CLIPPINGS.

Waikato Times, Volume XXIII, Issue 1903, 16 September 1884, Page 4

CLIPPINGS.

Old gentleman : " Ah, Mrs BrownSmith, dul you keep a diary during your visit to the country ?" Mrs Brown-Smith, indignantly : " No, sir, I didn't. The family bought milk from the neighbonrs." WHEELS WITHIX WIIBKI.S — Tho Parliamentary correspondent of the Southlaud News is responsible for the following :— "Two main factors in the defeat of the first Vogel-Stout Ministiy were the Union Steamship Company ami the Westport Colliery Company. The fiist want the abolition of t-c B in Francisco mail service, they having now a conti.ict with the Oiiental line. To this abolition the Stout- Vogel combination were opposed. It appears that a fortnightly direct mail service is the programme of the Union Company, and the abolition of the San Ftancisco service, which, I am informed, will be discontinued after the present year. The plea urged will be that the service's earnings are annually growing less. The Westport Colliery Company, in which men like Messts Larnach, Reynolds, and Oliver arc largely interested, would be affected largely by the railway from Grey mouth to Canterbury. Hence their hostility to the policy of the late Government." 'IIIEKOUTINE OF L-OUKTINO IN MEXICO. — When a Mexican young man fixes his affection upon a girl whom he dosnes to marry, he must undergo probation and tabulation before he can hope to win her. Of com so he has no acquaintance whatever with her, and he may not call boldly at the house like an honest man. So he wanders back and forth, day and night, before her windows, until he has succeeded in attracting her attention — frequently attracting the attention of the family bull-dog, paterfamilias' boot, or the police instead. When she begins to smile, be it never so bashfully upon him, he grows bold, and tosses banquets through the bars of her windows when the old folks aio not looking, and by andbye tucks tender little billet douv in among the flowere. If tho damsel's affections are not othciwise occupied she is not slow to respond, and then her attendance at church is moie constant tiian ever, and her piecious health demands a % ait amount ot cxeicisein the plazi. They may not sp.-ak to each other; he dare not ask a fnciul of the family to intioduce him ; but they exchange sly smiles and looks of meaning and sometimes when, as by accident, she falls behind her duenna in some leafy path where the light is conveniently obscure, he gives her little hand a squeeze while slipping a note into it. liow she, so closely watched and guaided, gets her reply to him is known only to the two most concei ne.l ; but " the gentlest of her sex " does not let concealment piey, like the woim 1 ' the bud, upon her damask cheek to any gieat dcgiee. Even when sure of her heai t the young man must not go to her father and as>k his daughter's hand in mariidge, but sends a fueml to negotiate for him. If the patents con sent he is then accoidcd the blessed privilege of falling at specified interval-, and seeing his piomiscd bnde upon the opposite side ot the 100 m in the piesence of the family. Immediitely thereafter they are" legally betiothed, a solemn ceiemony, duly witnessed and recorded, which is almost as binding a marriage itself. But still he is not allowed to see her for a moment alone, or to accompany lur in her walks or drives, till aftei the matiimonial knot is tied. The little formality of learning her tastes and temper is defeuecl foi connubial bh&s. AN IVTRKRUTTKi) hPHKCH.— It was in 1793. The Maiquis De Maivillc, a noble man of the Court a, simple,- kind heat ted n. an, who had joined the Republican party at the commencement, was placed under aricst, and sentenced to death, in ppite of his libeial opinions. lie was an aristocrat — that was enough. On the scaflold he turned to Samson, the executioner, and craved pel mission to say afcwwoids. This was gt.uited. "YVoiking men !" he said. '• I have liadfaithful in you, and have been your ftiend. Some persons who wish to deceive you, and lead you on to mm, have condemned me to death. Be it so. But bofote I die, I desire to tell you the ti uth "At a sign from the Government official, Samson here seized the Maiquis by the shoulders, strapped him to the plank, and placed his head under the lunette. Hie Maiquis went on to say : " Though a member of a pwvileged class, I willingly abandoned it in older to shaie your life, and to earn my daily bread by the toil of my hands. I have always acted as a true patiiot " The axe fell. But through constant use thci gullottne had got out of oider, and the axe impeded in its descet.t, tested on the neck of the victim, mm uly cutting into the flesh. Samson and his assistants fixed Hie blade in its original position. Meanwhile the Maiqnis calmly piocecded : " As I was observing, men ot the people, when I was interrupted " Ileic the knife in its fall intetinpted, for the second and last time, the speech of M. de Mamllc. The above isan historical fact, and is recorded in a woi k to be published. " jUAUYJAnm jsm -"Atthts wiitcs as follows in the Melbourne, " Leader " : — " Typhoid has di-appeaicd, and small pox is stamped out. Now theie is an outbreak of .mother disease, 'Maryjaneism.' It is both spoiatlic and epidemic. Jenkinson had o»u of its victims She suddenly objected to the social status of her misti ess, and when J. lemon-jtrated she called him a turnip-head. He demanded her lcsignatiou. She said she would stay as long as she pleaded, and for three weeks' salary at hfteen shillings per week she refused to take a penny less than 'two pounds tin.' This calculation being naturally objected to, she smashed the dresser. Then the handy man was called in. She met him full tilt, and gave him the loveliest facer right between the eyes. Then she lay down in the passage, and yelled like a band of Apaches. So they sent for a policeman. An hour aftei wards he strolled m. She had disappeared. My fiiend 'Ovadraft' is a Bank accountant. He is proud of his position, and lias a manner which his friends call imposing. His wife had a half dozen of these domestic scourges one after the other, each worse than her predecessor. He thought she didn't go the proper way about it. She meekly suggested, ' Try it join self, my dear.' He did. He put on his best — the Board say you must reduce your accountmanner, and went to Mrs Crown's office. He was examined and cross-examined by one pel son until his calmness deseited him. ' Should be expected to clean the boots?' she asked. 'Certainly not,' says ' Ovadraft,' ' I clean the boots ; you hay c only to send down yours w ith the test in the morning.' Passing over the delicate irony of this lemark, she inquired bow many children theie were. 'Four," he replied. Tour !' she exclaimed in horrified surprise ; I could never do the work where there are four children.' • Nevermind, he shouted, now thoroughly roused, ' only say you'll come, and we'll kill off three of them !" Then he went home and fiercely asked his poor little partner why she thrust the household management on his already over-worked shoulders."

