MARS AS A JOURNALIST. By Captain H. M. Humphreys, LATE CAPE MOUNTED RIFLEMAN.

Waikato Times, Volume XXII, Issue 1830, 29 March 1884, Page 1 (Supplement)

MARS AS A JOURNALIST. By Captain H. M. Humphreys, LATE CAPE MOUNTED RIFLEMAN.

I have befoie mo a newspaper which is quite a curiosity in its way ; one that I am sure nine hunched out of a thousand roading men have never seen the like of. It is a military newspaper, written, edited, printed, and published in a barrack yard. This journal is entitled " The XXX," a title which at fiibt gland; is highly suggestive of beer — but, then, wo all know beer and the soldiery are closely associated. "The XXX" is a si\-page sheet, containing two broad columns of " long primer" type, and it is pioduced at the head quarters of Hor Biitannic Majesty's 30th Regiment of Foot, once a month. The paper lam looking at now is No. 9, vol. 3, and the printer is one Dilbag Roy, of the Albert Press, Anarkalli, Lahore, Punjab. This hteiary production has its special charms and peculiarities, otherwise I should not trouble myself to write about it, for my object in writing is to point out to such meinbeis of the militaiy and naval forces of Australia as may lead this paper, the distincc fact, that a uniform does not make a soldier, or a sjtilor, but that esp it de corps does ! The thiee X.'s served in Egypt long ago, in AbercromMo's timo ; and helped to kick Napoleon the Great from under the shadow of those pyramids, from the summits of which he boasted — forty centuries regarded him. "Dv haut de ceb Py > amides, quai ante cieclcs vous regai de." Bosh ! He got a jolly good licking notwithstanding his " hifalutin." On the strength of having helped to clear Le Petit Caporal »nd his hordes from undei tho shadow of the boasted pyramids, tho members of the XXX. Regiment wear a "Sj>ink" on their colors, on their helmets, on their mess-plate — and, indeed, upon nearly everything upon which a " Spink " can be engiaved, or printed. The intelligent reader will understand that " Spmk " is the soldier's way of spelling Sphinx, that ridiculous Egyptian animal of whoso past owneiship so many gallant fellows am unb.mndeuly proud. Moie power to 'cm I The funniest thing about the XXX is, that despite its beery, pottle-pot title, it commences with a leading article, headed, " Smoking and Drinking," au editorial effusion which philosophically winds up thus : " If we exceed, our sins are sure to find us out very soon, too soon in fact ; but if we do not, we are in the position of the man in the book who wound up his views as follows : — ' Cats sometimes have their goose Cooked by tobacco juice, Still why deny its use [ Thoughtfully taken.' " Of course in a military journal, sport Ls not likely to be forgotten, and that the sporting reporter of the XXX has a decided and" vigorous style of his own will ba seen in tho extract below, culled from an articlo headed " Three Days' Pig-sticking." It will be observed that the pig was a superior " Eob Roy M'Gregor O1 " style of animal. "At last he lay up where they, could not ride him and would not move, so A. directed a man .to light the grass where ho thought he lay. The moment the grass got lighted, out he came with a terrible grant, bang

