Pun.

Waikato Times, Volume XXV, Issue 2030, 11 July 1885, Page 2 (Supplement)

Pun.

Whenever a young man finds that ho hag given expression to a pun, ho should take a piece of nsafcctida about »i bill's a hickory* uut and chew it. He will not feel like making another pun as long as the taste of the drug remains in hi3 mouth. He should carry eoine of tho drug in his vest pocket when he goes out in company, and keep a piece in bia mouth constantly. It may be offensive to the company, but it will not be half so offensive as hia old back-numbpr, teeth-worn puns, and ho will become a favourite. If this course will not cure him he had better go and drown himself. There is no such thing as a new pun, as every word that is susceptible of & pun has been punned upon for thousands of yean, eo when you hear a person make a pun you can bo sure that it is a thousand years old. If a man or woman, when making a pun on a won', lealized that the Egyptian mummy in the museum, when alive, had made the same pun, and laughed at it boisterously, he would be ashamed of his own attempt. The English language ib good enough if you take it straight, and it is foolish to torture it. The man who makes puns habitually is usually a weak man, who imagines he is smart, as you can see by watching him as he laughs at his own smartness. As good a way as any to squelch a punster is to listen to his pun, look thoughtfully and say, "B. C," or •' Credit to Adam." Young men who get in the tabifc of making puns on all occasions lose their positions, girls go back on them and they go through life alone, except in rare instances. A girl hates to face the prospect of a lifetime of poor puns, and they will think twice before marrying a punster, as he is liable to practise his puns on hi3 wife. A druggist in western Wisconsin had a great habit of making puns a few years ago, aud no customer was safe to go to the store to buy anything. They all got a pan with their medicine, and sometimes the pun was worse than the drug to take. One night a man named Otto Fadman was stabbed in tho breast, and was taken to the drug store to be sewed up. While the doctor was at work on tho man the druggist came op, and after looking at the wound be said: "You Otto had a liver I'adman." The wounded and dyinq man heard it, and it was too much. lie could stand the stab of oold steel, but to be siabbed with a pun was too much, and he hauled back one foot and kicked the drugqisl iu the nose. Tho druggist haa never made a pun since, and we don't know but a kick in the nose is about as good a cure as any. " Good morning. Are you a contractor? " " Yes sir." " Building contraotor ?" " 1 am, pir." " Do you build churches and theatres and school-houses and asylums ? " " Yea, sir. What can Ido for you ? " " Nothing gpscwl ; only I hope you will keep nj-'ht on building them just as they are built to-day. Hope you won't be iuduced to "et any new-fanglod notions in your hjtd" " Why, sir ? Who are you anyway ? " " Oh, 1 m only au undertaker."