TE AWAMUTU GOSSIP.

Waikato Times, Volume XXIV, Issue 1989, 7 April 1885, Page 2

TE AWAMUTU GOSSIP.

Bhcai sk I scolded you for your follies, 0 ! Tv Awamutu, you frowned on me. In the mildness of my consult- 1 suggested nn apparel of «ack-cloth, but sack-cloth, compared with what you ought to wear, would be an comfortablo .us "puiplo and fioe linen." Read and become sadder, f«»i lam afraid there is little hope of your ever becoming wiser. The weather has been exceedingly fine, <>i'cningH bright, brisk and beautiful. Tho moon — awake my blinking muse and let us K° l ' A POEM TO THK MOON. Pale orb of night, Bo pallid— white, Say it ii tme That lover's gioans And counties moans Have sickened you ? Tho' polished bright, Your pallid white Is weared with care ; Your bloodless face Weai h a grimace, Weaiily dreai. Up thuro among Tho trembling throng, You seem to float, A huge dead-head, Lit up— 'tis said, Not rudely— note ! O ! weary moon, On theo, 0 ! moon, To gloat in pain ; Yet Til attune, And next full moon P'uips gloat again. Bravo, old gal t we've done it " fullmoonlngly." The town has been quite gay v, ith the spicy ca\alry knocking around it. Thou matching to the music of the fife and the drum, their burnished accoutrements glistening in the moonlight, the measim-d tread of their tramp inspires we with Mich a sense of security, that I tauntingly invite tho Russian Bear to hurry uu and come and be " hugged," tho only doubt aiising in my mind is an to whicli will survive the embrace, the party hugging or the party hugged. The cavalrymen are first-class horsemen. As infantry they match well, but would march much butter if some of them only did so with the whole length of their logs and not merely with the lower halves of them. Tho band is magnificent, and plays charmingly. Tho rhythm of the big drum is uoiuleiful. It in a glorious lnstiuineut, and I pitcously petition for it as a place of refuge if required. On Fnday last about foity cavahy \ olunteors went to Auckland to take part in tho haster encampment programme Their horses went along as well, except some that got injured, one seriously ho in being ti ncked for transit. "Theirs not to reason why, Theirs but to kick and sign, No matter who blundered. A requisition from the ratepayers of the Kangiaohia Highway Board, requested the chauiuan of that body to call a public meeting, and soothe their irritating cuiiosity by anointing them with an oily nanative, doscnpture of tho destruction of the books, voucheis, memoranda, and nil othci manusciipt or printed rubbish boaids of cveiy kind graspuigly accumulate, ami explain what I'hieiiix-like prodigy might be. evpected to arise from the ashes of tliuii eiein.ition. Ti.o meeting was fairly at tended, and the nidos in the tug of war to t.iko place were about equal. The meeting opened with several " ahoms," »ome of them of Ruttmnl profundity, others of labial sweetness ; and much gentle cai easing of "moustaches." The chairman haltingly" read aloud— but not loud enough, tor he was lovingly requested to "speak up "—the notice culling the meeting, and what wax required of it. He biietiyand graphically described the office to be a shelf in his house. The shelf being burnt, therefore the road boaid books, being "on the shelf," weio burnt also. It appears the office formerly consisted of a box kept in the ptivato part of the 'Since upon a time" hotel. Hero a slight discussion that neatly swelled into a " Blue Ribbon " argument took place, as to which wan best for an office, a box in a public-house or a shelf in a private one. But soft words, I am glad to say, cooled the glowing wrath until it became stone cold. The conclusion I arrived at from the talk of tho meeting wan that the board was amalgamated and itstorted until all its essences were concontintod in ono grand great egotistical I, ornamental alike whether in a box oi on the shelf. Then Home pertinent questions were askod about rates, paid and unpaid. The chairman said ho could remember who had paid thoir rate* and who hadn't. Retontivenesu of memory Bottled those question*. Somewhere about thin pait of the proceedings the chairman, being only humnn, committed his first blunder by losing hid equanimity of tetr.por and coining down on a ratepayer like a wolf on a lamb. Being rilod at the ratepaying lamb's silly, spiteful, intemperate inuendoes, he foolishly threatened to have it exposed to tho chilly, outsido atmosphere. Ho win called to oidor by the audience, no offence, in their opinion, having been given to warrant his high handed threat. Ho was censured and Ins ught to occupy the chair discussed and ignored. His right, oh ! short-sighted, dis loyal mortals, had ho not the right of right", the royal right as King William of I'linm. Aftor a lot of verbosity, nnd tho honour being proudly declined by other*, he was properly elected to it, himself confirming tho appointment by dropping into it n itl) n tliud. After some talk about lo*t vouchers being replaced by newly-made ones — and I here ask what wrong there in in replacing u lo«t receipt with another of the name kind— the chairman fired a big ihot by utnting it was the intention of the (jovcruinent to " wipe out " all road board*. Homebody in the back seat* spitefully a-skod him if tho oow was dry, or if she'd stand another milkman. Here he made his second and last blunder by indulging in an inuendoed personality. Ido not ulunie him for it. for it would have taken an uncivilized North American Indian to have remained stoical all that night. In analysing the balderdash, tho result of my analyst* in, that the mystical cow is newly calved, and flusher than over. I can milk and would like to milk her. Here some of tho peoirio laughed, othors remaining solid and tightbp|M>f| us inures nf a funeral, Carried away by tho interest of my nubjeut, i have for gotten to put tlje laughing, frowning, clapping and stamping punctuations to this letter. The readers must do it themselves ; when thoy laugh the people laughed, and vico vnrsa. Tho shelli of rhetoric, full of naughty, nay, unnrmly, innundoos, had as much effect upon tho target they were firing

