CLIPPINGS.

Waikato Times, Volume XXV, Issue 2031, 14 July 1885, Page 4

CLIPPINGS.

Mrv wlio take n w holo lifetime to choose an occupation end in deciding to do nothing. " What man Ins done man can do ?" Nonsence ! how can a man do a thing which is done alieady ? ' Times are hard wife, and I find it di'Hctilt to keep my iiohc above water.' 1 Yon could easily keep your nose €ibo\c water, husband, if you didn't keep it »o often above wh sky.' Arr\T— ' His anyone been at these prcacives?' J)cad silence ' Have you touched tltt'in, Jimmy ?' .fimmy, with the utmost deliberation, • Pa novi r 'lows me to talk at dinner ' Wiihs is a door not a door? When it is a |ar? Oh, no; that answer belongs to the first decade of the last century Now-a lays a door is not a door when it is a negress (an egress.) Ar a collection made at a church fair a lady ottered the plate to a wealthy man well known for Ins stinginess. 'I have nothing to give,' was Ins surly reply. ' Then take something,' flhc resumed, 'I am begging for the poor.' Visitor (at an Indian school)—' Ho all these children are Indians?' Teachers — ' Yea Many of them are sons and daughters of great chiefs.' Visitor — What are they now doing?" Teacher, — ' This is the arithmetic hour, and they are doing sums.' Visitor — 'Ah! yes, I have often heard of Indian summers.' DRUfKUST— 'I don't know the man at all. He came into my shop, asking hurriedly for a stimulanc, anil while I was getting it he .lied.' Clothier (next door)—' What did he die of ?' Druggist — ' He died in a fit." Clothier— 1 1 should hate to have a customer din in a fit in my shop.' Druggist— ' Don't fear, no one ever will ' ' Yes, brethren,' says the clergyman who is preaching the funeral sermon, • our deceased brother was cut down in a single night — torn from the arms of his loving wife, who is thus left a dis consulate widow at the eaily age of twenty four years.' 'Twenty two, if you please,' sobs the widow in the front pew, emerging from her handkerchief for an instant. Jrvr as a country lover dropped on his Kneed and began popping the question, a poodle, who thought the proceedings rather strange, made a rush at him. With remaikahle nerve for a woman, the girl reached over, grabbed the dog by the neck, at the same time calmly e\ claiming, '(io on George, dear, I'm listening to what you are saying.' Fair Tragedienne— 'And so you liked my performance?' Gallant Admirer— 1 Oh, it was the very acme of tragic art ! But lam almost sorry 1 went; I caught Mich a fearful cold.' 'Cold! Why the room was warm.' ' Yes, but the floor was so damp.' 'Indeed! what could have caused that?' 'The tears.' She gave him a free ticket for the season. 'Tins is a pretty time of night for you to be coming home to your wife.' I know /hat my (hie) dear. Hut I been out wi/h the procesh'n, ye shee.' ' What E recession I'd like to know ? Thcie's een no procession to night." Yesh, has, my dear, Bigges' p'sesh'n of the cam(hic)paign. Took us five hours t' pass piven point.' * But how many were in tho procession ? ' ' Dud Randell an' me.' ' And it took you five hours to pa»s a given point? Nonsense!' 'No liMutuincc 'bout it, my dear. Given 'joint was a public-house. A Dkckvskm city surgeon adopted an ingenious plan for collecting his fees. He had two bells ; when he rang one the servant knew the fee was paid, and bowed the visitor out ; when he rang the other, the servant said — " I think, sir, you have forgotten to give Mr Lock his fee," and did not open the door until the fee was paid. " Will you come over to my house after you git yer dinner, Johnny?" asked a small boy of a companion. " I guess not," said Johnny. " Why not '" " 'Cause mother promised me, if I'd wheel the baby for a nour this mornin', she'd give me all the pie I could eat for dinner, an' I don't b hove I'll want to stir about much You'd better hang lound the side gate about three o'clock, and I guess you can get a job to run for the doctor." A Conveniknt Cc.vrow. — Young ladies in Vienna, it is paid, wear their initials worked in silk and gold on the front of their jackets. "Young ladies who arc engaged," it is pointed out by the corres pondent who send* this important news, " may wear other initials than their own." Picsumably it is meant that they may wear the initials of the favoured snitor. This is a very useful custom. It is not always easy for a gnl who is engaged to signify that fat t to the world at large, and in particular to those young gentlemen who are anxious to press their attentions upon her. The Austrian fashion will leave no room for doubt and embarrassment. A man has only to decipher the monogram on his partner's cnrnage, and he knows at once whether or not she ia one one of tlio " young ladiei who are engaged " Perhaps a further improvement might be suggested. In the case of young ladies who are not engaged, might not the monogram be supplemented by a neat and artistic cipher indicating approximately the amount of their r/nf ? Nativk Volunteers in Ivsia.