TIGHT BOOTS, &c.

Waikato Times, Volume XXIV, Issue 1967, 14 February 1885, Page 6 (Supplement)

TIGHT BOOTS, &c.

Considering the boauty of my personal appearance, and the fascinating manner which I undoubtedly possess, it will surprise the reader to learn that I never was a vain man. I really never awoke to consciousness of those advantages until they were fast fading away. Aa I noted the ravages which time had effected upon my person, and reflected that the charm of my address had, in a measure, departed— when I saw that I was no longer as beautiful aa I used to be, and that my manner was usually either sycophantic or bullying, according as occasion demanded — as I noted these facts, it flashed across my mind that I must have been a thundering idiot not to have recognised the good gifts which I formerly enjoyed, and a still worse kind of idiot not to use them to better advantage. I remember that, when I was a youngster, I had such a poor opinion of myself that I could never muster up courage enough to kiss a girl — not even a girl who was simply suffering to bo kissed, so to say— until I had imbibed some inches of whiskey, or other potent stimulant. I had brothers, you see— brothers whom I regarded as much better looking, and more fascinating than myself, and who danced and sang, and generally made themselves agreeable in a small way, much better than I did myself. Those were my sentiments in days of yore ; now, of course, I know better, for wisdom comes with age, and I have learned to appreciate myself (or what was myself) properly. I had, however, one vanity which caused me much suffering, and cost me much money. It was a tradition in our family that we had small hands and feet, and, however careless we were aa to other articles of apparel, we made it a point to be well-gloved and well-shod. In the days to which I refer, a young man who respected himself would as soon have made his appearance in the street without trou — I mean, unmentionables— as without gloves. I affected lilac or primrosebud gloves, and nothing less than the manufacture of Jouvin and Dent would satisfy me. And nothing would have tompted me to wear those benzine-scented things which had passed through the cleaning process. As I always wear them a size too small, it may bo imagined that my glove bill made a fearful inroad upon my pocket-money. It was just the same with the boots : the finest kid alone satisfied me, and their size was always painfully less than could bo worn with ease or comfort. What horrible tortures I suffered in those .days 1 I perambulated the street a in silent 'agony, and a ball was to me a fore-taste of purgatory. My wretched toes were covered with chilblains in winter, and corns all the time, and I never know a moment of ease except when in my slippers; though, even then, paroxysms of pain would assail me at intervals of evory five minutes or bo,

This went on for years. For long weary years I walked the earth a miserable man, and knew not what it wag to enjoy a day free from pain. Who shall tell what stores of Rail did not accumulate within mo during that period of torture ? How do I know but for that one miserable vanity I might have developed into a good enough sort of chap, after all ? It makes mo wild to think of my folly, and I expose my weakness to the world out of tho deep pity I feel for similar misguided youth 1 ? in the, probably vain, hope that my experience may lead Home unfortunate to see tho error of his ways and reform. I reformed when I married. I had a drawer-full of gloves, which lasted me for theatre-going for years, and I at onco, and for ever, knuckled down to fate, and abjured tight boots. I oonclude, therefrom, that my only object in enduring the pecuniary expense and torture aforesaid was to ensnare girls. Evidently this mu<?t have been the case, else why did I wait to reform till I was married and done for? Not that my fiendish machinations had any great measure of success to boast of after all. With reform came ease, and my temper, which had theretofore been uncertain and fitful, mended in proportion to tho mending of my toes. I now wear boots a size too large for me, and ray hands are as guiltless of gloves as are those of a blackfellow. The foregoing reflections were inspired by a pitiful sight which met my eye to-day in George-street. I saw, Ptanding in front of the Post-office, a tall, good-looking, welldressed young fellow, whose faco palpably betrayed that he was enduring the direst torments. He was evidently waiting for somebody, and, as that was also the matter with mo, I had ample opportunity for observing him. Ho fidgeted about like a cat on hot bricks, and seemed to be unable to stand still for one single moment. A glance at his feet betrayed hiq secret to me at once ; it was a case of tight boots. Tho°e he wore were palpably too small for a man of his build, and — I wish I may be kicked to death by mosquitoes if I am not telling the solid truth— those boots came right out to a point, after the fashion of tbe shoon worn by John o' Gaunt and other gentlemen who lived in tho dark ages. I wonder ia that the coming fashion ? If so I'm not in it, for one — you don't catch me compressing my toes in such an abominable manner, if I am aware of it. I went to a boot palace, not boing particularly pressed for time, in order to obtain an answer to this question. " You ask " Why palace ? " and I own that the question ia not easily answered. We have cofiee palaces, gin palaces, palace hotels, palace emporiums, and, therefore, why not boot palaces? The title is intended, I suppose, to convey an idea of grandeur and magnificence, and i 3 more often misapplied in the first-men-tioned instances than in the case of the only "boot palace" which has come under my notice. This is really an establishment on a sufficiently extensive scale to warrant the assumption of an unusual title. It is the property of Mr. John Hunter, and is situated at the junction of George and Market-streets. The building is the most imposing struoture in the neighborhood, and displays, apparently, at least an acre of plate glass. In the numerous windows may bo seen luife trophies of boots, shoes, and slippers ; and beforo the windows may usually be seen youths and maidens gazing admiringly upon the show. Inside, instead of the dingy furniture and dim light which are so generally met with in boot stores, all is sparkle and flitter. The fittings are of carven cedar, and the ceilings are lofty. There are several compartment"?, all crowded with attendants, and usually crowded with customers as well. And the perf nme of leather ia not distinctly perceptible. It <Va palace, as far as size and brilliancy are concerned, and certainly it would take a prince's income to run the Bhow. The foitunate proprietor is comparatively a new comer in Sydney, and ho owc3 hi 3 success entirely to his own pluck and good management. He began at once by supplying the best kind of article, at a rate which made his rivals shiver, and predict a speedy downfall. But the people soon learned that their interest lay in supporting such a venture, and Mr. nunter's trade speedily outgrew his premises. This was not accomplished without much judicious advertising, and, aa 1 take a deep interest in advertising, as every journalist ought to, I am well pleased to chronicle Mr. Hunter's success. He owns also a branch establishment in Wynyard Square, which is devoted to the wholesale business, in which line he originally began his career in Sydney. I encountered a young lady on entering the "palace," who, in reply to my query as to whether pointed toes were to be the fashion, informed me that some effort in that direction had been made a year or so ago, but that it had never become popular. Then she went for me, as fiercely as a life assurance agent, and finally ran me into buying a pair of female slippers. Trouble was the result of this investment. When I reached home I hung my coat on its usual peg, and started off to chop wood. My wife then, as is her playful custom, proceeded to examine my pockets, and soon unearthed the slippers. Very gravely, she came to me with them in her hand. "Who are these for? " she asked, in sepulchral tones. I saw that trouble was coming, so I answered gaily : " Who should they bo for but you, my dear? " " That is best known to yourself, air," she replied, in a terribly calm way, which did not, however, deceive me. " These slippers are fours, and you well know that threes aro my si/ce. Besides, when did you ever buy me slippers embroidered after this fashion? No, any old thing is good enough for your wife. 800-ooh 1 " Then I laid aside the axe, and it fook me twenty minutes to patch up a temporary peace. Only temporary, I fear, for I am sure I shall catch it all over again when I retire for the night. Moral : When you buy fancy slippers, carry them in your hand, and give them to your wife the very minute you arrive home, or otherwise look out for squalls.

