Fatherhood.

Waikato Times, Volume XXIII, Issue 1917, 18 October 1884, Page 2 (Supplement)

Fatherhood.

No Man is considered funny who can't turn out a joke on the mother-in-law. In the sense that " Bread is the staff of life, and whisky life itself," she is the staff of humor. Men fall back on her for a funny saying, just as readily as they do on their father-in-law, 'for more substantial comfort. Who ever knew a joke on the mother-in-law, no matter how weak, that failed to rise a laugh ? If you see a man accompanied by a female a few years his elder (you know the mother-in-law is not, generally, much the senior of the hußband) your first thought is his mother-in-law ; and if there is any possible chance to get a listener, you will relate some old-time mother-in-law joke, and feel kappy all day, because of your wit. While mothers-in-law are an inexhaustable mine for funny people, motherhood is the never failing, good-as-long-as-water-runs, for the sentimental. It sounds and reads nice, and makes us soft every time the subject is touched, but who, in all past time, from the firßt writer down to the uprising of law-abid-ing citizens in Cincinnati, has ever given serious thought to the king bee cf the whole caboodle—fatherhood ? In the name of everything that is good to drink —except gin —why does motherhood equal fatherhood? Because of its gentleness and suffering? Well, is there no suffering in fatherhood ? Tea, verily yea 1 fatherhood is a dizzy sufferer. Who is it that has to bear the company of all his wife's relations every day after, and for weeks before, a case of motherhood at his house? why, fatherhood! Can motherhood suffer more ? Who is compelled to sleep with a carbon oil lamp in the room, turned down to smoke line, which gives him the headache, because you don't know what will happen before morning ? Fatherhood I Who must get up in the middle of the night and go running all over town looking for Dr. D., because no other will do ? Fatherhood. After it is all over and fatherhood and motherhood are full of joy over childhood, who smiles like a saint, and feels like the devil when everybody says: it looks just like its papa! Why, poor, gentle, unloved, suffering fatherhood. He it is who gets up a dozen times during the night, and puts so many drops of paragoric in so much water to cure the colio in a baby that never drops any more than the nurse, who is snoring in the next room. How he*wishes the " wind on the little darling's stomaoh " would form itself into a cyclone and blow her out of bed. Fatherhood has a particular old chum whose name he wants to give childhood. It makes him flush with joy to think of the many times they have drunk the health of the first boy that should come to either of them. The one that got the first was to name it after the other. He suggests this to motherhood, who receives it with astonishment. She wants to name it after sister Sallies fellow, he is so nice, and they are going to be married in the spring. Fatherhood gives in realizing that in the future he is to take second place, and is kept around the house " for revenue only."

" Here is a poem which you may publish in yonr paper," said a young man, with eyes in a fine frenzy rolling as he entered the editorial door. "I dashed it off rapidly, in an idle moment, and you will find it in a rough state, as it were. You can make such correction as yon think necessary." "Ah, much obliged. " said the editor. "I will give you a cheque for it at onoe." "You are very kind," said the contributor. " I will be delighted." -

11 There you are, " paid the editor, handing him the cheque. " Many thanks,', 1 exclaimed the yourfg man. " I will bring you some other poems." When he got to the door he suddenly paused, then came back. " Excuse me," he said, " but you forgot to fill up the cheque. You have not written the date, nor the amount, nor have you signed your name." "Oh," said the editor, "that is all right. You see, I have given you a cheque in its rough state, as ib were. You can make sucn corrections as you think necessary."