Fun.

Waikato Times, Volume XXIII, Issue 1935, 29 November 1884, Page 2 (Supplement)

Fun.

The 8011-Dog and the Pants. One day as an animated Canine of the Bovine variety was chewing the seat of a Young Man's pants his teeth came in contact with a Deathdealing Implement known as a Five-shot Eevolver,' The Dog unwisely endeavored to assimilate the Article, when it discharged and fatally wounded him. The Animal rolled over in agony and the Young Man ejaculated in gleeful tones : " Aha, my Cannibalistic Friend, when you Tackled me you were Unaware that I was Loaded." " True," replied the Dog, faintly ; " but if I had Tackled you Unawares ebe but where I did you would have Discovered that I was Loaded." Then the Animal's suftering ceased and the Young man secured enough Money for the Mangled Eemains from a Sausage-Makev to enable him to have Ms Trousers repaired. Moral : Never Bite More'n You Can Chaw.

A gentleman of this city, who is fond of using old sayings and speaking in metaphors, went to look at a house that was for rent ; he was accompanied by the German landlord. "Nice house," said the would-be tenant; "pleasant location, but the looms are too small, I couldn't swing a cat here ! " " Vot vaa that ? " inquired the landlord. " Rooms are not big enough to swing a cat in.'f " Vot for you vants to sving der cat? " " Why I might want to, and if I should there is not room enough," said the American, laugh _ ing. "I lik9B not der cat ter sving mine house in,' said the landlord, and went home. The next day the gentleman who wanted to renil received a note : " Mine fren— l rents mine house by a family mitout cats." — Detriot Free Press.

Literary conversation at a fashionable recap* tion. Mr. Spidloe, having been introduced to Miss Zagwell, says - " Very fine assemblage." " Very, »nd quite literary, too." "Very. You are fond of literature, I pre] sume ? " " Ah, very. I dote on it." " You like Shakespeare, I dare say ? " " Ah, very much. Do you ? " " Very fond of him ; I like Burns, too." " So do I, very much indeed." " Do you like Goldsmith ? " " Very, very much. Do you like Byron ? " " Think he's grand. Do you like Pope ? " " Oh, very much. Do you like Shelley ? " > " Oh, yes, he's good. Tell you a good writer"Who?" " Milton," - " Yes, he is very good, indeed." ; Afterwards Mr. Spidloe, in speaking »f 'flhe young, lady, she is ifOUderfoUy' jreU . read, and she, in 6peaking of him,' says': ; he's just read everything." — ArJeantai Traeellif* '