the latter reapect being impressed upon the bones and flints that convey to the modern student very clear, suggestions of their reflpective advanco in the industries of domestic and social life. But how long the men of CroMagnon or Neanderthal lived befoie the appeai ance of the man of Grenelle is but a subject of speculation as yet. They were contemporaries in the quaternary epoch of goo lo<?y ; and like typos of development, cranial and mental, exist to day. The man of Canstadt waa as well endowed aq the wild Australian, or the Bushman of South Africa ; the man of Cro-Magnon is represented to-day by the American Indian, his type of head being quite the same, and the n>an of la Truchere hag left us in the few bones that remain of him the surprising witness of a cranial capacity equal to that of the modern European. Some archaeologists are of opinion that this large-headed man of la Truohere has a more ancient history than even tho long-headed raceg of Canatadt and Neanderthal. M. de Quatrefages thinks so. Accept this and we are placed in a strange dilemma with regard to the alleged descent of man from the pithecoid ape ; for an immense chasm or hiatus exists between the dolichocephalic man and the highest anthropoid ape, tho gorilla. If somewhere in the alluvial deposits of the tertiary there lie remains of an intermediate race, of an ape-man, his cranial characteristic? must suggest the Canstadt type, but very much below it, and this to be true would show that there were alternations of development ; that somehow tho broad-headed, large brained man succeeded the low-browed, small-brained ape-man, and was succeeded in turn by the narrow-headed race of Canstadt. Surely, this would be altogether out of keeping with the normal procedure of development, and logically impossible. The Gorilla, assumed by the Darwinist to approach nearest to man, presents another difliculty on the side of intelligence, because, he is noi the equal, by any means, of the chimpanzee or orang outang in intelligence ; in fact, is inferior to tho dog. Can it be that nature so exhausted herself in bringing forth the ape-man that she did not endow him with the vigor necessary to withstand the cataclysms or other crises of the remote tertiary, and so he perished, leaving no trace for the gratification of the yearning Haeckehte ? If bo, whence came the men of the stone age, those rude contemporaries of the mammoth and hairy elephant ? And how is it that tho gorilla has degenerated from that high estate which must have been his, if the major premise implied in our query be admitted? The revelations of geology, interpreted with candor, point to the conclusion that primitive man, wherever he lived, 10,000 or 50,000 years ago, was as much man, distinctively, by physioal and mental organisation, as man to-day. In his need 3, methods of self-preservation, hia industries, wars, social domestic habits, appreciation of ornament, sense of fear, adoration of a spiritual Power, tho cave-dweller of the Drift period was the analogue of the man of the nineteenth century. — Phrenological Journal.