CUPPINGS.

Waikato Times, Volume XXIV, Issue 1983, 24 March 1885, Page 4

CUPPINGS.

A May who is advertising lodgings to let "for e.nly riseis," ailils, "Cochin China fow Is ot unusual vucal powers are kept on the aujoinin^ premises." Avuywitty newspiper p<uagiaphi«t iccenfly received a letter requesting him t > sate what were tho principal causes of Ins \wt The answei wii piomptly r< turned It was. tins :" Nine houn of sleep every night, tlnee square mca's every d<i\, and a good salaiy " Not Km \VN.— Tiie teller of a bank in New Yoik reports the following incident : A German citizen, approaching the window, requested that a cheque payable to the order of Sehweit/erease, be cashed. " Ja, dot's me,' 1 he nodded, leas&unngly, in answer to the teller's look of iuquiiy. " But I don't know that you arc Mr Bchweit/eicase. You must get youi-bolf identified," said the teller. " How vas dat?" asked the Geunan citizen with a puzzled look. " You mu-«t get some one to identify you," rtpjatcri the b.uik officer; "I don't know you." "Ah, j i ! ' cried Hans, much lehevid ; " dot's all rifht I don't know jou neulei " " Whkki. arc you goiiu, my pietty maul ? ' " I'm going to college, sit," *-h>swd "Are you a Junior, my pretty maul ?" "No ; I'm a fiesh gill, sii," siusaid. "What will you study, m> pietty mini?' 1 "Locke's Cuticjue of Crochet, sir, " «he said. "Do you e\ er cut colli ge, my pietty maid'" "Well, sometimes — not often, sir," she said. "But do you s.noke, my pretty maid?" "Well, now, you've hit me, sir," she said. " What professor like you the best,'' my pretty miid?' "I like them all very much," she said. And with this she Rlupped around the corner to buy some chewing gum and h\ upactib for "Johnson's Evolution of Bangs." Ektoktivi. Tips from Roy\l Visitors. — -So far as evpense goes, it saves a lojal v isitor little or nothing to be a guest at "the Palace." The tips which are given aie enormous. When the Emperor Nicholas passed \scot week at Windsor C.istle, iii IS 14, h« left £3000 for the seiv, ui's, and gave twelve j;old and diamond anulF boxes to the lonla and gentlemen of the household. In 1835 the Empeior Napoleon give £1.100 to the Windsor servants, and last year the Kins; of the Netherlands expended nearly £h 00 in the same way. In fact, the Loid Steward keeps a legular tiutt of what is expected, tho amount varying aceoiding to the iauk of the guest, and tins is formally piesented to the principal peisonage in attendance on him —Truth. An cctiMoidinary project which, if executed, would render the Pans Exhibition of 18S9 for ever memoiable, has been published by M. Eiffel, the rieiieii engineer, and is described m "Le Nature." It is to eiect on the grounds of the Exhibition an iron tovver MOO metres in height, that is, twice as high is the Great Piyamid, and more than twice the height of the Stiasbing Cathedral. 100 metres he considers as the limit of height possible in a structure of wlreh stone is the principal material, and hence iron is proposed. The base of the tovvei is of pyramidal shape, and is to be 70 meties in height, and the superficial area at this height will beoOOO square meties; above this there are to be three other staves, or t>tore}S,in which will be looms which it is proposed to use for various purposes, scientific and other. Anyone wishing to engage the top for a quiet residence (luring their sojourn in Paris no doubt could be accommodated ata price — aSilver King price. There would be little smoke and no noise, a fine view, fresh air, and an easy escape by a balloon, kept filled and attached to the upper storey, could be assured in cisc of .i fiie downstairs. A run up and downstairs before bieakfast would cusure an appetite, A ontkibitor to a Dniiedin cou temporary wiites as follows: — Mr Massay lectured on " Why does not God kill the Devil?" — a conundiuin the answer to which, fiotn the Massey.tu point of view, would be, I suppose, that there is no Devil to kill. Permit me to bring to Mr Mass.'y's notice for use when next he disports himself on this leh'ned and cheerful subject, the clunisuii of Beranjjcr entitled "La Moit dv Di.ible." If