DISRAELI ON GLADSTONE. (Puck.)

Waikato Times, Volume XXIV, Issue 1999, 30 April 1885, Page 3

DISRAELI ON GLADSTONE. (Puck.)

The late Benjamin Disraeli, Earl of Beaconsfield, bi ashed the dust off a cloud with his nigh wing and sat down and let his legs hang over, as he looked down from his present abode in Spirit-land upon the capital of England. " You are a nice man, William Ewart Gladstone," he murmured to himself, with a cheery yet sardonic binile upon his lips : " I always s-aul you weie a nice man. You can wiite nice books for very old and very quiet gentlemen ; nobody can suipass you in your great populai speciality ct cutting dovv n trees And you ha\e raised a large and inteiestmg and highly pious family, William Kwart, and I daiesay it is a gieat tieat to the seriously inclined to hear them singing hymns r.i chorus. Oh, you are a nice man, there is no dcubt of it You are a dear old duck of a man. But when you undertake to govern this realm, William, you are apt to get over your head. "In my life-time, William, I always did what I could to spare you the trials and peiplexities of official life. I think that you yourself will be willing to credit me with a. great deal of sincere and earnest effort in that direction. I felt that the life of a Prime Minister was too much of a strain upon you, and was always ready to sacrifice myself and take the burden upon my own shoulders. I do not believe you were ever really grateful for that considerate kindness while I wa« with you m the flesh But you probably appreciate me better by this time Today, I ilattei mvclf, you would be \er> glad to have me >ih\e and active. You know well that, if I were with you, you would not long be permitted to rom liv in your piesent pickle. I should gentlj and blandly, but tiiin'y and decisively, oust \ou, and slip the leins of Government between my own skilled and ready finger." Foi \ou aie in a pickle, William. It scctm slightly irroveient to say that the authm of 'Juvcntus Mundi ' is in a pit klf ; but tins is what jon arc in— a plain, common, vulgar pickle. Wby, just look at it ' What a muss you have made in this coloninl business, all through. Here you have a chip m, as the Ameri cans say, with all the rest of the nations, just to manage a miseiable little African affair, of which I would have taken the whole charge without troubling myself. And you are going to lose your grip of the Panama Canal pioteetoiate, Wilha-n, you know you are. And Bismarck, — ah, there's a man for you ' — Hismaick is grabbing what you should have grabbed. And how nrc you making out in the Soudan, my dear old fnend ? Wince not at the word— 'tis a pleasant eountt y for one who likes to combine retirement with viv.ilious vicissitude. "And you aien't covering yourself with biUer-gilt glory at home, my dear. Perhaps you think you can manage those lush better than* I could? Pethapi, though, you don't. And you've won the everlasting love of the Radicals, eh, haven't yon, William' And, pnthee, sweet friend, answer frankly, if thou canst, did I ever have any dynamite in mine ? Nay, nay, William, I would not scoff, but as a statesman thou art not a distinguished success Oo teach the orphan boy to read— go teav.li the oiphau girl to sew — or else adveitise ior light employment, not of a political natme, for an eldeily gentleman about retiiing from active business " And the late B. Disineli, Earl of Beaconsheld, felt up hia sleeve to see if the cards were there, and went off to play euchre with the Spmt of Macchiavelli.

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