UNKNOWN

Waikato Times, Volume XXV, Issue 2060, 19 September 1885, Page 6 (Supplement)

UNKNOWN

HE OPENX. " Feller mortals," said the lecturer, as he fjulpod down a glass of water and cautiously looked at the three Bhirt-buttoneinflhe bottom of the glaia, " dis human natur' of ourn am a strange muddle. We kin feel de sentiment of hate, love, indifference, sentiment, admirashun, fnar, reverence an' disgust in one ehort day. We attain do highest eminence, an' we J Bink to the lowest slums. We reverence one man an 1 hate another. Wo foel hilanoin one hour an' shed tears of sorrow the next. Stranger dan all do winds dat blow— more valuable dan any weather furnished by natur' — bold an' fearless— weak an' vasoilatin'— human natur' can bo praised an' condemned in de same breaf.

IT IS A BTDDT. • •' If we studied de natar 1 of man ag olusly as we do dat of a hose we would not tread on bii co'na so often. Man am as pliable as 'lasses if you take him right. If you take him wrong he am as brittle as gla^s an' as hard as stun. Dat am a matter we seldom* stop to consider. We take him as pleases us — not to please him. Our ideah is dat he mns, put up wid our Btylo— not to bring us to his. I has seen dozens of men who war' bo'n all right spilt by contact wid do world. Nobody took 'em jist right, an' dey wouldn't study to take odder men ri^ht.

THE RIGHT SII>K. " Some men kin be bossed — some has to bo be coaxed. Some am naterally mulish— some plastic. Some kin be reached frow deir weaknesses — some frew dcir Btrenyth. A modest man an' a proud, vain man mu 3' bo handled on teetotally dinnrent principles. We make enemies and meet wid needle3B rebuild an' refunds bckaae we fail to consider deae troofa. If cur hosd has a habit of bitin' we lay awake nii^hta to devise Borne remedy fur it. If our naybur am a nateral kicker wo ridicule h'n gnevaucts an' burlcFquo his tribulashunn. If our hoss am too high-strung to take da whip wo are keerful to keep de fofh away from him. If our naybur am too proudspirited to borrer our vhedbarrer an' lend U 3 his washboVd wo declar' him beneath our notifi an' wash our hands of de hull fam'ly.

STUDY A MAN. " It am de easiest tbing in de world to make a fripnd. Fust, locate your man. ' Second, eize him up. If he am a vain, proud man praise bin personal appearance, his horne — hia wifo, chill'cn an' Bpcecho3. No man am bo poo' an' lowly dat hn words of praise won't bouu' sweet to an egotist. 11 If be am a cross, surly, out-o'sorta cbap, feelin' sartin in his own mind dftt de woild wasn't built on correct piincipleH, cloan' try to a'gy wid him to convince him dat diaairth am all O.K. from cellar to garret. On do oontrary aide in wid bim. Growl at de world, abwe mankind an' toll him how corry you am d&t be wasn't on han 1 to manage things about 200 y'ara B.C. It will bo likodoin' up a sore toe in a greased rag. * " When you meet a man who am sort o' eneakm' frow like on da quiet — nebber heard of outside of his own raayburhood— mo'dost, un&epnmin', an' only wantin' to bo let alono, feed him on gum-drops. Tell him you have heftrd his name menahuned as oandidatc fur Alderinau. Aek him what y'ar it was when he run far de Lsgislachur. Inquar' when hia next_ book of poems am to bo publifthed. Ax him if ho am de Smith who invented de comet. 110 will cringe and winco, but he will go home an' think it obcr an 1 ba your friend fur life. 11 D«\t' am cranl'.B to bo humored. Dar' am eccentrics to be prawed. D*r' am cirelia' 'round us day by day a chain of meu tin' women who doan' know beans from broomBticks, but who mus' be complimented on dcir exquisite tastea an' high order of intelleok.

MAKE FRIKNDS. " Ab do time allotted to mo has bout expand, let me Bay to you, in closin' dig discourse, dat de man who makes enemies nm no reader oi human natar'. It am jist aa ea?j to mnko ten good friends as ona enemy. Abuse no mann pollytios. Slur no nun'H religion. Hold no arguments wid a man who ban been soured by misfortunes. Aa fur women— treat all alike by praam' all. Iteturuin' you my capacious thanks fur do emblematical indifferorco y«u have exhibited tluoughout tho delivery of this celebrated lecture, I draw ray•elf to a close.— F>\r Press.