspected— had there entered into the mind of any one of that troop of fiiends the faintest notion of the oloud that conccalrd him, what efforts would have been made to rend it, what supplications to the j goddess to unvail him before tho appointed timo, for human nature hts a detestation of concealment — ft detection which proceeds from many causes. There is cariosity, in itself a strong impulse, there is pride, and there is suspicion. Curiosity longing to peep behind the curtain, pride resenting the absence of confidence and suspicion, suggesting that whore the lock is so rigidly secured there must be some blue chamber with its unpleasant contents behind it. The reserved man, therefore, 13 an object of dislike and distrust ; but he is aleo a subject of iniereßt. Ho repels confidence, but be exciter attention ; and bo hns tho whole enjoyment of hi 3 own individuality, lie rejoices in the superiority of an unimparted knowledge. Is it not agreeablo from a high window to suivoy tho movements oi ft crowd below — dancing, laughing, fighting, crying, kissing, to analyse their agitations, to smilo at their disturbances, to be yourself secure and still a looker on who is not looked at, to be audience to a drama and to criticise the actors who cannot oritioise you? This is the privilege of tho reserved man. He conceals his emotions, he buries his feeling*, he masks his paßsions, he controls his features, every muscle is under his command; there is no snch thing with him a<J a spontaneous movement, he revels in a continued victory, he bafllan curiosity, be defeats expectation, he destroys hope. Tho power of concealment » in itself worthy of admiration ; the man wdo wears bo strong an armor must needs be a strongman, and it is the consciousness of a valuable possession that suggests tho necessity for a defence. The habit of reserve has most often it 3 origin in a disbelief in sympathy, in the existence of some qualities or some emotions with which those who are ola»sed as fellow creatures are not likely to have any fellow feeling. There it in suob characters, it may bo, a sensibility fine and true, that sinks itself deep, too delicate to mix with vulgar streams. If you would taste the purity of this water you must dig laboriously first. There is, it may be, a passionatoffpower, fervent and concentrated, too full to dribble out, too strong to dissipate itself in pretty phrases and agreeable expressions of sentiment, or perhaps an intelligence high and extended, to which viows are granted infinitely beyond the hori/on of tho general eye. Cassandra knew too much. She was not reserved, and she was, thcreforo, thought to be mad. In her mental agony she struggled with tho persecuting Phoebua. Why didst thou send me here ? Horo in the city of tho blind to dwell, With sight too darkly clear ? It was part of her penalty that Bhe was obliged to express hereelf. Men havo been distinguished from boanta.savß theloquaoious, proudly, by the gift of epeech. True, but have they not also been distinguished by the gift of eilence ? They are not constrained to wag the'r tails when thoy avo ploaerd, or to howl when they arc in extremities ; thoy are allowed to reicrve their emotioni. The human countenance, tho most delicate indication of fooling, the dial that may with its reoord fix the Bhadow of every fitting passion, can silence its indications at will and become a mere blank. A decent gravity of expression may cover anger ; tenderness may hide itself securely bohind the wall of compressed lips ;

exulfntion may bury itself under downcabl eyelids ; f. movement of joy ra*y ehclter ilbelf hoiieath thn wrinl lea of the bro'v, or tho whole fevtinc3 in comhinn»ion may bo 01 (it red by t.'jc to nmp. -.iin,; rfa«vr to sianc! at case in a' l»-"-idi n of total ie; os.' wliil? ll.e thoughts »re fu'l i f tv.r a>.d miuult. No otb»r creature lii p.i.i ha' thin power ; it it h n ir.gh jirivi ltc 1 ->\bicli riutl be used fay aU nun more or lpt- a Tiio c >» who uso r the lejs aro recocjnjpcd as tbo frank nod open *, thofte -who use it lh« more oa tho reserved and clo«o. The two ch&r' > ct<jiY aro Fometinar3 combined, aad the ekiKul diplouifitiff ia he who maintains