August Flower. The most miserable beings in the world are those suffeiing from Dyspepsia and Liver Complaint. More than Beventy-five per cent of the people are afflicted with these two diseases and their effects ; such as Sour Stomach, Sick Headache, Habitual Costiveness, Palpitation of the Heart, Heart- burn, Waterbrash, gnawing and burning pains at the pit of the Stomach, Yellow Skin, Coated Tongue and disagreeable taste in the mouth, coming up of food after eating, low spirits, &c. Go to your Druggist and get a bottle of August Flower. This valuable medicine has cured thousands and thousands of sufferers and is known in all civilised countries. Two doses will relieve you. It costs only 3a 6d a bottle. Sample bottles 6d.

An Isolated Case.— They wore talking about the cases of small-pox thataic alleged to prevail over in San Antonio. One of the gentlemen, who had just returned from San Antonio, remavked that there was not much danger, as the pitients had been 'solatcd. Mrs Worrel Athcrton, who thinks she knows everything, spoke up and said : "It don't make a'.iy difference how many tines you have been isolated, if it don't take." Texas Siftings. PohTic JnsTici!.- An old maid died in Norway, leaving a w ill m which she directed that her estate bo divided into six equal part-*, and distributed to her six discarded lovers, who are all poor In explanation of this bequest, the deceased left the following upon record : — " These lovers either courted me for my money, which they may now have, or else they loved me, and for that reason they shall have the money, because I disbelieved them." A Child's Prayer. — A Middletown lady, the mother of a bright little boy, was talking to him the other night, just as she was putting him to bed, about the efficacy of piayer, and told him if he would ask God for anything that he particulaily desired, she had no doubt his tcquest would be granted. The little fellow knelt at his mother's knee and prayed to God to send him fifty little sisters and one hundred little brothers The p»ayer was never finished, for the mother aghasfc at the pros pect of having the house turned into an orphan asylum, lifted the boy to his feet and tucked him into bed without a moment's unnecessary delay. A Cur vte'.s Ad vinturk. — A Correspondent informs us of a romantic incident which has leccntly occurred in a prcsperous London suburb. A devoted young iiisili Church curate, of interesting appearance and gieat popularity in his distiict, was waited upon by a young hidy of considerable attractions, but with an air of deep melancholy, and clad in a somewhat ascetic garb. After some confusion and the shedding of a tear, she lcvcaled to him that &he had ventured to visit him on a matter deeply affecting her happiness, she feared her. The curate naturally asked what it might be, but after several attempts to speak, choked by sobs, she informed him that the matter was one of such deep importance that she could no impart it except at her own abode, wheie she adjured him ns her spiiitnal fiiend, by all he held sacred, to 1 visit her. After some little conversation the re\eiend gentleman promised to do so, and the next day he called at the address given him. Then the young lady, with a looU of still deeper dejection and a voice indicative of remorse and shame, revciled to him the fatal secret. She had conceived a deep, a passionate lo\e for the curate himself. She knew ; she said, thathei pinion was hopeless j he in his devotion to the church, tor which she loved him all the more, had vowed himself to a life of celibacy, and bhe would resignedly cany her attachment to the grave, which fche fe.lt wa* not far off But there was one kindness which it was in his power to grant htr, the leniembiancc of which would In ing consol.i'ion to her daik and wcaiy path. Would he, be/oie they pai ted for ever, give her one kiss ? After borne timidity and agitation, the joung curate, touched with pity, complied. The lady shed another tear, bade him adieu in a hollow voice, and he depaited. A few days after he received ,\ neat little parcel gracefully tied with a piece of blue ribbon, and on opening it found an instantaneous photogiaph (cabinet size) of himself kissing the young lady. Accompanying this was communication fiom the fair creature himself that then were eleven moie copies, and that lie might have the whole dozen at £20 apiece. Should he not be in want of them, it was her intention to dispose of them, in another quaiter. Negotiations on the subject are said to be proceeding. — Times.

The Bad and Worthless are never im>tittL(l or couutet futcd. This is especially tine of a family medicine, and it is positive proof that the remedy i»utatnl is of the highest value. As soon as it had been tested and proved by the whole world that Hop Bitters was the puicst, best and most \aluable family medicine on earth, many imitations spuing up and began to steal the notices in which the prows and the people of the country had expressed the moiits of If. B , and in every way trying to induce sulFeiing invalids to use their stuff instead, expecting to make money on the credit and good name of H. B. Many others staited nostiums put up in similar style to H. B , with vaiious devised names in which the word " Hop " or " Hops " were used in a way to induce people to believe they weic the same as Hop Bitters. All such pretended remedies or cures, no matter what their style or na'inc is, and especially those with the word " Hop " or " Hops '' in their name or in any way connected with them or their name, are imitation's or counterfeits. Beware of them. Touch none of them. Use nothing but genuine A meiican Hop Bitters, with a bunch or cluster of green Hops on the white label, and Dr Souie's name blown in the glass. Trust nothing else. Druggists aud Chemists arc warned against dealing in imitations or oountcifeits.