— The question of admitting natives to the Volunteer Corps has come prominently before the public during the last fort r.ight, and has derived additional inteiest from the state of affairs beyond the frontier. The immediate exciting cause of the present discussion has been the action to Major Branson, commanding the Madras Volunteer Artillery, in per mitting four native gentlemen to join his battery — a step which is said to have met with the disapproval of Colonel Koss Church, the Commandant of the Madras Volunteers, but to be generally approved by the European members of the corps. The general question of the admission of natives is attracted much discussion in the newspapers, and some 400 influential native gentlemen of Calcutta have peti tioncd the Government to accept their BerTiccs as Volunteers The existing rule is that while tho formation of separate corps, or even companies of natives is not permitted, there is nothing to prevent them joining the ranks with the European fellow-citizens.— Evening Standard,

Remember This. If yon arc sick Hop ftittori will surely aid Nature in making you well when all else fails. If you are costive or dyspeptic, or are Buffering from any other of the nurncious diseases of the stomach or bowels, it is your own fault if you remain ill, for Jfop Bitters is n sovereign remedy in all such complaints. If you arc wasting aw ay with any form of Kidney disease, stop tempting Death this moment, and turn for a cuie to Hop Hit ten. If you arc Nervous use of Hop Bitters. Jf you arc sick with that terrible disease, Nervousness, you will find a " Halm in Gilead" in the use of Hop Bitters. If you are a frequenter, or a resident of a miasmatic district, barricade your system against the scourge of all conn tries — malarial, epidemic, bilious, and intermittent fevers — by the use of American Go's Hop Bitters. If you have rough, pimply, or tallow »kin, bad breath, pams and aches, and ferl miserable gencially, Hop liittei «* will give you fair skin, lich blood, and sweetest breath, health and comfort. In short, they cure all Diseases of the Btomach, Bowels, Blood, Liver, Nerves, Kidney's, Bright's Disease. £500 will bo paid for a case they w ill not euro or help. Druggists and chemists keep them. That poor, bedridden, invalid wife, nintcr, mother, or daughter, can be made the picture of health, by American Go's Hop Bitters, costing but a trifle. Will you let them suffer ? None genuine without a bunch of green Hopt on white label and Dr Soule's name blown in bottle. Shun all others as vile, poisonous •tuff.

Rcssja piolnbits niilitaiy officers fioin all connection with the pie v s ArsTUAMAN Lamm at.\i\ i^s lUivs —While the Queen and Piine< ss I' -aliice w ere 'staying nt Aix-les-Bains the other day, some Australian ladies wire statin;; nt a hotel there, one being a young lady of l(», who was veiy anxious to be presented to Kojalty, and as it happened to be the I'niu'c-s' birthday the sent to ask if she would accept a houqm t from some An 1 , Italian Indies on bohalt of New South Wales 1 . They were told 'he would X delighted, vj they sent to Nice for some beautiful flowers, and the young giil was to present them. As soon as the Kughsh lesidents heaid of this they thought they would preen t so ne too, and staitcd oil befoio the Australian^, accompanied b} the Kuglish chaplain, who was to nitro dueetlnm. When the Austi.ilinn ladies ai i i\ ed at the \ ilia they found the Kugli«h deputnton still watting. Soon aflci Otneiil .Sir 11. Ponsonby, the Qnccii'i njiu'iiy, came in. Up jumped the clnpl un : "Of course the Kn/lish ladies will piesenfc theirs first." "No," said the (Jcneral, "the Austialian ladies lust" Two or three days afterward* the Quern sent for the Australian ladies to he [ii< sented to her TIIK i'kINI'K OF WaLI'S t\ lUHAN'I). — The enclosed extract fiom a piivate letter fiom a well-known member of Dublin society will, doubtless, be of interest to our readers : — "The Prince of Wales is the very man for tho Irish, and if we saw mm c of him there we should have fewer reports of agrarian outrage or landlord shooting, for never in nil my experience do I remember anyone influencing our lively population as the Prince has managed to do. Ilia smile, good nature, and his marvellous tact have won his way into tho Irish hearts here, and T can only sum up tho whole thing in the word — magic. The Prince hrnmlf feels what a reception he has had, for he said that never in all his life had he experienced such a icccption, or felt himself in Hiieh inppnil with the crowd, and he added that it would not be his fault if he siw so little of us as he had done of late yens Tt would do you such good to hear the poor people speak of his jolly fact-, and I flunk a blow has been given to the pernicious influenceof tho dynamite party that it will ne\ei recover.