im niig'i the lii.', and cut the coolie i kun over, and •^."i"K him a cut on the leg at which he ho \ led hv liliues. A, made a dive at pigg^, hut lie was oti" again. Thoy then decided to go on foot and Inn It him, but could not imJ him, and, ao it got dtiik, gave it up and wont home. A. heard, four tl.i^s afteiwsiids, that this pig did not dm, hut ripped two moie men who ventured neai lain." This is tho mildest paragraph in the pig-stiek-■ag report, for the miter gojs on to relate how | snbsequontly he assisted at the hunting of a sow, for which deed he apologises by saying, "It sounds unsportsmanlike killing sows." Tho particular sow in question, however, does not demand o a i- sympathy, for fa Lo know ho,v to take care of he. 1 self, and of her it is related that " thf> niomcnL sho felt tha spoar, slie came round at the pony, and cut him clean off his leg 3 1 " Jolly fun for tho military fellows, but rather rough on tho pony and the sow.f The notewoi thy chai actenstic of this regimental "rag" is the noblo, manly fusion of feeling that seems to pervade it, the glorious esprit de corps that sticks out every wheie, regardless of rank or title. It breathes a delightful Camaiadaie, a good fellowship refreshing b°yond all expression." The lads who have had the manliness to enrol themselves as units in oui Volunteer Army foi the defence of Hearth and Home, may read tho following extiacfc from XXX to advantage, for it will leahso to them ths beautiful unity of a thoroughly disciplined ngiment. For instance in a column, under the heading " Our Note Book," come paragraphs like the following :—: — "Majur-Genoial Mark Walker, Y.C., has been awarded a good service pension of £100 per annum, and has obtained command of a Brigade at Aldeishot." Now this &hoy.-3 that tho 30th Regiment is proud of Mijor-Geneial Walker ; looks upon him as a pi oper sort of fellow for having won the soldier's "blae ribbon" — the Victoria Cioss — and lejoiccs in his good fortune. Soldiers are as affectionate as dogs, if you will only heat them piopcrly. Tho ne\fc item m " Our Note Book " column touches the tcndeier feelings, and shows how like to a well managed family a good leginient is. It roads as follows :—: — " All will jbe glad to hear that Miss is recovering from her severe illness, and L now approaching convalescence. She will move to tho hills in tho course of a few daj s, where we hopo tho hill air will soon give her back her oiiginal health." Dear reader, you may b?t your last threepennypiece that the young lady leieired to was a soldier's daughter, and was beloved by those who knew her. Theie me sonio women in the Army for w honi soldiers would lio down, and gratefully bo made dooi-niats of. Florence Nightingale was one of them. We next come acios? the news telling how Captain Soandso Thmgumy, of the Royal Engineers, has been attached to the 30th llegiment of "fut," to be " coached " for promotion, which is information lefte&hing, good, and novel, inasmuch as it shows that meinbeis of tho " Scientific Corps " have now-a-days to learn how to " wheel about, and linn about, and jump Jim Crow" liko ordinary " swaddies." Tho following exhact speaks for itself, and 1 am willing to wagei all my worldly goods that the widow and her children wero not long left in doslituto circumstances. I fancy a day's pay throughout tho Battalion, from the colonel down to the smallest drummerboy, was about the sum raised, and I am certain tho officers' \sives wero not foigotful. Hoie is the pawiyaph :—: — " Wo regret to announce the doath of tho late Colour- Sergeant of 'D ' Company. His wife and ehildien aie left in destitute cncum&tances, and thoie must be many still in the lcgimont who would be glad to contubute towaids their maintenance. Any cont) lbutions vail be lcceived by tho Adjutant." Tho XXX, like moie pietentious newspapers, mixes its joculaiity and gravity somewhat. For instance, it details tho stiength of the regiment on a paiticalar date, and then launches the following poser, which tho leader must tackle single-handed, because I can't help him The words, " The dear old tin cc tent," speak volumes, for thoy show how a soldier and his regiment are one and indivisible. "Tho following liddle has very kmdly been sent U 5 by a lady, tho widow of &a officer of tho regiment who was present at Wateiloo, who, to use her own woids, " always keeps a \eiy wai ia place in her heart for the deal old " Tlneo Tcn3 " :: — ■ " Why is the late Egjptinn campaign like a game at whist ?" Can any " divondish " answer this ? Pcihaps the " Spmk " can answer this." As a specimen of Hindoo-English tho following is simply delicious, and the editor of our military journal 'chtickles over it. Ho s.iys : — Tins most amusing letter has been sent us for publication, and it certainly is well worth preserving : " To Liet Col. C. J. Mooisoni, Commanding 30th Regiment, Mpeanmeer. Most lespected Sir — I most