A STATUE TO ADAM.

Waikato Times, Volume XXII, Issue 1838, 17 April 1884, Page 4

A STATUE TO ADAM.

The following letter, deprecating the erection of a Statue to Libt'ity, and suggesting that it would be more appropriate to rear a monument to the memory of Adam, appears in the American papers, from the pen of Mark Twain: "You know my weakness for Adam, and you know how I have struggled to set him a monument and failed. Now, it seems to me here is my chance. What do we care for a statute of Liberty when we get the thing itself in its widest sublimity? What you want of a monument is to keep you in mind of something you haven't got,— something you've lost Very w ell, we havent't lost Libeity ; we have lost Adam. Another thing : What has liberty done for us ? Nothing in particular that I know of. What have we done for her? Everything. We've given her a home and a good home too ; and if she knows anything she knows that it's the first time she ever struck that novelty. She knows that when we took her in she had been a mere tramp foi 6,000 years, Biblical measure. Yes ; and we not only mended her tioubles, and made things soft for her permanently, but we made her respectable, and that he hadn't even been before. And now, .ifter we have poured out this Alantic of benefits upon this aped outcast, lo and behold ! we are asked to come forward and set up a monument to her. Go to ! let her set up a monument to us if she wants to do the square thing-. But, suppose your statue represented her old, bent, downcast, shamefaced, with the insults of 6,000 years, imploung a crust and an hour's lest for God's sake, at out back door ! Come, now, you're shouting ! That's the aspect of her winch we need to be reminded of lest we foiget it ; not this proposed one, where she is heai ty and well fed, and holds up her hand and flourishes her hospitable schooner of flame, and appeals to be inviting all the rest of the tramps to come over. Oh, go to ! This is very insolence of prosperity. But, on the other hand, look at Adam. What have we done for Adam. Nothing. What has Adam done for us. Eveiything. He gave us life, he yave us death, he cave us he wen, he gave us hell. These are the inestimable privileges, and, remember, not one of these should we have had without Adam. Well, then he ought to have a monu ment, for evolution is steadily and surely abolishing him. And be quick about it, or our children's children will grow up in ignorance that ever there was an Adam. With trifling alterations, the statue will answer very well for Adam. You can turn that blanket into an ulster without any trouble, part the hair on one side 01 conceal the sex of his head with a fiie helmet, and at once lie's man. Put a hni p and a halo and an olive branch m the left hand, to symbolise a pait of what Adam did for vx->, and lea\ c the fiie basket just where it is to symbolic the icsult. My friend, the father ot life and death and taxes has been neglected long enough. Shall this infamy lie allowed to go on", or shall it stop right heie. It is a question of finance? Behold the enclosed (paid bank) cheques. Uso^ them as freely as they are ficcly distributed. Heaven knows I would theie weie a ton of them ; I would send them all to you, for my heart is in the sublime woik. Thk average yield of wheat in South Australia this harvest will be about o\d bushels an acie. It was expected that the average yield would be 12 bushels ; but just when the faimcis where busy harvesting, a series of violent stoinis of wind and rain swept over the countiy, and so damaged the ciops as to leduce the yield something like two or thioe bushels per acie. The harsest yields have been obtained in Wandear.ih, w Inch has an average of 1"> bushels, and m Belalie, Crystal Biook, and Tickeia, which shows an avei age of 14 bushels to the acre. The Jowest yield is m the hundred of Kanyaka, which lias only given V, bushels per acre. Mongalata, Tomkinson, and Roes, in the country of Burra, atencaily as bad with an aveiage of three bushels. A tlw years ago (says an exchange) while a well was being cleaned a halfpound of butter \rat found in the bottom as good and sweet as when iiist made. How long it had been thcie no one knew. The present occupant of the premises has been fifteen ycais on the place, and the pump being m constant use there had been no occasion bufoic to have it cleaned. The butter must have been there all the tune, and how long before is not known. The outside was of a paler colour than that within, but otherwise theie was no change. It is not unknown to good daily folkc that butter will keep well in cool, pine spnng water, and some ha\ c taken ads an cage of the fact to prcsene buttei in close \easels undei the surface. But we think it is not genui.illy known that it would keep so Ions; and in actual contact with the water. It might be of great \alue whethei this hint about piesering butter might not be taken advantage of «o as to initiate a regular plan of piesemng buttei sweet and fresh until m.nkets or other chcumstances favoui good prices. It is one of the weaknesses of the butter business that at some season puces aic ruinously low, and the usual remedy of potting is not a very good cine. The watercourse must be cool and pure. At a high temperature, such as most water near the sin face reaches, vegetable oiganisms grow that would soon communicate decay to any organic matter in the water; but there arc many places wheic <i lagoon ot the proper condition of pure well water could icadily be eon&tiucted. It may not be out of place heio to lemaik th.it little hints such as these are continually occurring in almost esoiy one's experience, but only soon to be foi gotten. Yet often, if the .suggestion be listened to and the tlucul followed up, one might get on the track of some good idea that would rapidly make a foitune. We think that new inventions require much study ; but the truth is most of our best discoveries have been by accident. Pkhhai\s the most complete form ot slaveiy to be seen in New Yoik is slavery to one's danghteis. All liteiature has paid homage to women, but in our nge practical life does it. The New Yoik wealthy man has a daughter or two. He pays but little attention to them while they are children, but it suddenly occurs to him that they are glowing beautiful. His wife is sine of this fact and she begins to dress the gills while they aic still children in all the cleg? ice of princesses. They aie sent to dancing schools, to riding schools, to the finest seminal y, and put in the opeia box, allowed to know as liat is going on at all the theaties and cauied to the watering places, and before they Know any tiling of their own countiy they aie sent to Em ope, where, as my friend, the Consrl, who has just anived, says he has .seen gills not 17 yeaisof age pro's ided with waidiobes ot 15 to 30 silk dresses, with hose and \ai legated silk, diamonds in their ears, and everything that life ought to yield tow aid its termination they are satisfied w ith upon the very tlneshold. With fine food and wine, their complexion becomes elegant. They are seldom away fiom the dentist's a week having their teeth fixed. The most cosmopolitan society is intioduced to them and they look down with indifference upon the bo}'s of their own age, or if they marry by an act of nature, soon upbraid their husbands for not keeping up the luxury their paients spoiled them with. A noiseless piano has been invented, and a monument is already talked of for the inventor. It is the sausage manufacturer who makes both ends meet. A lazy policeman, like a good piece of cloth, is known by his nap. One Shilling.— Francis ,T. Shortts' Popular Art Union.—Ten first-class Oil Paintings by celebrated artist*. 5000 tickets at I*. The prices are magnificent and costly. Country subscribers sending stamps or otherwise will have tickets by return post. Enclose stamped envelope for reply.— Fkancu J. Shoutt, 140, <^eej»-street, Aucklaiid..-*-[ADYi.]