CLIPPINGS.

Waikato Times, Volume XXV, Issue 2030, 11 July 1885, Page 4

CLIPPINGS.

Tiik income of the Melbourne Cricket Club last year was £4000. "I simin.i) like to discuss the tariff question with ymi." "I have got four reasons for not discussing the tariff ques turn with you." "What are these rea soni?" " Well, in the fust pl.icc, lam a perfect iguoiamus on the subject, and in the second place you don't know half as much about the tnuff as I do, and thiully, if you did know anything on the sublet you ha\e not got *ense enough to e> press youisclf intelligibly, and in the fourth place, Mich discussion cieates unfriendly sentiment." It took four men to sepai ate them. ' Good morning,' wlicc7°d an old lady, coming into the cditoi's loom at the head of the step ele\ ator, ' good moi ning. Ain't you the editor ?' • Yes, madam,' the man at the desk responded ; ' can I do anything for you to day ?' ' Well, not veiy much I heard (something about you. and as I had been reading you paper I came to see for myself it it were true.' •Ah, indued ! What was it? Nothing bad, I hope.' ' Not so bad, and not so very good, either. They told me you were just like Ananias. You know who he was, don't you?' 'Not exactly, madam, though I have seen some reference to him during the recent campaign,' ' I didn't think you'd know him. He was a Bible character, who was struck dead for being a liar ' ' Great CVcar, madam,' exclaimed the editor, with a atart that knocked hit paste-pot over and ■ent his scissors rattling to the floor. ' I hope you don't think so now, after yon have read my paper and met me, that I am like this man, Ananias.' ' No sir,' the old lady replied, getting up to go ; 'I notice there is a differenct.' ' Ah, thanks madam, you flatter me ; you .' 'Don't mention it, oir ; the difference I detect is that you aie still alive.' and the editor jabbed his pen into his upset pastepot and began to write an article on the cruelty and deceit of women . SchNE in a Scotch Chi urn. — Dis patches from Kdinbuigli on M.iy 2(}th, say a great sensation has been caused in the Free Chinch circles over the alleged •postacy of a distinguished preacher, Dr. Adam Stuait, minister of Trinity Free Church, Lcith, whose appeal from his dismissal for Papist practices was unsuccessfully heard on the 2.lth in the General Assembly of the Free Church of Scotland, Edinburgh. He was accused of teaching baptismal l exoneration, and sanctioning the sale of his own portrait in an attitude indicating the approval of Popish doctrines and piactices. He defended him self in an address which is admitted by his accusers to be very eloquent. In the course of it he said — "I hear the voice of the Almighty speaking now, and what does He say : If the Free Church grasped in her nerveless, withered, bloodless fingers, a vague negative against the Holy Catholic Chinch, then would the Divine. Master withdraw from her presence " In concluding he caused almost a not among a le.irucd and dignified church assemblage 'vhen he quoted Cardinal Newnun's Hymn, "Lead kindly light," and taking an iv>ry cruci fin from his pocket, ho hel.l it with his right hand, and the gic.itest sensation prevailed in the Assembly, which swelled into cries of "Shame." He added — "The time will come when I shall die with the emblem of your faith on my bosom," The minister is now expected soon to enter the Cnureh of Rome. Thk Wilson's Promontory correspondent of the "Argus "recently telcgraghed that a heavy shower of nun fell there, accompanied by hail. There was a heavy, gloomy, threatening appearance from the south-west, and at ten o'clock theie were two heavy peals of thunder and a vivid flash of lightning. Twelve minutes lat"r an electue explosion occured over the telegraph and telephone wires, close to the signal quarters. The wires were fused for a distance of four poles f i om the battery-room intomateiial resembling molten lead or solder, and one pole about half -a mile off was shatteicd into fiag ments. The telephouu i:ul tclegi.iph instrument*! were completely broken, the case enclosing the telephone in the lighthouse porch being smashed into small pieces, and portions tin own a distance of 15ft up the tower stairs The door in the porch was broken into two pieces, and two panea of glass were broken in the telegraph office. The instrument t.ible, window frame, and a numbei of telegiaph forms were scorched black, the window sill was split, and all the connection wires wete. fused completely away. In the principal ligntkeepei's quarters five windows were smashed, a gate was split, a stone wall was severely shaken, the battciy room was damaged, and a large hole was excavated near the gate. Several windows were broken in the assistant lightkeeper's quarters, and in the battery room. The severely wet and stormy weather had forced everyone indoon about ten o'clock, and consequently no one was injured. Only a few minutes previously Mr Froyley, the contractor for the new look-out house here had seven men at woik in different parta of the Promontory, one being en gaged undjr the wires The report re •embled the discharge of a heavy piece of ordnance, and it shook the whole Promontory.