lesppctfully and humbly have to represent my humble case of anxiety to learn your honor's well and satety, since your honor's departure from Ranikbet I have an ardent desire to kiss your honor's feet ; but being in Government service on small facale 1 am withheld to have had the honor of obtaining tho hilianty and cheeifulness to gain respects and legaids the weather at Ranikhet is most pleasant and cogimal to public health, hoping youv honor must bo enjoying sound good health, etc , etc., etc." The "hilaiity and cheerfulness " cau&ed by that epistle must have been worth at least a day's pay to Colonel Mooisom. " The army swore terribly in Flanders," sovl Uncle Toby, and we know it used to drink moie than was good for it, but a change seems to have come o'er tho spirit of its dream. For instance the XXX contains an article on teetotahsm, and lecorda the doings of the Regimental Total Abstinence Society, of which a lance-seijeant is piesident, and a lieutenant honorary president. This seems funny, but there is something healthy and good about it, for it shows how close and heaitfolt is the relationship that afc present exists between officeis and their men. This soldieily little sheet possesses featmesthat invest it with the impoitance of a really valuable document. For example, under the heading " Soldiers Balances Unclaimed," a list is given of unclaimed sums of pay, due to next of km of deceased soldiers Lite of the 30th and 59th legiments, now affiliated under th& new "territorial system "as one corps. In this list thero figures a puvato soldier who must have been quite too good, too virtuous, and eversomueh too economic, for he died, and left £21 9s. 3.1. behind him. Fancy such carelessness — and a soldic too 1 The XXX has also a " Peisonal Directoiy of Officers," giving the addresses of all on service, and on leavo, showing how long the service, or leave, is to last, and indicating the stations of all regunents, British and native, in the Punjab. It is not often one hears of a Major-Geneial and C.B. taking the part of choristei boy in chinch, but the paragraph quoted beneath proves that such a thing can be done : " We forgot to mention last month tho excellent singing of the choir on Easter Sunday, composed of Major- General, C.8., Mrs. Major, and most^ of the bandsmen of the legiment. The performance reflected gieat civdit on the conductor, «Jsandmastcr J. Munday, and tho members of the choir. A solo by tho General was much admired." During a fair term of experience, I never came across a musical and devout soldier who could not " swear" a church d \ * .\hen tickled on the wrong spot. I should like to know more about the Choiister-Major-General, and hear him Bing a solo in the Oiderly Room. I doubt if it would be "much admired?" . Now to wind up. This paper has been written with a puiposo, and I trust an honest one. It has been written to point out the beautiful feeling of manliness and comiadeship there is existent in the Queen s standing army, and to draw attention to tho terrible want of esprit de coips, and disregard for proprieties, that any old soldier is forced to perceive in ths Victorian Volunteer Force. I am sorry to say that I have seen Victorian volunteer soldiers do things that would give the " regulation," Thomas Atkyns, who values his life at a shilling a day — fits ! ! ! I have seen scores of our citizen soldiers slouching through the streets of Melbourne, with tunics unbuttoned, and smoking pipes. I have, after Easter encampments, seen men who had played being dragoons, spurleas, strapless, unkempt, unbrushed, and unrepresentative of anything higher — fiom a military point of view — than the red-coated monkey who does duty on the Italian organ-grinder's instrument of torture. I have seen Victorian volunteers parade the streets in regimental coats, and plain-clothes trousers, and, wonderful to relate, they did not appear to be ashamed of themselves. Would it not be well for the members of the Victorian defence forces, naval and military, to start a newspaper on the lines of the- XXX, a Conunubd on Back Page*

journal lcpiesenting the views, opinion*, and spirit of om volunteer soldiers, and snilois? Would not a manly, generous intoi change of idrn« batween oiliceis ami men be advantageous to both? Without a keen sense of a-ju it de coips and the strictest exercise of discipline, no militaiy organisation can bo of any valuo at all ; and now that we me about to raiso a local army of "Regulars," in the shape of militia, it would not, I think, be out of place, if our defenders had a journal of fieir own, conducted on the same principles of niateiial etiquette, that would be demanded in the regular army. To me there nppears no reason why an Anstiahan lighting foice should not be— though *mnll — equal to anything in the woill ; for to quote the woids of the "Jingo " song, " We ha>o the men, we have the ships, "Wo have the moncj too ! ! "