Fun.

Waikato Times, Volume XXII, Issue 1839, 19 April 1884, Page 6 (Supplement)

Fun.

A theatrical manager who had a limited purse, and consequently a limited company* occasionally compelled some of the actors to "double up"—that is, take two or more parts in the same piece. " Lancaster," he said, one morning, addressing a very serviceable utility man, " you will have to take three parts in ' The Silent Foe' to-night— Henderson, Undo Bill, and the Crusher." " Can't do it," replied Lancaster; " and I hope to be sandpapered if I try." "You can't do it? You won't do it? Why?" <(Because it is impossible," returned the indignant actor; "no human being could play those three ' parts at tho same time. In the first scene of the third act two of them have to fight, and the third fellow rushes in and separates them." 1 1 ' i i : ' I I

Tni3 New York Christian Witness publishedC the Ten Commandments some weeks ago, and! now a Texas newspaper has reprinted them, under the title of " Pearls of Thought," andt credited to the Witness.

A boy near Poughkeepsie took some paint and dye, and fixed up a dog to resemble an escaped menagerie leopard. And of course the dog felt bad, and hunted up his master and went to snuffing at his heels; and the master went up a tree so quick that it abao« lutely asteunded the dog, who sat down tq wait for the old man to descend. It was a cold day, the wind blew and the bare brar' nes rattled^ and the man shivered and sv ore jOJ,j 0J, half an hour, till finally the do? ' Dar ]j e( j, Boston Post. J

Motes !» he called out" hia q who gftt r E e u a r d opeS?" 6 PfiPer ' jas a war COmiQ 8 in " No, fadaex-; u' jt yhag all settled „ coming?" "No, facUk'^M & „,','-^y^a read of a sheep epidemic dot " Vhaa der cotton crop all busted ? " " No, it vhas fine." " Vhas der some more earthquakes, floods or cyclones ? " "Not one." " Vhell, Moses, it wa3 all right just der same. We begin to morrow to mark up all goods twenty per shent on account of der shmall-pox, which may kill off all der beoples next winter 1"

Sandt wa& a country gardener, and, like many other country lads, he had a sweethearfe. One night he said to her: "I like ye awfu' weel." " Ditto," said she. Sandy was not very sure what that meant, but he thought he would ask his father ; so 1 the next day, while at work, he said : 11 Father, can yau till me what • ditto' is ?" " Ou, ay, Sandy, replied his father. " Dae you see that cabbage ? " " Yes." "An' dae ye see that ifcher ane that's fist the same?" J 11 Yes." 11 Weel, that's ditto."* yGracious goodness!" exclaimed 'SandYr 11 did she ca' me a cabbage head ? "

" Hollo, Jones, I'm glad to se,e yau." ; Jones, pretending not to recognise Smith for fear he'd tap him for a loan i "My dear sir, yon hav&fte afrantage of "Yes, 'most any one has whO< possesses ordinary intelligence."

Small boy, giggling loud with glee, Climbs the fruitful apple tree; Village doctor passing by, Looks on with complacent eye ; Farmer, watching in the lane,. Holding bulldog by a chain. Two days later, wan and pale., Johnny sniffs the summer gale-; Passes by the apple tree, Gazing on it wistfully; Feels himself the belt betow r Sadly murmurs : " Not&r 3<seJ'

He was telling the siary in the failliastt--room of a Denver hot»h Said he : "There were thrse of us, you see, and] Nevada, was a cold, climate for us. We were? dead broke, half stai-ved'and 1 clean discouraged, "when along came a,New Yorker. He woulSia'i play cards, wouldn't be robbed, andi we couldn't stick him with forged land patents or bogus pre-emptions. One day we trailed ut and dug a hole into a hill and salted it a bit, and rushed back and offered the New Yorker the discovery for 3,000 dollars, oasb down." " And he bit ? " " Took right hold like a pair of pincers. Why, he never even stopped to beat us down. We got a cool thousand apiece and made for 'Frisco." " Purty cool, that was." "Well, I dunno. If there was anything cool m that transaction it was the way that New Yorker hunted up a pard, set miners to work, bought machinery, and took over 70,000 dollars out of that 7ar hole inside of eight months 1 Maybe we've got ever feeling flat, but I guess not."—Wall-street Nexos.

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