A Few Reasons.

Waikato Times, Volume XXV, Issue 2075, 24 October 1885, Page 6 (Supplement)

A Few Reasons.

Why does a mount^iu look grand ? Poakoause it docs. Why do ragpickers p 7 y 'he* 1 ' calling? Why, pick cause it pfiye. Why i<? a crowded street-car acvsr full 7 B8 oars— give it ud. Why aro crab-apples sour ? Oh, be oores they is. Why does the hawthorn baar fruit ? Bighaws it does. Why does the pot-house voter get drunk? Beer-causo he does'fc have to pay for the drinks. Why do mendicants solicit alma ? Beg-oause — oh, well, beg-cause. Why does a ship sometimea drag her anchoi ? Big hawser anchor's to small, ol couise. Why do chickens eat grain ? Peck-cause it lie? easy on their craws, to be sure. Why ia the capitol building admired ? Big house it k. Why do hog 3 wallow in mud-puddlea ? Pigcau=ie they have so little mjdily-sty. Why do dogs bark ? Big-curs the tail don't wag the dog.

How Pat ISon&lit His House. "Pat," said I, the other day, to an old Irish acquaintance, " I hear you have been buying a house." " An' ii ia rnaVin' fun o' me, ye are?" said Pat. " Mukimj fun of you? No, indeed lam not. Why should I make fun of you ?" " Well, I didn't know but ye had hoard how I bought it." " Why. no, Pat," said I ; " but, oomo, tell me how it was." " Well, I'll tell ye, only yo mußtn't be afther putting it in the paper. " Yo see the bousa was a foine one, an' it wa^ advertised to be Bold at auction, because the man wa? going to build a bigger one." " Yes, so I understood, " said I. "An, says Bridget, says she: 'Pat, >• ."ia't we buy in, sure?' Biya she. An', 1 cays I, ' Biddj,' says I, ' we'll Bee,' si) j a I. " Well, when the day came I went to the auction, an' I °f,ood in the crowd, an' by-an'-by .the feller what did the tulkin 1 stood up cloto by the corner of the house, an' saya he, 1 Gentlemen,' says he, how much am I bid for tee house ?' sayt) he. " ' An, cays I, ' Pll give ye fiifceen pounds, ssv a I. " ' An, gßya he, • I have twenty alvidy,' cays he. " ' Twinty-foive,' 6aj3 I. " An' thin they commenced to bid, one an 1 anithcr an' I bid with tho rist. By-an'-by . they all siopne<T but tvo or three, cm' I had bid a hundred an' fifty. " ' A hundred and sixty,' says the man. " ' .* hundred an' sixty-foive,' says I. " An' bo we wint ou, foive an' tin pounds at a tin.c, until there was only one man lift, and he wp' round the corner vvhero I couldn't see him, but the auctioneer c^ uld poe him, because ho stood close by the corner, d'ye see ? " But I was bound to have tho house, an' I kept on a biddin' till I had bid two huudrcd an' ninety-foivo. " ' Tnray hundred,' t,iy the raurcherin' villain. " ' An, says I, * let him hava it,' pays I. •Net anither ha'penny will I give. 1 " ' Sold for thray hundred pounds,' gays the man, an' tho crowd began to go away. 11 Then, says I to mctelf, I'Jl jiat go round the ither aoide an' sco who the old idget ia that paid tbray hundred pounds for the oulci house. Sol wint round an' I mit Bridget. 11 ' Biddy,' fays I, ' wo'velost it,' s/ijb I. " ' Pat,' gay a Bhe, ' we've got it,' eayd ?hc. " ' What do you inane ?' cay* I. "' I've bought the house,' Bays bl.c. 'Cut the ould vaecal tho ither eoide mad me pay thrp.y hundred for it,' cays she. "Biddy,' skys I, 'ye m\j josh linook ma down widyerdiih-cloth,' e^ya I. " An' that's tho way I bought tho housebut don't be putting is in the paper I"

Ok what use are the two butNms at the back of a Brian's coat?— None; but in tho day* M when it waa the mark of a gentleman to^ carry a sword, they beived to ensure the « word-belt. /