A ROUGH LESSON. By R. P. WHITWORTH.

Waikato Times, Volume XXII, Issue 1851, 17 May 1884, Page 1 (Supplement)

A ROUGH LESSON. By R. P. WHITWORTH.

Jack Morgan wao, and is, a « commercial,'* that is to say, one of those enterprising gentlemen who compass the length and breadth of the land in search, not of adventure, but of good " lines " for the benefit of the house of Galimanco, Twill & Co., of Sugar, Softsoap & Co., or of one or other of the meichant princes of the great Babylon of the South. And Jack was too, as genial a fellow as ever bewitched an unwilling customer into giving a good order, or as ever half-chaffed, halfbounced, a recalcitrant debtor into " stumping up." He was well known all over the roads, and as well liked as ho was known, being especially a favorite with the landladies and other " womankind " of the various houses of call, east, west, north, and south. He could sing a good song, tell a good yarn, v/as always ready for a harmless lark, and was, in short, the life and soul of any commercial room wherever he might happen to be. Now Jack lived in East Melbourne, that i 3 to say his wife and two blooming youngsters did, for Jack spent most of his life travelling from one township to another, rarely sleeping in the same hotel two nights in succession. In good sooth Jack was a thorough bird of passage, and a "flyer" at that. Mrs. Morgan — pretty Mary Ellis that used to be— was a charming young woman of twenty- three— Jaok was a couple of years older. She was not very tall, not very stoud, not very learned, not very wise, but she was what every good man ought to have, a good and dutiful wife, who doted on her husband, a careful housekeeper, and an affectionate mother. She was a brunette, black of eyes and hair, a little — if one may be permitted to hint a fault — quick of temper, and, yes, the truth must be told, very jealous of her loving, legal lord and master. And Jack, easy going, light-hearted, thoughtless Jack had had, more than once, a mild dose of the infliction that Mrs. and Mr. Caudle have immortalised, when he had been more than necessarily effusive in his attentions to other ladies at parties or elsewhere Jack, although he said nothing, used occasionally, to feel a little sore at this, especially, as he would Bay to himself, as -he meant no harm, and she.knew it. Now it came to pata that Jack's avocations

