Fun.

Waikato Times, Volume XXIV, Issue 2009, 23 May 1885, Page 6 (Supplement)

Fun.

It was a warm night and dark, So he thought he'd dive in, lor a lark ; But he never uprose, E'en to auk for hid clothes. For more news, why apply — to the shark. " What do you think ?" said Clara ; " that horrid Tom Brown pi opened to mo last evening. He hummed ana hawed a long time, but finally found oourage to ask for ay hand." "And what did you say, dear?" asked Delia. " Say 7 Why, I told him I oouldn't be bo cruel as to burden him with a third hand, when he didn't know what to do with the two he alroady had— the awkward booby 1 "

Chinese Strategy at Foo-Chow. Artillbrv-man : " The Frenoh ships are approaching." Mandarin : " Fire * shot at them." Artillery-man : " They are too far away the bullet will only reach half the dietanoe." Mandarin : " Then, fire two shot! I "

An ancient mother-iD-law to a mother-in law in active serrioe : " Yes, I would giro up my share in Paradise if I thought I should meet my ton-in-law there !" The other, shrugging her shoulders : 11 You forget that the highest position a •onin-law oan aspire to, in the next world, it purgatory I"

Journalistic Rivalry. A morning paper in San Franoiioo announced the tragic death of a deaf and dumb woman. In due course all the evening paperi came out with the last words of the poor woman.

" Well," says Dr. B to a heavy smoker, " if one were to say to you, ' The pipe which you are going to smoke will kill you ' — what would you do ?" The other, without hesitation — " I would buy the biggest pipe I oould get, and ram it like a cannon, in order to make it last as long as possible."

ISSS. In an " academy for young ladies." " Tell me, mama, what fortune you have ?" " Little girls shouldn't think of suob things." " But, mama, there is a little girl here, six and a half years old, and ihe already knows that she will have £20,000 when her papa and mama are dead."

Thr Marquise de X , one of the most diitinguished *nd elegant of the Parisian ladies of fashion, was Heated at dinner next to the Archbishop of M . The prelate, in the course of {conversation, asked nor bow long she had been married. " Nearly four years, monseigoeur." " And how many children have you ?" " None, monseigneur." And the marquise added, thoughtlessly : " What would you, momeigneur ? I am so muoh occupied, I have no time."

" No, papa, I hare no desire to many." " You are wrong, my child ; it ii the limplest way, in fact the only way, of beooming a widow."

Bkown, who has recently lost his mother-in-in-law, has caused the following inscription to be placed uponlier tombstone — " Her sole desire was to make me happy. Her death proven it I"

Laht week a telegraph messenger boy wu found lying dead in the street. It is supposed that something soared him and he started to run. — Brooklyn Eaylc.

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