Fun.

Waikato Times, Volume XXIII, Issue 1914, 11 October 1884, Page 2 (Supplement)

Fun.

The Marquig cle Calinany has baen ordered by the doctor to bathe his eyes in warm water s "Joseph," says the marquis to his valel, bring me some boiling water, and put plenty of ice in it — it is very warm !" A lion tamer has a quarrel with his wife, a powerful virago, who chases him all over the tent. Peeling her nails on him, and seeing no other place of refuge, he makes a rush into the lion's cage I " Coward !" screams his better half. " Come out of that, you coward 1" The Marquis de Calinaux to his son : " I am not rich, my boy, because your mother was very extravagant. Ahl if I had never married you might have had, after me, an income o£ five thousand a-year." " Well, how is the rheumatism in your right arm ?" " Gone, doctor. For an hour I rubbed my left kneo energetically with the mixture you prescribed and the pain disappeared." "What! the left knee?" "Yes; and the exercise restored -my right arm to its usual elasticity I" The doctor, aside : " That's worth knowing 1" Why are some married ladies very like the kettle of domestic use ? Well, because sometimes they sing away very nioely, you' know ; then they stop, and, when you least think of it, they — boil over! "My dear," said a Mormon wife to her husband, " I should think that you would be ashamed of yourself, flirting with that Miss 8., as you did in church to-day." " Flirting with her ? " he replied, in astonishment; "why we have been engaged for more than three months. It's all over the town." " Oh, I beg your pardon," said his wife, indifferently. "If you are engaged to her, I suppose it is all right. When does the happy event occur ? " — Philadelphia Gall. "Hello 1 Where are you going? Don't go up there ; it's dangerous." " What's the matter ?" " They're going to explode a blast up there in a few minutes." " Well, there ain't any danger, I guess." " Yes, there is." " Oh, no ; I guess not. I see a policeman up there ; and if there was any d&nger he wouldn't be there." — Somerville Journal. Jim Websteb, a hard-looking colored man, was brought to a juctice in Austin for stealing some money from the house of Colonel Jones, one of the most respectable citizens. Said the judge very impressively to Jim : " Didn't you know that no good can come from stolen money — that there is a curse on it?" 384.