COMMKRCIAI. TRAVELLERS.— The popular opinion about commercial travellers is that their life is one of jollity, gaiety, and food living, a sort of perpetual Lord layor's bamjuet. A machine that ii constantly working at maximum speed requires inoic oil than orrc that only goes at a minimum pace. But the commcicial tra\eller cannot he always amongst good dinners, and his temperature sometimes gets veiy low for the want of fuel. Having finished at far as possible the work is not yet done, for the evening scene in rriany a commercial room, way from six till nine o'clock, rccmbles a countinghouse with all the clerks working at full •peed. Two or three will be waiting for their turn at the pen and ink. The hotel "boots" will come to soy "8 p.m." "Letters, gentlemen, please." "How long can you give me?" shouts one; " How long for the extra stamp ?" cries another. Correspondence li.iving been finished, excepting in the case of one or two who write till ten or eleven o'clock, making up foi lost time, the hour of nine aruves, when accoiding to universal custom, the time for smoking lias come The rule not to smoke in the commeicial room before that tune is atnctly observed. Then will commence a gencr.il settling down to spend the cveninjr. Con\cr«aon nun nfc politics is easily intiodtiecd, nnd occasionally dim iis«ions become so heated that the intioduction of tho clotiuc would be a blessing. A inusic.il evening -brought but too seldom— is im prowsed, .iud tho good biiigers are soon found out. This will be varied with a performance of someone an adept at fsltight of hand. '1 ho commcicial tia VC'll'T pMHJHSat'H With till' tlllUM .111(1 111 1 ! pioduccd a clever thought leadt r. Thuc ate tho inevitable anecdotes as to old times and recent expediences mixed with some of imagination — often veiy hiely imagination. There is in all the lelations of commercial travellers one with another natural sociability, and no one away from his own home need wish foi more en|oy able company than that of a numbei of commercial tiavellers. — Leisuic Hour.

A Beautiful Painting. Mi Cr. (i, (iiecn, of Woodlnuy, New JiMHcy, U.S.A., h piesontuig todin^'ists ami others in tl.in unintiy sonic vi i^ (me pic tin ls in oil of his munificent hous-c and <p on rids and lahoiatoi y at tli.it place. Mi (iieen ii the juoju-iotoi 1 of JJosclh e's (itiiii.in Syiup and Cicoh'h August Flower, two very valuable medicines, winch aro meeting with great favour, the fii-,1 .is a remedy for Puhnonaiy com plaints, and the latter for Dyspepsia and diHoiders of the Li\er. Theße preparations have attained an immense ealc •olely on their nuperior merits and arc nold by all diuggisM throughout the woild. The pi ice ia the name for each, 33 M per bottle, or sani[)lc bottles for Od The sample bottles enable sufferers to piove their value at a trifling cost.

A Druooht. in advertising bis porous plasters, states th.it their object is to hold the bick still' while the pain crawls out through the holes. A Man np\rr begins to find out how little he knows about domestic matters until lim wife asks him to keep his eye upon the biby, and to see that a pan of molted huttri is kept fetiircd, while slip goes into the attic to look through her rag bag The remains of an English traveller had been exhumed for intirmcnt in the family vault. Wbei the coffin nn« opeiud the spectators started back in affright. " Why these appear to be tho remains of a lion." '"Yes," replied the nephew of the deceased, with a sigh, " That's the lion that ate him up ; uncle is inbide of him " A M \n \ isitinp London went to church and sc i ted himself without hesitation in the nca.Cit pew. 80011 the owner came in, eyed the stranger critically, and then writ'ng "My pew" on t lie fly leaf of a prayci book, handed the book to the intrmlei, The stranger read the message, smiled a beautiful smile, and wrote underneath. " Nice pew . What do you pay for it ?" A Certain Nevada judge, who hid been a great scamp years before his accession to the Bench, recognised old acquaintance in a prisoner brought before him, and mpposing himself safe from recognition, asked the prisoner what had become of the companions of his early life of crime. The reply was, "They are all hanged, your honour, except me and you.

I Remember This. If you are sick Hop Bittera will surely aid Nature in making you well when all else fails. If jou arc costive 01 dyspeptic, or are suffering from any other of the numerous diseases of the stomach or bowels, it is your own fault if you remain ill, for Hop Bitters is a sovereign remedy in all such complaints. If you arc wasting aw ay with any form of Kidney disease, stop tempting Death this moment, and tin n for a euro to Hop Bitters. If you aic Nervous use of Hop Bitters. If you arc sick with that terrible disease, Nenousncss, you will find a " Balm in (lilcad" iii the use of Hop Bitters. If you aro a frequenter, or n resident of a miasmatic district, barricade your system against the scourge of all countries—malarial, epidemic, bilious, and intermittent fevers — by the use of American Co's Hop Bitters. If yon have rough, pimply, or sallow skin, bad breath, pains and achc\ and feel miserable generally, Hop Bitters will give you fair skin, rich blood, and sweetest breath, health and comfort. In short, they cure all Disease* of the stomach, Bowels, Blood, Liver, Nerves, Kidney's, Bright's Disease. £.300 will be paid for a case they will not cure or help. Druggists and chemists keep them. That poor, hediiddcn, imalid wife, lister, inothc r, ordaughter, ranbem.uiuthe pictuic of health, by Amnic.in Co's Hop Bitteis, costing but a trido. Will >on lot them suffer ? None genuine without a bunch of green Hops on white Libel and Dr Soule's namo blown in bottle. Shun all others as vile, poisonous stuff.