judiciously distilled into English, the wicked wit of the French Bams in this little je.u d 'esprit would be inoie vexatious and harassing to the oithodox than anything Mr Massey could iment of his own. Eeranger relates how St. Ignatius poisons the duvil dining a drinking bout Sitan is " pi is de colique : )1 jure, il grimace, il se toid ; il cieve comme un heretique : — le diable est mort, lo (liable est mort ?" The news spreads, and the monks and canons aro in despair. The devil being dead the Church is ruined : people will buy no moie agnuin or oninmrs, they will want no more priests or masses ; alas, for our reveuuci ! chant the black brigade, dolefully — the game is up ; we have lost our father — Nous ay ous perdu noti c pere Le (liable e»t moit, le diable est mort ! This will suit Mr Massey to a nicety, but, in making him a present of it, I may remind him that our own Bums — for whom he has a gieat admiration — held a dilferent view altogether as to tho place and function of " Auld Nickie ben" in the moral economy of the universe :—: — Tho feir (< hell's a, hangman's whip To h.iud the wietch in order. There are wretdu'd who need it. It is not certain that the priests would grieve very much to learn that the devil is dead, but there can hardly be any doubt that thieves and harlots would be delighted. Raoitf Pasha, one of the Grand Viziers when " thn great Elchi " was at Constantinople, did not take kindly to Mr Alison, the eccentric secretary to the English Embassy. One day, the author of With Lot /I Sttalford in tin C>imeun War tells us, w hen Mr Alison called on Uaouf, the latter took no notice of him, but remained lolling on the sofa. Annoyed by this treatment, the \ isitor walked about the room with his hands in his pockets, whistling a tune and looking at the pictures. A horrified domestic thereupon came up to him and whispered that the individual on the sofa was the Grand Vizier himself. "Impossible ?" exclaimed Mr. Alison aloud in Turkish. " That must be some flunkey. The Grand Vi<cier would receive me like a gentleman." This brought Raouf to his bearings ; but later on he tried to pay off the insolent Briton in his own coin. In the midst of their conversation he suddenly broke off, saying the hour of prayer had ai rived, and knelt down at the end of the sofa. The Mussulman prayers end with a furious denunciation of all infidels, and, when the Grand Vizier came to this part, he rolled it out in a stentorian voice, as if levelled against his visitor, who knew enough Arabic to understand that a deliberate insult was intended by the emphasis laid on the words. The conveisation being renewed, by and by Mr Alison looked at his watch, and, declaring that his hour for prayer had anived, he went to the other end of the sofa, where he performed a variety of features and genuflexions, ending with a vociferous anathema ag.unst all Tin ks and other unbebvers in the Holy Chiistian faith. This he delivered in pure Arabic, and, when it was finished, the eccentric secretary walked off without taking the slightest notice of the raging Turk. Yes llt is certainly true. Ask any of your friends who liave purchased there. G irlu k andCramvell have numerous unasked for md very favourable commendations from country cust raors on their excellent packing of Furniture, Crockery, and GNss, &c. Ladies any gentlemen about to furnish should remember that Garhck and Cranwcll's is thk Cheap Furnishing Warehnmo of AurkInnd. Furniture to suit all classes , also Carpet*, Floor Cloths and all House Necc<sanes. If your new bouse is nearly finished, or, you are goinp to get married, visit Garhck and Cranwell, Qupcn-street and Lome-street, Auckland. Intending purchasers can have a catalogue cm frm. Ni'VFR Rptitrv —It is s-ud that one out of every four real invalids who go to foreign countries to recover health never return, except as a corpse. The undertakers, next to the hotelkeepers, have the most profitable business. This excessive mortality may be prevented, and patients saved and cured under th<» care of friends and loved ones at home, if tbey will but use American Co.'s Hop Hitters in time. Kt.-ul