—" Lady's Pictorial. Tiif Sii iM-Rot Tiif Hnrsv op Commons —Constitutional historians tell us, in lespect te the name of the oflice, that it dates back to the. le-ign of Henry 111., Sir T Hungi lfoid, it h said, having bten the Hist to receive the title of Mr Speaker, though the office itself is no doubt of earlier date, and may be consideicd to have been instituted when De Montfort signed and sealed an answer fiom the Parliament of England to Pope Alexander. The oiiginal Speaker, however, was not precisely the ofheer of Pat liainent with whom we iie familiar, but hteially the Speaker or spokesman, and the post in its earliest dajs demanded veij diflerent qualifications fiom theM- re (pined now. Every new Speaker has, it is tine, at the threshold of his oflice, to lay claim on behalf of the Commons that their ancient and undoubted rights, privileges, and bravely petition than any eirois of which they may be guilty in the dischaige ot their dutus may be imputed to himself alone ; but in those earliei days, that which is now meiely, or at any rate in gieat mcasuie, a graceful ceremonial, was sometimes a giim leality, iitul it might at any tuno become this gieat functioniry's duty literally to stand between the faithful Commons and the incensed Monarch. I\ThttfcvriM} to Dhivehs. — Wonders will never cease. A new cart has In en invented (not in America, but in India), which is so nicely balanced that when going down hill a turn of the crank raises the shafts, and with them the horse, which is th( n suspended in mid air, taking a rest till level ground is once more reached. If the horse attempts to run away, the fiiendly crank is once more hiought into requisition, and the recalcitrant quadruped moves its legs between heaven and earth. This is what St. Paul calls " bunting the air." Tin, Pkin'ck of Walls' Okatouical Pow iiss.. — I)r Russell, the well-known Times eoi respondent, has a very high opinion of the oratorical powers of the Prince of Wales. "There aio few men in England (he says in Harper's) who can make so good a speech as the Piince of Wales." He did not become so good a speaker all at once, though his\oice is niuqulaily far-reaching, clear, pleasant, and his delivery simple and dignified. Only by persistent practice " he aec|Hired command of language and a felicity of e\piession which commend his matter to the most cutical." His speeches at charitable dinners are ho successful that he makes the fortune of an institution on such occasions. Dr Russell ought to know, for he has heard the Jfcrmce as often as any man living. Dancing among the Anpiknts.— The ancients held the dance in the very highest esteem ; for was it not invented by the goddess Rlica, who piej<ervtd Jupiter from Saturn ? while Homer and Uesiod sang its piaises, provoking a possible puggnstion from the ineverent modern that they had boon " dogs'' in their day. Sociates himself, who in supposed to have lealised the vanity of all things sa\e the immortality of the soul, went to the trouble of learning dancing when an old man, and porh.ips leceived the invitation of .some antique edition of Mis. Ponsonby de Toinpkyus or Mis Leo Hunter, eagerfor his entrance But then it must be borne in mind that the classic dance was moie severe in charactei, as the martial Pyrrhic dance, perfoimed by Greek or Jioinon armed cup a pi, , weapon, toich, 01 wnnd in hand amply testifies The ancient rustic was, however, particulaily paitial to a curious dance, which consisted of jumping with one foot only on a bladder inflated with air 01 filled with wine, and rubbed on the outside with oil ; and he who did this slippery exercise well received tho wine skin for his pains. The dance of the Enmenides, or Furies, in the theatre at Athene, is said to have pi od need Mich an effect on the spectators that they were totally unable to control tin ir excited feelings, and the direst icsults often happened. — London Society. Mkkcimtl Momiols.