ud led hi ii, one duy, tv iho im-av/ay fcow.i•ship on the Murray River, known indiffcrpntly a3 Ca3lle Donnington and Swan Hill ; and having transacted his business and doao the usual drinks with the local storekeepers, found himself with nothing to do, save ' knock the balls about a bit " for the afternoon. _ He soon got tired o£ this, and so iucontineui-ly strolled round the premises with the landlord ; and hence arose something which led to the complications related further on in this veritable history. He started early the next morning on his down jnurney, and by evening had reached Korang ; and it being too late for any business, and being incited thereto by the devil, as the law books say, he sat down under the influence of, as he fondly imagined, a brillimt idea, to write a letter to his wife. The letter was written and despatched ; and we, having the privilege of writer and readers of fhia story, will look over her shoulder as she reads it : — "My Dearest Mary, — I arrived here after a very pioisanl drive, one of the most pleasant, I may say, that I have experienced for a long tim-\ Thero are very few people staying at the hotel at Swan Hill— two or three men as dull as ditchwatcr, and not a woman to speak to ex«ept old Mother Pitcher, the landlady, and phc'^ as ugly as sin, and as cioss, on account of Ilia dull limes, as two sticks. I folo j eally miserable, and went into the bar to have a 'drink with old "Pitcher, when through the window, I saw coming up the house two, oh ! auch beauties. 1 Hallo 1 ' said I, ' what the deuce is this Pitcher?' 'Oh! them two,' he replied, ' nice looking ain't 'em. They've been stopping here for a couple of days. Two sisters, Kate and Eo3a.' 'Kate and Rosa?' stiid I, ' Yes,' said he, ' the oldest, the dark one is Kate, and the other, the light one, Rosa.' ' Pretty a3 a picture,' I replied, ' but they don'u belong to these pares, do they ? ' ' Not much,' said he, ' do you know Joivy Duff of Kerang ? Well they're his.' ' Jerry Duff of Kerang,' I replied in astonishment, ' why I never knew — ' ' Maybe not,' interrupted old Pitcher with a wink, ' but they're his for all that, oa the quiet, you understand? They've been brought up somewhere over iv New South \V\iles, and come over two days Biuce. T v. r as thinking about sending them down ia the coach tomonow, as Jerry wants 'em pi lioms. But,' he went on, • after what you've bcon telling me, it wouldn't be a bad idea ; you might, if you would, take 'em over to Korang with you. They're young and inexperienced, you see, and mightn't like the rough and tumble company they'd meet with in tha coach. What dye .say?' 'What did X say? Oh! what did I say? Didn't 1 jump at the chance that's all? Oh! Mary, if you'd only seen 'em. Two sisters, Kate and R^sa — bonnie Kate and pretty Rosa I called 'era, and they seemed to like it, and quite took a fancy to me. Well thoy were handsome, and no mistake. Kate was the dark one, ratner fat, not too fat you know, but ju^t — what's that French word — embonpoint; and Rosa, the light one, slight, acid slim, and elegant. Wasn't I the proudest man in Swan lb 11? wasn't I the most pnvied man in the township wh°n 1 &tarted next morning with the two sinters in my bu-jgy? Ah 1 ! 1 And then the drive along the de&eitcd road — nobody but ourselves, you know — and then tha going slow thiough the patches or Mallee scrub. Oh 1 ! ! At nvdt they weio a htile shy and timid, you know, natural enough, me being a stran[;er,but afcle>r a little while that woie off , and we soon got to understand each other. They began to .see that I meant nothing but kindness — who could have harmed fcu^h a pair of pretties ? — u,nd then they quite took to me, hung on to me as it were. And when I tickled 'em, tho oldest Bonnie Kate, she took it quite easy and natural, as much a? to say '• Ah I that's only your fun, and the other Pietty Ro?a, she — positively she turned her head and winked at me, and seemed to enjoy is more than ever. We pulled up at every house on the road for a drink, and I give you my honor, they never refused io once. And to see them dunk, and to see them eat at the half- way house, where I stopped for dinner — Lord ! it would have done your heait good to see them. But the drive, like everything pleasant, was soon over, by half too soon, and I landed them in due course at old Duff's house. I'm sure they were as sorry to part with me as I was with them, but I'll see 'em again betoie I leave Kerang, blest if I don't. Hang me if I don't think I'll step down to Duff's, as soon as I've posted this letter, and I will too. Hope Johnnie and Polly and youivclf are well, and remain, your affectionate husband, " John Morgan." "P.S.— Oh 1 Bonnio Kate and Pretty Eosa, they'll haunt me in my dream 3, I know they will, "J.M." ***** A week later than the data of thiri letter, which, it need hardly be said, created astonishment, indignation, lamenting, and woe in the house of Morgan, scapegrace Jack Mo:gan djove slowly down the Oastlsmaine-road into Elizabeth-street He was not quite 30 easy in his mind as he h^d been a week befoie, and felt somewhat unceitain as to hLi reception in East Melbourne. However, in order to put the best face on the matter he called on his brother-in-law, George Ellis, Mi's. Morgan's bi other, and induced him to come home and ha v e supper with him, " for," said hs, I'm under the impression that when we get homo, you'll see a bit of a lerk." Behold, then, the two, Jack Morgan and George Ellis, seated at the festal supper board, which wasn't by any means a festal supper board, for Mrs. Moigan, who had ieceived them with the air oi a Medusa, sat silent and stiff, as if she had been caived in stone. Jack and George had tried to get off some of their latest jokes on her, but in vain, they fell flat, and instead of the usual merry wagging of tongues, nothing went but the clock. " And now, Mr. Morgan," said Mrs. Morgan at length, with a*n ominous sniff, " perhapo you'll be good enough to explain the meaning of this — this— this— a— conduct ! " " Conduct, my dear I Certainly, what conduct ! " The fountain of her eloquence wa3 loosened. "He asks me what conduct?" she gasped, appealing to the gasalier, the pianoforte, and the furniture generally, " he, this man, asks me what conduct. Those two blessed innocents in their cots upstah'3, and he asks me what conduct 1 " But as none of the articles appealed to expressed the requisite amount of indignation necessary to make a striking situation, the point was somewhat lost. " I fail to understand," began Jack, meekly. " You fail to understand? (Oh ! the depth of bitterness there was conveyed in that personal pronoun.) You fail to understand? You! who have the effrontery, the base effrontery, to write to me, me, your lawful wedded wife, about your carryings on with your Bonnie Kates and your Pretty Eosas, and goodness knqws what all besides—" " Not so loud, my dear," said Jack, soothingly, " you'll wake the babies, and besides, there were only two." " Only two," she screamed. " Oh, heavens J listen to him, only two !>%! >% " Yes, only two, and think of the temptation, they were so very handsome, you know." Then ensued a dead silence. Jaok and George looked at each other in dismay— she glared. At length she got her second wind. " Go," she said, " and never pollute my house again with your presence. Oh ! I had- thought—

