A La Police Court.

Waikato Times, Volume XXII, Issue 1842, 26 April 1884, Page 6 (Supplement)

A La Police Court.

La.wvj;u : You pciy you know Mr. Smith ? Witness. Yvis, sir. L'nvyer: You at \^u \now him? Witness : Ye-, sir. Lawyer: You mean that you are acquainted with him ? Witness: Yes, sir, acquainted with him. Lawyer: Oh, you don't know him; you are merely acquainted with him. Remember that you are on oath, sir. Now, be careful. You don't mean to tell the Court that you know all about Mr. Smith, everything he ever did? Witness: No, I suppose . Lawyer: Never mind what you suppose. Please answer my question. Do you, or do you not, know everything that Mr. Smith ever did? Witness : No, I . Lawyer : That'll do, sir. No, you do not. Very good. So you are not acquainted with all his acts ? Witness: Of course . Lawyer: Stop there. Are you, oi are you not? Witness: No. Lawyer: That is to say, you are not so well acquainted with him as you thought you were ? Witness: Possibly not. Lawyer: Just bo. Now we begin to understand each other. If you don't know anything about Mr. Smith's acts when you are not with him, you can't swear that you know him, can you ? Witness : If you put it that way , Lawyer: Come, sir ; don't seek to evade my question. I'll put it to you again. When you say you know Mr. Smith, you don't mean to say you know everything he does ? Witness: No, sir; of course not. Lawyer : Just so; of course not. Then you were not quite correct when you said you knew Mr. Smith ? Witness : No, sir. Lawyer: In point of fact, you don't know Mr. Smith ? Witness: No, sir. Lawyer: Ah, I thought so. That'll do, sir. You can stand down.—Boston Transcript.

"What kind of a man is he?" asked a gentleman about a young society man. " Oh, he's mighty popular with the women." " Is he intelligent ?" " No, not particularly. You see there's not much demand for intelligence in society." " Does he dance ?" " Of course." "Knows what's going on in theatricals, music, etc. ?" " Of course." " Au fait in everything I presume ?" " Well, I don't know whether he owes Fay or not, but I know he owes about every man of my acquaintance. Who is Fay? 11l look him up and see if he doesn't ow9 him too. I'll bet he does."—Merchant Traveller.

When Jenkins left the house that afternoon ' Jenkins was mad.~ ~ ~ T"-' It happened in this way; Jenkins was well off in a small sort of way, and had a fondness for old Brown's daughter. He had taken her to church that morning, and in an evil moment accepted an invitation to stop to dinner. It was at the table that the trouble occurred. Miss Brown had a young brother who, during the course of the meal, watched Jenkins's movements with a good deal of interest and curiosity. At last ho exclaimed: "Huhl I don't see nothin' funny about Mr. Jenkins's drinking." " Certainly not," said the old lady. " What put that idea into your head?" " Why," said the smart lad, " I heard father say that he drinks like a fish —." Father had him with both hands by this time, but it vras too late, and, as we have already said, when Jenkins left the house that afternoon, Jenkins was mad. —Ex.