Fun.

Waikato Times, Volume XXIII, Issue 1899, 6 September 1884, Page 2 (Supplement)

Fun.

A ciiEiwYMA^ was devoutly reading the Holy Scriptures to his congregation, when he came to certain words in the lower right-hand corner to which he desired to give great emphasis. So ho read with a loud voice, " I am " — turned over two leaves and continued — " an ass, the foal of an ass "—then, seeing his mistake, found the right place, and added — -" that I am." Which, of course, nobody would deny. An irritablo Lpndon author went the other day to " have it out " with his publishers, Messrs. Ohatto & Windus. He had never seen either of them in the flesh, having only communicated by letter with the firm, and, when he found himself in the presence of one of them, felt timid and confused, so he stammered with oblique indignation : " Sir, I don't know whether you are Mr. Chatto or Mr. Windus, and I don't want to be rude. But if you are Ohatto, d— n Windus ; and if you are Windus, d — n Chatto I " An eminent lawyer, having a preposterous case sent to him for an opinion, replied, in answer to the question, " would an action lie?"— " Yea, if the witness would Me, too* but not otherwise." " How doea it happen, Doctor," asked Lawyer Coke, " that so few of your patients recover?" "Probably," quickly replied Dr. Bolus, " for the same reason that so few of your clients recover." — Boston Transcript. A womjus always carries her puiseinher hand, so that other women will see it ; a man carries his in his inside pocket so that hia wife won't see it. — Dcuel County (Dak.) Advocate. Soliloquy, of a theif, professionally ocf* cupied *. "My pals have called me a bird. So I am, I'm a room." Eetired book agent-—" Why, how de do, Jinks ? How spruce you are looking. What business are you in now ? " " Same old business—selling books." " What I still a book agent ? " •• Yes." " And alive ? " " Itseema to be." " Well, I can't understand it. Since I got out of thehospital t have given up books." " I keep on and am making twenty thousand dollars a year." " How do you manage to esoape death?" "Easy enough. I first introduce myself as an agent of Mr. O'Donovan Bossa, and ask for a subscription to the dynamite fund." "People refuse, of course ?" " Certainly. Then I take out of my pocket a can of brick dust, labelled in big letters, ' Dynamite,' and begin to expatiate on its merits." " Yes." " They beg me to handle it carefully and put it away. Then I place it in my coat-tail pocket." " Oh, ho 1 " " After that I open my samples and talk book to them until they buy, and they don't dare kick me." Domiko parties are fashionable entertainments in New York, the women, but not the men, wearing masks. At one entertainment a young man was flirting desperately I with a domino, when, to his astonishment, the voice from behind the mask said : " Why, Bobby, where did you learn such frightful things ? " The domino proved to ba hia mother. " How do you like the squash pie, Alfred? " asked a young wife of her husband a few days after marriage. "Well, it is pretty good, but 11 "But what? I suppose you started to say that it ißn't aa that which your mother makes." "Well, yea, I did intend to say that, but" — - "Well, Alfred, your mother made that very pie and sent it to me." 379- . _j