Ladies Column. The Etiquette of Mourning. FROM THE QUEEN.

Waikato Times, Volume XXIII, Issue 1914, 11 October 1884, Page 2 (Supplement)

Ladies Column. The Etiquette of Mourning. FROM THE QUEEN.

The inclination of the day is towards much shorter periods of mourning than was formerly the case. We obseive that the shorter the periods of mourning are the deeper for the time is the mourning worn, so that halfmonrning, which was at one time a great feature in mourning for aunts, cousins, etc., is now almost abandoned, and only resorted to in longer periods of mourning. The inquiries we so constantly leceive show that extreme uncertainty as to what may be termed the proprietiea of mourning prevails, some fancying it necesaary to wear crape for distant relatives, others not realising that it is indispensable in really deep mourning. Some, 100, seem unable to understand that crape, which ia the recognised symbol of the deepest mourning, cannot be worn in conjunction with any material which is not also adapted to deep mourning. Thus crape is absolutely inaclmisaabio with vslvsf", satin, lace, bright or glace silks, embroidery, fringe, excepting the special " crape fringe," or, indeed, with anything but mourning silk, paramatta, merino, cashmere, woollen barogo or grenadine, or barathea. We must be understood to speak only of the strictly orthodox and necessary periods of mourning and their different degrees. There are very many who cannot afford always to dre?rf with perfect correctness, whether in mourning or out of it, and it is to those who lack the requisite knowledge rather than the meaus that our remarks must bo held to apply. To some, perhaps, the periods named m&y seem insuificient. This must, of course, ba a matter of individual feeling, and everyone is naturally a 5 liberty to lengthen the periods at pleasure. But it i<? an undoubted fact that it is the accepted custom of tha day to render all mournings, excepting those of widows, or of parent j and children, shorter than they formerly were, and many person? consider this an advantage, as decreasing the woarines3 and consequent disiaste which the old long periods created. It is our part only to indicate clearly the conventional periods required by custom, and the degree of mourning appropriated to each. A widow's mourning is, of course, the deepest, and continued for the longest period. For the first twelve months the dresc and manile must be of parramatta, the skirt of the dress covered with crape, put on in one piece to within an inch of tha waist ; sleeves tight to the arm, bodice entirely covered with crape, deep, tight-fitting lawn cuffj with broad hems, and deep lawn collar. The mantle or jacket, of the same material as the dress, is very heavily trimmed with crape. The distinctive widow's cap must be won for a year ; there are various shapes, anyone of Avhich may be chosen. It is no longer customary to wear it beyond the year, as was formerly frequently clone. The bonnet is entirely of crape ;it ha 3 a widow's cap tacked inside, and i 3 worn with a crape veil with a deep hem. When the crape on tbe dress requires renewing, it must bp put on precisely a3 at first until the fiist nine months have expired, after which, if preferred, it may be put on in two deep tucks with about an inch space between them. Ciape cloth is permissible, and well adapted for a rough or walking dress for the country ; it wears well, and is not very easily distinguishable from crap 3 at a distance. After the expiration of the first year," widow's silk " may be substituted for paramatta ; but it must bo heavily trimmed with crape. This is worn for three months, when the crape may be very sensibly lightened, and for the next three months jet passementerie and fringe may be used. Ac the end of the six months (eighteen months in all) crape may be left off, and plain black worn for six months. Formerly it was usual to wear half mourning for six months or even a year longer, but this is now seldom done, and two years complete the period of mourning. For the first year, while a widow wears her weeds, she can, of course, accept no invitations ; and it is in the worst possible taste for her to ba seen in any place of public resort. After the first year she can, if so disposed, gradually resume her place in society. It is usual for the pocket handkerchiefs to have broad black edges, and no jewellery of any kind, with the exception of jet, can be worn. The mourning of a parent for a child, or of a child for a parent, is the next degree of mourning, and lasts for twelve months. For the first three, parramatta, merino, coburg, woollen grenadine, or some similar material heavily trimmed with crape, usually in two deep tucks, is worn ; for the next three silk — mourning, that is quite dull, silk, of course — with less crape, the latter arranged more ornameatally in plaits, folds, or bouillonnes, is admissible. The crape bonnet may have jet upon it, and the veil may ba of net, with a deep crape hem. Linen collars and cuffs cannot be worn with crape. Crepe lisse frills are de rigueur. Sable or any other colored fur must be left off ; plain, untrimmed sealskin is admissible, but it never looks well in really deep mourning. After six months crape may be left off, and plain black, with jet ornaments and black gloves, worn for two months. For the next two, black dresses; with gold or silver, pearl or diamond ornaments, and grey gloves, sewn with black. After this, half-mourning— such as black dresses with white flowers or lace; white dresses, with black ribbons ; or grey dresses, trimmed with black. There is a very prevalent notion that red is a sort of mourning, and that red flowers or ribbons may be worn with black for slight mourning ; but, though occasionally done, it is not at all good taste. It should always be borne in mind that only jet ornaments are permissable with crape; neither gold, silver, nor precious stones can be worn with it, neither can lace be in any way intermingled with it. This is a fact which seems to be very imperfectly comprehended. „ Society must be totally relinquished for two,mpnths, and it is in far better taste to avoid Jballs so long as crape is worn; its appea|£3foe in a ball-room is a great incongruity. 1% grandparents the mourning, which w|s fctrmerly nine months, is now only six-JjjjiW^iij," silk and slight crape, two in blaek^faiS p in half mourning. I\^ / For brothers and sisters t|te%ri|\u'ning, whioh was formerly six jnpilp|^is now usually four ; some even curt*i£,ifejio three,