lm revive under a free liberal sombl.tncp, whoso BinUeia raady, whose haud is extended, whoso words flow easily, but whoso mind is looked up. Courtesy is not incornpatßbls with res r rve, although the disposition of the reserved mun will frequently incline him to tho praotic of £tf oppo--ito. li 9« n rve i> rather an Bmtoorntic charr.ofcii j tic. And it w the ill bred, coareo mannered man wl'O ii the raofit often t7arruloufly Riven, wjo i^ oily, who noi3ea hi 3 acntirnenti and er tT3 into tho detail of hid domestic lifv», oE his Binall aill'ct'nr.M, and of hi 3 personal hiitory as coon as ha makes your acquaintance. S ich a mm will talk to you of hia dteeoea and of bij renmciiea, of his troubles with hii Fcrvants and of lvs <i'iarrcls with his wife, with unlimited and undocervpd freedom, if he do but meet you in a uvilroad at. Such n man n too full of himself ever to doubt the full sympathy of hia hearer. It 13 not, howiver, with the nine geritlcminly civility tha*; friendship can be satisfied politeness belongs to the Oviily Bta^o ol anquaintsneo, and the courtesies that friendHhip a^ka are of a d ff'rent kind. Frnndship will ask for a soothing, kindly tendprnpsg; and when trouUa comefi will clpim gome detronptration rf pentlo chaiity, come dmpT of fnoird P lt; y; Dvl ' no itscrved m^n will not Rivo them. ~Slnah else he muy Ri^e, but not that ; and if you attempt in such a port to diaw upon his syrapathira your note will bo dishonored. Hu atmosphere ia mcupable of radiation ; the heats of emotion may travel to hia heart, but they will not flow back again ; they will not pa«s out in either words or looks. A^lampj in Eartern eepuloheri), they remain unseen ; yet not, as thoBP, une'p^. They will liflht tho way to the act of Bicriflco and eelf d- nial, for the B&me man who in po much a miser in expression will be prodignl in acMon ; will, with that nobl^at self-denial which denies its own existence pour out its qennrous assistance. Let there be a definite, tanc'blo good to and he will giTe id at any cost to him«olf. Davotion of time, of strength, of money, of thought to the sacrifice of hia own pleasure, of his own comfort, hia own d°pircs — these things may como from him in good measure ; ho will shrink from no f-ervice but that of admitting an acknowledgment of his eervioe.

a rnirxD in amihnh In the moment of danger and anguish when you arc about to be cut down ho starts from hi<? hiding phco to your rescue. Yonv gratitude over flows ; you lay at his feet the rich abundance of your love— to have it kicked away. He will not stoop to pick it up ; hi 3 gknce ii averted, find he turns his back upon you; disappearing »<',ain among those miata in which it is his pleasure to dwell, though foramonentbeemergpd from them, and stood in that clear light of rffection which made him look so radiant. Thera are ceitain crystals which contain within thorn a hidden fire. Cold and silent forlorg, long centuiioa they may remain, but if you pubject them to the aotion of heat they will glcnm with a quick light and every particle v/ill show like a glow worm in the night. The fire within them is only elicted at a raised temperature. They mnst be warmed into life. So it is with some heaiK Their vitality is only to be recognized under the influence of a sudden glow— to be recognized only so, at least, by the general eye ; but to the skilled and delicate observer the symptoms of that vitality are to be detected even in their nor mr.l condition. Particular qualities distingmph families races and nations ; the northern races are the more restrained, the southern tho more demonstrative. The impulsive nature ia undoubtedly tho more popular, but the reserved commands n higher and deeper love. The impulsive, ardent in profession, eager in expression, in action can do no more than keep pace with promise and more commonly falls below it, while tho reserved and aeli contained, making no promise, holding out no hope, is ever in advance of his own word and the smallest aot of kindness comes from him like a deed of grace. " Dark and true and tender is the north," nays the poet, and fierca and false and fiokle i 3 tho poutfi." But this is rather in semblance