CLIPPINGS.

Waikato Times, Volume XXIII, Issue 1947, 30 December 1884, Page 4

CLIPPINGS.

A money-lender at Carlsruhe, in Baden, named Hauaemau, has been fined SOO marks, imprisoned six years, and deprived of 'civil righta for five years thereafter, for excessive usury. It rather disgusted a Vermont man who went to a neighbour's barn to Bteal cow to find when he got the animal home that it was his own cow which his neighbour had stolen earlier in the night. Teacher : " Why, how stupid you are to be sure ! Can't multiply 88 by 24. I'm sure that Charles can do it in less than no time." Pupil :"I should't be suprised. They say that fools multiply very rapidly nowadays !" " Pomade, sir ?" politely said a barber to a cranky customer in the chair. " No," he growled, " I don't want any oleomargarine on my head." " All right, sir," replied the cranium manipulator, '' I never put butter on cabbage !" A Montana justice of peace has been fined 50 dol. for marrying an eloping couple. He is now trying to figure up his profit on the transaction, his fee being an order on the bride's father for a ton of coal. Dolls are now made to jry and say papa and mamma, and now 11 that i really needed to make a childless home supremely happy is some one to smear sweetmeats over carpets and furniture. A man bought a horse on condition that he should pay half down and be in debt for the remainder. A short time after the fellow demanded payment for the balance. The other answered — •' No ; it was agreed that I should be in your debt for the remainder. How can that be if I pay it ?" By falling from a waggon, a Chinaman in California, whose life was insured for a large amount, was seriously hurt. There was some doubt as to his ever getting better, and at length one of his friends wrote to the insurance company, "Charley half dead ; likee half money." They were standing at the front gate. •'Won't you come in the parlour and sit a little while, George ?" " N-no I guess not," l-eplied George, hesitatingly. "I wish you would," the girl went on ; " it's awfully lonesome. Mother has gone out and father is upstairs groaning with rheumatism in the legs." " Both legs ? " asked George. " Yes, both legs." " Then I'll come in a little while." A Timely Tone— While an Indian editor was home sick with typhoid fpver, and his wife and little daughter v ero suffering at the same time with diphtherii and scarlatina, the office boy clipped and published as a leader the following medical note :— " Typhoid fever, diphtheria and scarlatina arc the icsults of human ignorance, stupidity, In^ness and filth, rather than visitations of God." They say grace before meals at the house of Mr lVteison. One day a little girl living in the neighborhood was invited to dinner, and the giace fcalmo of the meal excited her cuiiobity. "What does ' Amen' mean ?" ask the little stranger, " You don't know that?" leplitd one of the Peteison childien. " Why, that m^ans we can pitch into the guib." " Pvhuon me, Monsieur 1c Duccteut : but how much would it cost me to call you an idiot '{" Doimeuil, boiling with fury, thun lcrcd, "You would be fined twenty fi.uics. '" "Twenty francs," inurmuied the other softly, and with a sigh. "Ah me : it is too much ; too much ! I cannot, in til? piesent state of my finances, afford the pleasure. But, if it had been only five fiancs — !" French Fun.

Remember This. If you are sick Hop Bitters will surely aid Nature in making you well v lien all else fails. If you are costive 01 dyspeptic, or aro suffering fiom any other of the numerous diseases of the stomach or bowels, it is your own fault if you remain ill, for Hop Bitters is a sovereign lemedy in all such complaints. If you are w asting a^ ay with any form of Kidney disease, stop tempting Death this moment, and turn for a cure to Hop Bitters. II you arc sick with that terrible disease, Nervousness, you will find a " Balm in Gilead" in the use ot Hop Bitteis. If you are a fierjueuter, or a resident of a miasmatic district, banicade your system against the scourge of all countries — malarial, epidemic, bilious, and intermittent fevers — by the use ot Hop Bitters. If you have rough, pimply, or sallow skin, bad breath, pains and achesi, and feel mfserab/e generaMy, Hop Bitteia will give you fair skin, rich blood, and sweetest bteath, health and comfort. In shoit, they cure all Diseases of the stomach, Bowels, Blood, Liver, Nerves, Kidney's, Blight's Disease. £500 will be paid for a case they \\ ill not cure or help. Druggists and chemists keep them, That poor, bedridden, invalid wife, sister, mother, or daughter, can be made the picture of health, by a few bottles of Hop Bitters, costing but a tnfle. Will you let them suffer ?