The Harlem Tramp.

Waikato Times, Volume XXV, Issue 2084, 14 November 1885, Page 2 (Supplement)

The Harlem Tramp.

DB ENTEUTAINS THK BARKIEPE* WITH BOMB ORIGINAL BAYINOB. " That's what I liko to see— a good fire ; it looks like blooming hospitality. Bat it would greatly add to my present hospitality if I had a little of the stuff that breaks up homes." " I suppose," remarked the barkeeper, " that I must treat, but what a fool a man is to put that in his mouth that steals away nil brains." "Oh, let up on that stuff," growled the tramp. " You never oould put anything in your mouth to steal away your brains. Jurt ahut oil the morality lecture and produce the old stuff." The barkeeper did. With all his faults he was good natured, and he admired the nerve of the tramp. When the tramp had disposed of the poison he said : "It makes me tired to hear a lot of moral sayings : " Man is known by the company ha keeps," " a soft answer turneth away wratn," and hundreds of other chestnuts. Why don't they some new sayings ?" " Where can they get 'em ?" tiked the bar* keeper. " Why, let 'em go to a philosopher and have 'em written; what's tho matter with that ? While on the road I wrote a lot myself. Talk about proverbs and old laying?, you ought to hear mine." 11 Let's hear 'em ?" said the bar keeper. " For nothing ?" laid the tramp indignantly. " Not much. Just proceed to wet the interior of the philosopher with another dose of insanity." "These things I have written," laid the tramp, " may not be put in choice language. They are the spontaneous outpouring! of ft heart that bleeds for humanity. Every onj of them is a gem, and deserves a place in history. I make no claims of being eduoated, but there are no flies on me when it oomes to sifting human nature down to the core. If the audience is ready the philosopher will gush. "Now, gentlemen, listen. Here are the proverbs and sayings I have invented, and any infringement will be prosecuted acoording to law. 11 A five-cent shave is better than a dirty faco. " Never judge a man by the olothes that he wears. He may have borrowed them. " A firm that pays its ofiioe boy $2 a week deserves to havo its postage stamps stolen. " It is bettor to be honest than be poor. " Good clothes make a better impression on society than a good name. " A poor man's evil deeds are a crime, a rich man's a'mistaice. " A five-cent meal, with contentment, ii better than a Dclmonico layout with a heavy creditor. " An honest politician is the nobleat work of the oreator. " A man who oan be honest on an empty etomaoh can be trusted with yonr pocket* book. " A Dog never gets drank, and consequently be is mtn'i beat friend. " One half the world don't know how the other half lives, and it don't oare. 11 Death mußt be happiness. Most of living faces are end, but nothing grins like a dead man's i-kuli. " Liars have their usefulness— they make the truth appear more beautiful by contrast. " Shabby men h.ive one consolation — piokpocketa are well dressed." " There," shouted the tramp, as he brought his fat down on the bar with a bang, " there you have a lot of sayings that are true, and can warm the hide off the old saws in one round. Now that I have enlightened your minds what is my reward ?"