HOFFENSTINE'S BUGLE.

Waikato Times, Volume XXV, Issue 2059, 17 September 1885, Page 4

HOFFENSTINE'S BUGLE.

Leaving tin- Stoic and going with the SoWhcMs — " Mr Holfenstme," a ii<l Herman, as he folded up a pair of pants and placed them on a pile, "if you don't haf any objections I \ould like to get fiom de schtoic .nay yon efening, und go nut tie soldiers to do Spanish foit " " Veil, Hut man, I dinks you had petter keep avay from the soldier," icphed HolTenstiue, "und stay mit dc store, because you know you don't can put any confidence, mit dc soldier. I \ill tell yon vhy — Yon day vhile I vas in Vicl-sbuig, during de \ar, a cock eyed soldn r came in my store mit an old bugle in his hand, und he looked around. I asks linn \at he vant-., uud he buys a couple of undcrsliiits den lie tells me to keep his bundle und bugle behind de counter untill lie comes back. Aftei rle tock eyed soldier \ cut de &toie out, somi more soldieis come in und \alk all aiouud, \ lie de look at dc good* Khentlcmen.V I says, ' do you \ ant anything ?' ' Vo aie shust looking to see vot you haf, said yon of deni, vi.d afdei o\ile anodder says ; ' Jitll, shust look here at dc bugle, de very ding de Captain told us to get. You know \e don't haf any bugle in de company for dree months. How much you ask for de bugle ''' I dells dem dot I can't sell de bugle it belongs to a man vot shust \ cut out. 'I vill gif you r>o dol for it,' said de soldier, pulling his money out. I tells him don't cm sell it became it vasn't mine. ' vill vii you 100 rlol." lie said. My giauons, Herman, I \sxnts to sell de bugle so h.id dat I vistlcs. De soldier dells me ule (ley vos leaving de stoic dot it I buy de bugle from de man \ot o\mis it dey will fiif me 125 dol. for it. I dell dem I vill do it. I sees a chance, jou know, Herman, to make some money by de operation. Vcn de cock-eyed soldier comes luck he says, ' Get me my bundle and bugle ; I got to go to de camp.' I says, 'My ficnt, don't you vant to .sell your bugle 1 ' 1 'He dells me no, und I says, ' My little boy Leopold, vot plays iv de store, sees de bugle, und he goes all .uouiul dying shust as loud as he can because he don't get it. Six dimes I dakes him in de yard und \ ips him, und lie comes light back und cuts for de bugle. It shows, you how much tiouble a man \ ill haf mit a family. I vill give you ten dollais for it shust to please little Leopold.' Dc soldier von't dake it, und at last I offered him fifty dollars, und he says, ' Veil, I vill take fifty because I can't vastc any moretime ; I haf to go to de camp.' Afder he goes away I goes to de door und \atchcs for de soldicis tat \ anted de bugle. I sees dem passing along do street, und I says, ' My frents, I haf got de bugle', und cey say, ' Veil, dam it, vy don't you blow it?" My gr r<i ctous, Herman, \at you dink ? All dem soldicis belong to de same crowd, und dey make de tuck to swindle me. Leri Cohen, acioss de street, he finds it out, und efery diy he gets boys to blow hoins in fiont ot my stoic, so as to make me think how I was swindled. Herman, f dink jou hart better stay mit dc store.

Nmkiy thirty millions sterling have been forw aided dining the last thirty-six yeais by American immigrants to their Home relatives. A r\vh\TY-noM. ut counteifcit bill was recently (tasked on a San Francisco Chiuanian. Tlie Chinaman seem to be convenient to have aiound, after all. Lo> Kits' Rr.sKS. — It is astonishing to find what depths of cunning aie revealed in young people w hen obstacles ate thrown in the path of their love-making. i Not long ago, a well known resident at Aiarat, Victoria, objected to the attentions paid to his daughter by a merchant's ckrk. The latter was foi bidden the house, but proposed a scheme to Im lady love for outwitting the obdurate father, which affords another proof that '" love laughs at bars and locks." Every morning the old man drove into town in his buggy, andeveiy morning his daughter arranged the cushions comfortably, and carefully placed a note under them, winch her lo\er, who had a fiiend in the Us cry stables, duly received. Kvery night the old man kindly, but unintentionally, cairicd back an answer. Daily the flame of love was fanned till tluec months had elapsed, when one morning a note was found on the old man's table, informing him of what had passed and begged him to forgive his lo\ ing daughter, Mis " Mcrcliant'sclerk." A happier couple could not be found, and the old man acknowledges that they weie too smart for him Another couple in Melbourne, similarly situated, had learned shorthand and carried on a correspondence for months, helped by the young man's sister, who addressed his letters. No suspicion wns aroused, as the daughter was only pinetising slioitliind with a lady friend. A happy maniage has been the result, and the old man is gowg to leaiu shorthand, for the convenience of his lumaining daughters.— Table Talk. Yes ! It is certainly true. Ask any of your friends who h.uo purchaser] there. G.irlitk andCranwell h ive numerous unasked for and v< ry favourable commendations from country customers «n tlieir excellent packing of Furniture, Crockery, and Glass, &c. Ladies anj jcntlrmcn about fo fiirinih should r*--nifrabir that Garlick and Crannrll's is run Cheip Furnishing Warehouse of Auckland. Furniture to suit all classes ; also Carpets, Floor Cloths and all House Necessaries. If your new house is nearly finished, or, you arc going to get married, visit Garlick md Cranwflll, Queen- street md Lorne.-strert, Auckland. Intending purchasers can hare a catalogue ten frea.