but this is hardly such good tasie. It is more correct to wear crape, which should be tolerably deep, for two months, and plain black for two, than to reserve any of the time for half mourning. For an uncle or aunt the period formerly was three months, and slight crape was worn, now six weeks is the orthodox time, and crape is not required. Now that the time of the morning is diminished by one-half, and crape abolished, black is generally worn the whole time, for the first month with jet, afterwards with gold, silver, pearls, or diamonds ; no colored stones. For a great uncle or aunt five weeks, two in black, thiee in half mourning. For a first cousin a month, generally the whole time in black. It is now by no means U3ual to wear mourning at all for a second cousin ; but if it is done, three weeks are quite sufficient. Eelations by mamage ara mourned for precisely in the same degree as real ones. Thus a wife wears exactly the same mourning for her husband's! relations as she would for her own, and mourns for her sister's husband in the identical ameunt of crapo which she would wear for her sister herself. There are, however, exceptions to this rule. For instance, a lady would mourn for her uncle by marriage for six weeks if his wife (her aunt) were alive ; but if she were dead the mourning for the uncle might ba curtailed to a month. These remarks exhaust, we think, all the degrees of actual relationship; but there are a few remarks to be made on " complimentary mourning." For instance, when a man has married a second time, his second wife must wear slight morning for three months on the death of the first wife's parents, and for six weeks on the death of her brothers or sisters, if any intimacy has been kept up. This i 3 not do rigucur like real mourning for absolute relatives, but it is good taste, and usual in good society. So also it is usual for a mother, whosB married son or daughter loses a parent-in-law, to wear black — of comso without crape — for one month, and half mourning for another. Besides the actual dress, thero are some points of etiquette connected with mourning. Black-edged envelopes and paper must bs uped. The width known as " extra broad "is the deepest that should ever be used, even by widows, the " double broad " being too much. Even for widows the simple " broad " is in batter taste than either ; " middle " is the proper width in mourning for parent or child ; " narrow " for brothers or sisters ; "Italian" for all other relatives. Visiting cards are only edged with black whon crape is worn, so black edged cards are not requisite for an uncle or aunt. The edges should be of the same width as that adopted for the papsr. Cards returning thanks for ihe kind inquiries of those who have either called or Bent to inquire, should not be aent out till the mourners fael equal to again receiving visitor i ; it is the accepted token of their being once more visible. Letters of condolence should bo written on paper with a slight black edge, and offence shouM never be taken if thay are left unanswered. Many people consider it coiiect to wear black on a first visit to a house of mourning, and though this is not absolutely necessary, it is certainly in better taste to avoid brilliant colours on such an occasion.