Fun.

Waikato Times, Volume XXIII, Issue 1920, 25 October 1884, Page 2 (Supplement)

Fun.

The following good story comes from the Topical Times :—lt: — It was in a country church, and the vicar, before morning service, told the curate to give out a notice about baptisms, and another about some new hymn-books. In reading the notices the curate reversed their order, and gave them as follows : " For the future, Hymns Ancient and Modern will be used in this church." There will be a baptism of infants held in this church on Sunday next." " All parents wishing to hare their children baptised must send in their names to the vicar before Wednesday." The vicar, who was somewhat deaf, heard the curate's voice cease, but did not observe that the order of the notices had been reversed, so he rose and said : " And I should further like to mention that those who wish to procure some of the latter can obtain them, on applying at the vioarage, for one shilling, or with extra stiong backs for eighfceen-pence."

" 3> you will permit me to say so, doctor," remarked the patient, " science has in you one of its most persevering disciples." The doctor's face expressed the gratification the compliment gave him, and the patient continued : " But I have one favor to ask of you." "Name it," said the pleased and smiling Galen. •' You have treated me scientifically for six weeks." " Yes." " Well, give me something now to get well on."

" Your father is entirely bald now, isn't he?" said an Austin man to the son o£ a millionaire. " Yes," replied the youth, sadly, "I'm the only heir he haa left." — Texas Sifting s.

Noted by an exchange : — " It is a remarkable fact that however well young ladies may be versed in grammar very few are enabled to decline matrimony."

A tuaciieb in a suburban school was giving her class an object le3aon a few days ago, and drew a cat on the blackboard for its inspection. She then asked what there was on the cat, and the unanimous reply was " hair.' " What else ? " she queried. There was a long pause of consideration, but finally the hand of a bright-eyed little five-year old shot up, and almost simultaneously came her triumphant answer : " Fleas."

j " What are these cups for ? " asked a welldressed young man of a jeweller, pointing to "some elegant silver cups on the show-case. I " These are race-cups, to be given as prizes to the best racer." "If that's so, suppose you and I race for one," and the stranger, with j the cup in hand, started, the jeweller after him. The stranger won the cup.

Together, they were looking over the paper. " 0 my, how fanny ? " said she. " What is it ?" he asked. "Why, here's an advertisement that says, ' no reasonable offer refused." ' "What's so odd about that?" "Nothing, nothing," she said, trying to Jblush ; " only those are my sentiments."

" Can you give mo a little money on that account of yourg this morning." " No." " Well, will you appoint a time when you can ? You've traded [with) me a good deal and have never paid me a cent." " I know it. lam a free trader."

Pair of Chews. At an intended wedding, just as tho ceremonieß were to begin, the bride suddenly called upon the bridegroom to abjure tobacco, on pain of forfeiture of wedded bliss, etc., which he refused to do— then and there taking a fresh quid from his tobaoco-box, to show his independence. Whereupon tho young lady took out a dainty box, " took a chew," amid the applause of the guests, and ordered the clergyman to go ahead. This was too much for the bridegroom, who fled the scene, leaving the girl triumphant, with a piece of liquorice in her mouth.

An Indian named" Man Afraid of Nothing " married a white woman in Montanya recently, and one week after the wedding applied to his tribe to have his name changed. — Bismarck Tribune.

An engaged couple having appeared several times before a clergyman to get married, who on each oooasion declined to perform the ceremony because the groom was invariably drunk, at last reproved the girl for bringing her lover before him in such a condition, whereupon she burst into tears, and said ; " But, sir, he won't come Vohen he's sober ! "

11 So Mrs. Jones' broftber is dead," said Gossip No. Ito Goasip ISfo. 2. "So I hear," "Will Bhe go into mourning?" "I understand she will wear half mourning." " How is that? " " Why, you eete it is only her half brother." — Marathon Independent.

"How do you like tftxo new minister, Mary?" ( " I think he's just too sw&et." •• Preaches eloquent sernjions? " " I don't know ; our pew j's too far back to hear well, but he called tme other evening while pa and ma were awayAand said he was going to restore one of the\ customs of the earlier church." / "Did he give you any $de» of what it was?" \ " Oh, yes ; he gave it to mfo several times." "What did he call it?" / "The holy kiss." >

"My son," said an old nearo, " now dat you's outen de penitentiary, tryi tea keep out, an' arfcer did, doan steal, le&Btk/ina doan do lack yer did befo', steal a pair W boots wat was too big fur yeself an' too litlUe for yer old daddy. Ef yer kaint pick -up aatbin' dat'll do yer some good try an be hofcefl'."— Texat Siftings. f ~\