Three Paralyzing Puns.

Waikato Times, Volume XXII, Issue 1851, 17 May 1884, Page 2 (Supplement)

Three Paralyzing Puns.

A dog's pants are said to be always warm. —Burlington Fi cc Press. The farmer's best friend —Eliza. Eliza who ? Fertilizer. —Pittsburgh Telegraph. Boston haa 106 millionaires. This doesn't include the airs put on by some of them.— Milton News.

" How long have you been married? " isked tho clerk at the hotel desk, as the elderly bridegroom registered. "Two weeks," replied the happy man. " Front ! " cried the clerk ; " show the gentleman t© parlor B # fifteen dollars a day, sir." "Third wife," calmly said the guest." " Oh, excuse me. Front ! show the gentleman to 824, book. Take the elevator ; four dollars a vreek, sir."

How harder than a well burned brick It is to have a woman kick. — William Sh n. .

An enterprising Frenchman has invented a baby which no ordinary traveller could distinguish from the usual infant. It cries at any moment desired without the aid of pins or colic, and is used by women desiring to have a railway carriage all to themselves.

The ebony tree grows to be fifteen feet in circumference. The outer wood is pore white, the heart only being perfectly blaok. The tree evidently got its pattern from watching the habits of certain members of the human race.

A young lady who thought her personal charms gave her the right to be disagreeable was present a few days since at a party, daring which quarrels between husband and wife were discussed. " I think," said an un- ' married elder son who was present, " that the proper thing is for the husband to have it out at once, and thus avoid quarrels, for the future. I would light a cigar* in the 'carriage after the wedding breakfast] and settle the smoking question forever. "I would knock the cigar out of your mouth,", interrupted the belle. "Do you know, I don't think youwould be there I " quietly remarked the elder r son. - . -'.?'-