fun.

Waikato Times, Volume XXIII, Issue 1887, 9 August 1884, Page 2 (Supplement)

fun.

" Wheee shall we find our teachers ? " asks an educational exchange. Well, many of our sweet girl teachers may be found sitting on sofas with nice young men, any time 'after 8 o'clock p. 31. Thh life of a Kentuckian has been shortened by tobacco. A hogahesd of the weed fell on him and crushed him out of symmetrical proportion. It cannot be denied that tobaoco in large quantities is injmious. A ccht-taiii flirtation irf the latest. A wrinkled coat-tail bearing dubt too-marka means : " I have spoken to'yoar father." " Ir there's anything I love, it's roast goose,'* remarked Fender3on, as he passed up his plate for a second helping." It does you credit," said Fogg ; " there's nothing co beautiful as affection amongst the members of a family. She went into a store to buy some toilet soap, and when the clerk was expatiating on its merits, about made up her mind to purchase ; but when he said " it would keep off chaps," she rernazked that she didn't wanfc that kind.

TSiere is no Pleasing some People. Dyspeptic : This hare hasn't been hung long enough, cook ; it's so tough I can't really get toy teeth through it. Cook : Well, sir, I was afraid of keeping it till it was 'igh, aa the doctor particularly recommended you fresh hair and hexercise.— An English joke. PabticuiiAb One : Hum — aw 1 Where's the liver with this ood stake ? Waiter {jocularly) : This cod don't seem* to 'aye 'ad any liver, sir ; leastways I 'aven'fc. seen one. PAETiouLiR One : Ham —aw ! Happy cod. " Thebb is a remarkable quantity of discomfort to ba found in one small tack, if it happens to be reposing business end up in the only chair you have to sit in."— Governor Stoneman. The editor of the St. Joseph Gazette had been married just one week. The subjects of hi 3 leading editorials in that time were; " The Necessity of Repose," " Woman's Influence," " Harmony," " la There a Hell ?" " Preparing for "Death," " Decay of Parties," and " The Census of the Future."

The mob was threatening and increasing, and the local militia was called out. At a crisis in the affair one of the citizen-soldiera levelled his musket at a prominent opponent, when the man next to him struck up the gun, exclaiming, " Don't shoot that man — his life's insured in our oflice I " — Boston Traveller.

A noME without a baby is a place whese the wife snores on the sofa every evening waiting the return of her husband from " important business." — N. Y. Morning Journal.

Thehe is something in a name, especially when a wife happens to find at the bottom o( a letter to her husband that of another woman. — Cliicago Sun.

The deep affection that lies hidden in the " dears " and " darlings " of women is something astounding. A Van Ness Avenue young lady went to pass the evening with herTbosom friend, a California-street young lady, the other night. The evening was rainy, and tho visitor had got her feet wet in walking. There were several young gentlemen friend 3 in the parlor as she entered, and said to her friend, "I'm afraid, dearest, I shall have to. ask you to lend me a pair of your slippers — that is, if you have another pair." " Certainly, love ; but do you think my slippers will fit you ? " (Sly look round at the men.). 11 Oh, I thini so, darling, if you put &ome false soles in them."

A Citizen writes to the dailies to complainabout; a bullet from a policeman's pistol, which came crashing through his window, while he and his wife were sitting close by. We have always advocated blank cartridges for police use. The thieves would be just as likely to be hit, and the public would be far more safe.

An editor up at Duluth Formed a habit of telling the truth 5 It took lots of nerve, Yet lie didn't swerve, But 'twas equal to pulling a tufch. — Newman Independent.

A Miss Hoe was recently married to a Mr, Shaw in Illinois. Hoe-Shnw. Oh, pshaw I The gain on a flock of sheep may Ec called a wether profit.— Lowell Courier. Good for 1 ewe. — Somerville Journal. We don't like those lamb-entable jokes rammed at us. The man that hath no music in hia sole does npt annoy the congregation when he comes in late.

LcMis Sit Close Together. Sweet Wm. and Mariro Sat by the globing firo, A-chewing, chewing gum ; Said Wm. to Marire "Let's hitch a little nire." She answered quickly •• Kuni," And he— and he — " Yum, yum 1 " —Chicago Sun.

A drinking man, upon readingjn a notel that the heroine's beautiful face " colored with pleasure," remarked : " Now I know what's the matter with my nose." — Cincinl nati Saturday Night.

Me Couldn't Stomach It. " It's a burning shame," said a St. Louis editor to his wife, " the way water is wasted in this city." "It is, indeed," she replied, absentmindedly. " A fine Bhould bs imposed upon everybody," continued the editor, " who allowa it to run to waste while the reservoir is so low. I can put up_ with most anything ; but the way the water privilege is abused in this city is something I can't stomach." " I beg your pardon, my dear," said his, wife, " but I didn't quite catch what you were^ saying; my thoughts were on somethingelse." b< "This water business! I ssy I can't J stomach it ! " " Can't stomach water I " replied the lady, still somewhat preoccupied, " why I know yoV can't, my dear."— Philadelphia Call. *

375.