— Nowhere will you find less cruelty than in Mongolia Not only do their cattle and flocks re ceivc expressions of sympathy in suffering, and such alleviation of pain as their owner knows how to give, but c\cn the meanest creatures, insects and reptiles included, are treated with consideration. One of the best proofs of the habitual kindness of the Mongol is the tameneas of the birds on the plateau. Ciows peich themselves on the top of loaded eainels, and deliberately steal Chinamen's tusks and Mongol's mutton, before the eyes of the vodferating owners; hawks swoop down in the marketplace at Uiga, and snatch eatables from the handfi of the uiiwaiy, who simply accuse the thief of patiicide, and pass on ; and hw allows, year after year, bnild their nests and re.v theii young inside the very tents of the Mongols A Mongolian's pity seems to flow out freely towards the suffering of all creaturps, even the meanest and most vexations. My bald-headed camel driver was nearly driven to distraction one evening by a cloud of mosquitoes which kept hovering over and alighting on his shiny pate. During the night theic came a touch of frost, and, when we rose in the morning, not an insect j was on the wing. Looking at thorn as they .clung benumbed to the sides of the tent, he remarked, " The mosquitoes are frozen !" and then added, in a tone of sincere sympathy, the Mongol phrnse expressive of pity, Hoarhe, hoai he ! There was no sarcasm or hypocrisy about it. — Among the Mongols. "YoulJov'r Know Thuir Vaiue."— "Thry cured me of billiomnest and kidney (omp).iint, .-n recommended. I had a hall-bottle lrft, wlilch I used for my two little nirU, who the doctor* "iml neighbour* laid could not be rtlrrd. I urn confident 1 should Un\c lost both of th«m one nitfhtifl had not had the Amenr/in Go's Hop Hitters in my house to me That in why I f.iy yon do not know h.ili the value ol American Hop Hitters, and do not recommend them highly enough." See.

A Roman Trihmp!!. — A little way fiom the ttiidge of St. Angelo art* seen, ri tin 1 bed of the ihcr, thi' mil'"! of tlir Phis iinimphnliH. Tins was the bridge icrosi which the grand, yet barbaious, spectacles known as Roman triumph wa« decreed to Emiliis Paulus when he had brought a four yoais' war in Greece to a successful close, For three long days the Roman people, nil in a white trai nients (for such was the custom), ffiited tlicir eyes on the long pngeant. The army encamped the night outside the city As we stand, in fancy, on the Ions Tiuiinphalis, we see the procession appio.-ichmg First come the magistrates of the city and the senators ; then two hundied and fifty cnnnotn, bearing pictuics and statue*, the spoils of Grecian cities. These arc followed by innumerable waggons loaded with clashing arms and armour, and three thousand men carrying lich goblets and silver coin. The trumpeter* come next, sounding their fieicest war notcH, and then scores of oxen adorned for sacrifice, vessels full of gold coin, and the gold plate, chaiiots and crown of the captured Perseus. The clnldien of Perseus, with their servants, next appear — amongst them two little boys and a little girl, too young to under stand their change of circumstances, and eagerly looking round at the grand pageant in which they figure as victims. Perseus, sad and disconsolate, next appears -a man to whom the future is now without hope. Four hundred crowns, the tribute of conquered cities, are carried past, and then /Emilins himself, decked in purple robes, and sitting in a splendid chariot, with a laurel branch in his hand. Troop by troop the cavalry pass by, and then the foot loldicrs, waving their lanrcl boughs and chanting thtir war songs as they go. At the Forum many of the captives arc put to death ; Perieus is consigned to a loathsome prison, ami is only liberated at the intercession of .Emilius, to end his days in misery and want at Alba. — From Little Folks' Magazine for April. Lo\ h Lkttkiw For Sai.k.— The recent s.nlo of John Keits's correspondence with Fanny TJiowne suggests the que«tion, how far love-letters ought to be privileged communications The words written in hot passion for one eye alone oupht not aHsuredly to be looked at from the same point of view as the stiff business like communications intended for the perusal of all whom they concern. Yet a judge and juiy no more consider the epistles of passion piivileged than they do an in\oico of warming-pans or a bill of-lading. As for the autograph-collectors, they haunt waste-paper warehouses, in the hope that, among the sweepings of a lawyer's chambers may turn up a yellow tearstaimd bundle, or make friends with the mammon of unrighteousness, so strongly du\ eloped in "surrir ing relatives" and "residuary legatees." Finally, the last man on the face of the earth likely to do reverence to u sheaf of ancient loreletters is the auctioneer, under w hose hammer they anive at last. "Come, gentlemen," he pleaded, " really this is trifling with literature! How much for this \aluablc lot*' And then his clerk reads a little exet rpt to stimulate the bidding*, until nt last tlic niis-»i\c*, scrawled in a room with the door locked, aie knocked down to one hoary old i'>)t)to\o who \ alues them at .so much a page, and after circfully examining luh acquisition with the same purpose as the lady was accused by Dr Johnson of examining his dictionaiy, ertertains hiw family circle after dinner with the contents of his bargain. But by and by he dies also, the albums change owners once more, and thus the trade in btilels-tJouf goes on. — The World. Ficht With SMiTf.cr^R^. — The Levant Herald leports an encounter which took place recently near Bihkessor, between the public force and a party of smugglers. The agents of the Tobacco Regie were informed some time ago that a group o! three persons were carrying on the contraband trade on an extensive scale, one of the three being a mountaineer well known for bis intrepid daiing. One evening intelligence was received that next niotninp a lar^e cargo was to be mn through a certain ravine about an hour's distance from Babkcser on the Pandci ma road. A detachment of Regie people and gcndaimcs were posted in the underwood along the lonte by which the smugglirs must pass. About tlic expected tune the three smugglers, with laden pack-horses, came in night, armed to the teeth. On a ghen signal the gendarmes .sprang into the load and stopped the way. The chief smuggler brought his gun to the "present" and threatened with death anyone who dared to bar his way. His two followers became fright cned and wished to fly ; but their chief, turning to them, said quietly that nt the first step they made in retreat he would blow out tbrir brains and then fight till the death himself. The cmplojes of the Regie, who have positirc orders not to use their arms except in case of absolute necessity, were touched by tins declaration, and cried out that their lives would be spared if they threw dow n their arms and their baggage ; but the smuggler chief replied that he would sooner (lie. And then a terrible struggle ensued between the mountaineers and their opponents. Victory for a long time hung in the balance, and then resort wan had to firearms on both sides. Ten gendarmes were wounded, and the smuggler chief fell, shot through the leg ; his two followers were overpowered and liound. WintkrNkjiits in thk Humimnds — Without my of the usual foims of recreation — books, newspaper*, concerts, or dramatic entertainments — the Highlander can spend his long winter evenmg« m a manner highly agreeable to his tastes. He is eminently a sociable bumg ; love« Ins neighheui as himself ; and his neighbour, knowing this, not only makes him welcome to bis house, but insists upon Id's coming. Since they are neigliours they must be neighbonr-I'ke, or something would be thought wrong. The kindest actions would be for nothing, and might be received with suspicion, unless backed by social intercourse. Where every tramp nnd beggar is entitled to a friendly word in passing, whatever more besides, it would be absurd to consider yourself a man's neighbour merely for acknowledging him when you casually meet. You must spend your eveningH where he does if yon would perform your duty to the community. You are neither asked to dinner nor tea, but you are expected to go, whether asked or not, and "caily." The term, for which there is no Knglish equivalent, is a Gaelic one, and, wp may add, the Sassenach is not likely to form a worse opinion of it because it is here spelled phonetically. As an institution caily has been denounced in some quarters, still it survives ; but although not so popular'as formerly, every tiuc Highlander would regret to see it become a thint' of the past. Nothing fosters the "clannishnesi" and the fucndly feelings for which the Highlands arc remarkable more than cailying. The families of a neighbourhood arc bound together, arc ready to help each other in emergency ; will rejoice with those that weep ; will show their regard for one another in a thousand ways as surprising as delightful to the stranger. The sHfishnets of the outside world has no place there, where each in acting for himself regaids his neighbour's interest at much as bin own. — Graphic.

A Great Business. Tlio United States of Amciica U the home of somo very large i-iiteipiiseH, hut none perhaps than the hiMincHs conducted hy Mr (t. O. Green, of Woodhnry, New Jrrney, U. S. A. lie in the proprietor of tlie well-known Dohclicu's German Syrup, which was uneqitnllud a«i a remedy for i'ulmonary and Hronclii.il nfToction 1 !. lie maniifactnrcjinlsofJieen'fl Augmt Fower for Uyspopsia and all disorders of the Lir«r. Thr«c preparations are ruicA throughout the civilised world, and thousandH testify to their valuable curatire properties. Both then* preparations liavo reached an Irnmenpo sale solely on their merits. Sample bottles of each are sold at 6d, or fullsized bottles at 3s Gd, All druggists keep them.