vit theio, thl-3 is too lmich, too - mack. Go g ) I to your trollops — " " Trollops, my dear ; that'sp hardly a 'fit term " " Yes, Lrollops ; your Kates and your Rosas, your baggages, your vile wretche3, your ; but no, I'll go, I'll take those precious lambs upstairs, and leave this roof I I'll go to my moth— oth — oth — 1 800 I hoo !" " But Mary " " Don't Mary me ! Go to your trollops, you, you, you wretch 1" " Well, if you wish it, and if you call them 30, of course," said JacLj meekly, rising. "Wha-a-atl" she choked. "Where are they?" " They ?" replied he, interrogatively. "Yes, they — your bonnio Kates and your protty Ilosas 1" "As I said before," said Jack, " there are but two, and they'ie here." "Here! Where?" " Why, here in Melbourne. I went again that night and settled the matter with old Duff, and brought 'em down with me." "To Melbourne 1" " Yes, to Melbourne. I couldn't well leave 'em on the road, could I ?" Again there was a brief silence, and then spoke Mrs. Morgan in the deep accents of despair. "And you've brought those abandoned women here !" " Women I" " Yes, sir, women 1 I suppose you want mo to call them ladies, to invite them to the house, to dinner perhaps ?" " Well, no, not exactly ; but " "Butl Is it possible that you, John Morgan, are so lost to all sense of decency — " " But will you hear me explain ?" "No, not a word!" and then with true (eminina inconsiotency, " What explanation can you offer ?" " Why my love " She waved away the appellation with scorn. " Confound it," he shouted, " who said a word about women ? " Who said a word about women," she replied, solemnly, producing the fatal letter; '• read that. l)o you deny your own handwriting ? " " Geitainly not," he said, handing it to hi 3 brother-in-law ; " heie, you read it, George." Not a sound, save the steady ticking of the clock while Gsor«e perused the letter with a darkening face. Having done so, he turned to Jack drily, and said, " You promised me a lark this evening, Mr. Jack Morgan ; but I fail to sco where it corae3 in. You have grossly insulted my sister, and you're a dcoundrel, sir, a " "Oh, very well," replied Jack, coolly; "if you're both mad, I'll leave and take 'em somevvherc else. I daie Siiy I can find accommodation." " What," screamed Mrs. Morgan, " are they here, on these premises? " " Why, of course ; where the deuce else should they be ? " " What, here ! in this house? " <% In this house ? No I In ths stable, of course." " fcJta-ata-stable," she gasped ; " what, the women ? " " Women ! No, but the pair of fillies I bought from old Jorry Duff, of Kerang, BonuiG Kate and Pretty Ko^a. Who the deuce evc-r said anything about any women? " There was utter silence. Mrs. Morgan' 3 jaw dropped, and she turned pale. George Bllij, as the ludicrousness of the situation broke on him, burst into an uncontrollable lit of laughter, while Jack grimly looked on, master of the position. "Ohl Jack, de>it' Jack" sobbed the poor woman piteously, "ho>v ashamed I am of myself ; but I thought, I really did think — can you ever forgive me ? " " Forgive you, darling ? Nay, can you ever forgive me for playing such a joke, for I admit it wa<3 a joke, and a cruel one; but— but, you know yoH arc sometimes a little bit jealous without cause, and " " Ttierc, Jack, my own Jack, don't say another word, and I'll never, never, be jealous again — never, never 1 " " Kiss and make it up," said Jack cheerily, suiting the action to the word, " and we'll all go down to Mordialloe, and you shall see how tlie sisters behave 1 the handsome sisters, Bonnie Kate aud Pretty Eosa." And Mary was as good as her word ; for if ever she batrayed the slightest symptom o£ impatience at what she called Jack's nonsense with any of her lady friends, he had only to wnisper drily in her ear, " Shall we take a drive, my dear," to bring the sweet smile to her lip 3, and the rosea to her cheeks again.

Writing on Hlotals. To white on metals take half a pound of nitric acid and one ounce muriatic acid. Mix and shake well together, and then it ia ready for use. Cover the ptete you wish to mark with melted beeswax ; when cold write your inscription plainly in the wax clear to the metal with a sharp instrument. Then apply the mixed acids with a feather, carefully filling each letter. Let it remain from one to ten hour-j, according to the appearance desired, throw on water, which stop 3 the process, and remove the wax.

Glass Stoppers. When the fixed stopper ol a glass bottle resists all management— such as warming the neck with a cloth wet with warm water, by tapping, and by the wrench, or by all these in combination, there is another means which will almost always succeed. Let the bottle be inverted so as to stanJ on the stopper in a vessel of water so filled that the water reaches up to the shoulder of the bottle ; but not to the label. Two or three nights of this treatment may be required before the stopper wiit yield.

A Monster Chain. A chain now being made at the Chain Works, Troy, New York, Lto be six miles long. It is being made of two-inch iron rod, and ie* intended for some Government project not stated.

A Paper Ship. A vessel constructed of paper was .recently launched at St. Petersburg. She is driven by Bteam, and is 25 feet long by 5 fest wide amidships. Her draught is remarkably small, owing to the buoyanc character of her hull, and she is particularly well adapted for shallow waters. The United States Government have also ordered several torpedo launches with paper hulls.

Mmro^'b vocabulary comprised about eight thousand words and Shakespeare's about fifteen thousand. Some diligent student of Oarlyle has found that in " Sartor Resartus " aloiij that author used not less than seven thousand live hundred distinct words. As " Sartor " was the carlieafc of Carlyle'a books to be published in volume form, thie showing is surprisingly large. It would be interesting to know the result of an equally diligent examination of his complete works.

Mb. Buskin's tartness is always ooming up in unexpected places. In a note at the encft|||i| of a oritieal study of him, by one of his. &d|||§HJ mirers, he has written:— "l would like td^n acid; that while I admit that there is such »S!BI thing, as mercantile economy, distinguished^B|i| sooial, : I have always Baid,/also,v|hl|^^H neither Mill, Fawcefct, nor Bastitt n^?o^^^^| contemptible soience they professed ~ toygi^^^H