at as froshly chewed paper |>olletfl. Hero some gentlemen, cherishing the divine mi ige of their creation, got up and walked out of the hall. At a lull in tho lepaitee— no, I'll not desecrate that drawing room word, but substitute "abuse" instead — freely bandied from mouth to mouth, a gentleman erected himself, and condemning tho proceedings as " lot," pioposed th.it tho Kangiaolua Highway Board be done away with. In spite of Home opposition, his motion wan put to the mooting and cairied by a small majoiity. Tho resolution must have been committed to memory, for I saw n<> written minute made of it. It's all tight tho', foi the public is ovtiybody, and e\erybody's nobody. Another disappointed politician, mighty in the land ax Satmon wjs of old at pulling down things and raining a dust, read the following resolution in bell liko tones of mellifluent eloquence: — "That tho ratepayeis nf the Kangiaohia Highway Distiict roquost the chnirman to take o\er the s >le, timing •ni'Mit of their disti ict both politically and hit itictally his leisure tune to be employed in spreading tho principles of political inoi.ihty and (Joi)d Templaiy among the Maorii." The motion was pioperly put to the meeting and as pioperly earned— out of the hall bv the mover, and buried in one of the dust holes of liih waistcoat. I exhumed it from tlieie t<> place it here. To put the varnish on this letter, mid give my distant rcadeis >om" idev of what actually took place, I mn-t call upon their imaginations for assist' ntc. Let them fancy a\>tupei:i.ti\cniei'ting,abo\e which the demon Spite hoveied, IoAwJ d-mn l U""'» grnnieJ upon, and Kp.it upm. Thn meeting ahiuptly closed ; not even, in common courtesy, was a. vote of anything pioposed, aii'l the cliainnnii, mmling complacently, turned down the light-", nnd dismived the Hapieut people deeper engulphed in the wisdom of their darkne-.^. The meeting over, did I Hay ? No ! it was briefly held again in both the hotel", more prolongedly at the lounging coiners of the principal streets, at supper tables, in bedrooms, and e*en in bedn, and its last nhadowy recollections weie deposited by mo m dreamland, but e\en tho fantastic spirits «f that ideal ie.\hn contemptuously returned them to me m the form of a hideous mphtmaro. The rloi.il decoi.ttions in the Kngli-h Chinch on Sunday last were prettily ple.i-ing. I thus express myhelf, for -imple pie is mt impressions are, in my opinion, more cordially received and longer retained | than those of a more imposing character. The choir of this church is noted for its musical .vbihtv, and it fully sustained ite\cellency in the glorious anthems it sung. I have been asked to mention the scarcity of winged game, other than native, nnd suggest that a clo«e season bo adopted to remedy it. No sportsman would object to foiego his pleasuies foi one season, for if means are not taken to check the increasing scaicity of pheas nits, there will \eiy soon be no pheasant shooting at all.