Domestic Economy.

Waikato Times, Volume XXIV, Issue 1991, 11 April 1885, Page 2 (Supplement)

Domestic Economy.

Madame: enters the kitchen and exolaimi indignantly : " How is this, Mary ? You took thu pitMM of beef from the butoherl Why, it's all bone 1" "Ah, madame, so it ia; but, but I'm lurt I ... Well, I told the butcher that if it were for me I wouldn't take it 1 "

An old mendicant is seated on a door-step, and a card hanging round his neck bean the following inscription : " Blind from BiaTH." Another blind beggar passes and stops to read the plaoard. "Ah, well!" ha savi thoughtfully, "this gentleman has commenced business young !"

Simpkins, convalescent, wants to know hew muoh flesh he has lost during his illnesa. He gets on the scale. All at once, he notioes that he has hi* hat on. " What an ass I am," says he, "my hat will weigh a pound Il'I 1 ' And he takes it off bis head and puts under his arm !

Voltaire says : "All the reasonings of a man are not worth one sentiment of a woman." True, Volt, dear boy, especially when the sentiment happens to be the posieirion of a sealskin sacque. Reasonings of a man art then worth about as much as an old lottery ticket. To test your popularity wear a ragged coat. Contribute niggardly to charity. Always get in somebody's way. Borrow yonr neighbor'! paper regularly. Never omit to My tomething on every occasion. Step into your friend's office, and sit with your feet on hit desk. If you oan do all these thing! and retain your popularity you will be warranted in further test of running for office.

Old Moneybaggs stood in front of hii ■tort the other morning, hanging a " rtdnetd price " mark on several rolls of carpeting. Along comes Harris, and him to Montybagga : " Those ain't feathers." "Well, who said they was?" retorted Moneybaggs, withun grammatical tettihau. " Why, you ; that is, you've marked thtm down." And Moneybaggs fell through a plate«glan window with a sickening thud. Thus it is shown that every man will have his joke, feather it be good or feather it bt evil. — Ex.

Kate Field says that the truth out bias and tucked and frilled up into the shape of a onto little white lie is a favourite with evtry woman. " You see truth is naked and no frill! are possible," says saucy Kate. A new danger threatens sooiety, and it comes in the shape of a bioycle. The bioyole is almost noiseless on a good road, and yoang men driving their sweethearts would do wiSl to keep a sharp eye in the rear. I heard how one wheelman rode behind a buggy for Mmc distance, quite undecided as to whether tht pretty girl in the buggy, all dressed in white, hada black sash on or not. He triad tht txpenment of riding dose up and blowing hii whistle, and the black girdle disappeared M if by magic. She was wearing a ooat sleeve with an arm in it. " In what condition was the patriarch Job at the end of his life !" asked a Sundayschool teacher of a quiet-looking boy at tht foot of the class. " Dead," calmly replied the young hopeful.

What did you want to make auoh a gooM of yourself for over that little mouse ?" ht said to his sister, as they trudged home from an evening party. " You danced about and serenaded until I was ashamed of you." " was afraid of it, George," murmured tht girl. " Afraid of it I nonsense ! If you hadn't had on a pair of new French shoes and striped ailk stockings you wouldn't have been afraid of it." She didn't deign to answer him. 409.