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Waikato Times, Volume XXIV, Issue 2012, 30 May 1885, Page 6 (Supplement)

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" Your son leaves college this month, does he not?" asked one lady of another. " Yes, his college days are about over," was the reply. " Will he enter mercantile life or ono of the professions ?"' "He ha 3 adopted a professional career. The recent scientific researches of Professors McCaffrey, Sullivan, Mitchell and Rourke have diverted his mind into channels of pugilism,-and his father says as it was never possible to knock anything into him, it il probable that something can be knocked out of him."

"I see, dear, that you are getting along well "vith your household duties," said % young husband to his wife, holding up a piece of biscuit aud looking at it critically. " Ob, goody I " she exclaimed. " I dm co glad you like the biscuit, George." " Yes," he replied, "you are getting along well ; but," he continued, " allow me to ofl«r a suggestion. Put some bar iron injo your next batch of biscuits. I have a lingering suspicion, dear, that you used sheet iron this time, because you see I o&n bieak this biscuit easily over my knee. What the American horae-mado biscuit most needs is real solid irou — iron that you can depend upon, and the hotels will get all the trade, o* men will begin to marry wooden tobacco signe." She called him a horrid thing, and they never speak now unless there is company present. — Detroit Free Prest.

A kiss is a paroxysmal contact between the labial appeiulagea attached to the superior and inferior maxillaries, respectively, of a man and a woman or two* women. The younger the parties are the more paroxysmal will be the paroxysm. — Boston Lexicographer.

A Canadian emigrant : " The funds all gone ? " shouted the depositor. " Every cent," replied the president. " Are you sura that he left nothing ? " "He left nothing but the country," — Portland Advertiser.

A oreat newspaper reader was out hunting recently, and a Btorm coming up he crept into a hollow log for shelter. After the storm abated ho endeavored to crawl out, but found that the log had swelled so that it waa imposible to make his exit. Ho endeavored to compress himsolf as much as possible, but with indifferent success. He thought of all the mean things he had ever done, until finally his mind reverted to the fact that instead of subscribing for his local paper he was in the habit of be lrowirtg it from his neighbour, and thus defrauding tho printer. On this he felt so small that he slipped out of tho log without an eftort.

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