than in fact._ The cold and silent north seeme true by refraining from speech ; tho hot and forward couth seems fioklo by speaking too much, for it is certain that no human being is altogether constant and consistent ; only so long as he suppresses his opinions and feelings, the changes they undergo are not found out, whilo those who are given to much speaking furnish the record of their own fluctuations, and are judged Rnd mitjadged accordingly, being often accused of insincerity where they should be rather praiaed for their candour in admitting the error of a preconceived opinion, too groat a hasto in publication beiug the only fault in which they are really guilty. Tho danger of the read 7 speaker lies in an expenditure of force, lie runs the risk of bi.ing sati ified with the good word to tho neg- | lect of the good deed, whilo the reserved man ruus the risk cf totally extinguishing tho fiie that he seeks to hide ; for affection tit last will languish to death for want of expression, and Hfo of all kinds will lo:e itself in darkneps. Il:;servc is often mistaken for shyness and sometimes for pride ; with shyness it has in truth no kindred. Bhynepa i 3 a timidity, an embarrassment in the presence ot others, which proceeds rather from tho physical condition of tho nerves than from any peculiar mental quality, l^serve is a mental effort. A baby may bo shy, but a baby cannot be reserved. Reserve is steadfast and not troubled, and, excopt where the emotions are called into play, does not effect tho flow of social intercourse. With the reserved man, so long os you remain in the regions 0! taste and fancy, yon may walk pleasantly through sunny paths and meadows and pull Bweet flowers as you go. It is only when you would enter upon the avenues of feeling that you run ogainat the high-closed gate. Wordsworth in describing a poet has dogoribed a reserved man : He is retired as noontide dew, Or fountain in a noonday g' ovc ; And you roust love him, eio to you Ho will seem worthy of your love, The outward shows of sky and earth, Of hill and valley he has viewed, And impulses of deeper birth Have como to him in nolitude. But how, may be asked, can a poet ba reserved ? Is it not the bu"inedH of his life to proolaim his passion, to detail to the publio all the conflicts, shuggles and rgnnies of his fighting soul ? Y)o<"i he not confido hi3grinfs and open the inner shrine of his heart to printer and publinher? It ii true, and yet bo could not do it to a friend. 11° can addrc-ps a pnbh'o whom ho does see, because he knows the exuot boundary of hia friend'B sympathies, whilo in that large mass of unknown, there are unsounded depths of sensibility to appeal to, and to them, a<s the player to the audience, he may make his soliloquy aloud. The height find depth of the lovo oherished toward the reserved is so deep, becauso we admire tho moro reverentially whatever is beyond the extent of our perception. " Heard melodies are sweot, bat those unknown aro sweeter yet." A"d there is "the unknown joy that knowing kilh." I? not tho fascination of the difficult and tho dark entrancing in its kind ? See how navigators are pressing on constantly to tho North Polo, at the risk of being ico bound, wrecked and miserably etarved, merely because there is something to be discovered. This affection is so high, so exalted, because it is free from the taint of self love, and does not venture to ask for a return, con-

tent with tho happities3 of esteeming a true excellence and of giving without expecting to receive. Tho impulsive man may bo despised, but cannot be hated. - Tho r^ewrvid man ni*y be hatcJ, but cannot be dfipised. Ho occup'cß the k rtre s, ho Lo'flg the strong, iropre_;n&b'a pofirion. II« U bbhind th^ wall*, and our lO.o'fi whiz pist him. He reveal-) no front to trio foe. He will tue out tho basK>t;er. Oal,v Idfc him lalte earn thn* while ho ruKea hia'haes of defence against tho enemy so 6lro".tf, h^ docs not alno close tho way to friuodJy supplier. All vittues may b3 carried ip to an C-XCOB3 whioh convtrtn them into fauka;auJ reserte, which i 3, after all, control, may pasii into a ivpelhn^ ptoicism. Huch a dencer attends iti cons' ant exorcise.