GLEANINGS.

Waikato Times, Volume XXII, Issue 1798, 15 January 1884, Page 4

GLEANINGS.

If you think nobody caros for you in this cold woild, just try to learn to play the tromboneinapopnlousnei«hbourhood "Send anything to this office in payment for subscriptions, potatoes, cordwood, string beans, rags, old iron, anything, only send it," wails an impecunious couutiy editor, and then add i, "not necessinly for publication, but as a gu.it antee of good faith." Ml.srfUN'3 all the world over will doubting be glad to leant that a neat .md easily ■■worked app.uatus has at length been invented for tin ning the leaves of pieces of music. Woiked by ,1 tivadlc, the new app iratus is attached to the music stand : a single movement of the fcot enables the petfounar to inrii fie leaf without noiso or app.ucnt movement, The leaf is gently picked up, turned over, ami laid flit on the back page. Tin* whole thing is so simple that the only wonder is that it was not discovered long ago. 7 lie inventor is an American mechanic, named Ounilc Erghanien. He is patenting hi-< invention all over Europe. A vluy bashful joung man has got himself ni a most lowly scrape by his timidity. He wanted to ofl'er his hand and ltis heaid to tho prettiest girl on Southhill, but every effort he made in this direction paralysed him. Happy thought — the telephone? So he pioposed by telephone, but somehow or other the cential office ga\e him the wrorg connection, and he was piomptlj accepted by an old maid on another lull, who wears a wig and lias a wait on her nose And to add to the complication, the largo brother of the pntty girl is looking for him with a club and an awful mouthful of language. And the eldeily female who accepted won't hear of putting oIT the wedding longei than ne\t week, .md he ofteied her a couple of pounds and a loot wanner to let him off, she got him down behind the sofa and stood upon him while she set earned for "Ma !" K!i ? Oh, yes, he thinks the telephone is a great invention. A soldi) u who was b\ ti.ide >i stonemason belonging to one of the Bombay Earopea'i icgiments, ofFetul, if the adpitaut would piocuie a suit\l)le to cut out a sun dial and ettct it before tlie quarter guaid. Th" ston^ v\a- found and placed iv position. Tt wai an atti->tie piece of woilc. and much admit cd by all in thecotps, mote esppriallv b\ the set jeant-ntajoi, who was Immul to siy "that it kept bettoi time thin the station l'hii." A few dajs aftei its eieitio" Su]eantmajer l'eaice asked the adpit int to M_ f n a supplemental v leq'ii-aMoii to the com missaiiat foi the dul\ supply of 4 ounces of oil, ni addition to that alterly -alpplied lor the US'' of the (jiuit i-gnati -gnat d Litutemnt linnmond mqiiiied why the extia oil was rcq nicd, and wa-> lnfoimed that , it thesLiiti) had not a liglit, he would not be ,ibl" to '-.■c m hat time it was dmi hi; th.* mglit b\ tho sun did. T:u; ninume.l tble ica h" -i of Miei'ilay must HMue.nb- 1 the stoi yof the cnminal ■nbo hail the i hoic* of th.> y.ilWjs oi t\ie readme of (luieuar Inn, nd natmallv chose the Litter . But the wat of I'im was too inueh foi Inm, .fid he a-ked to cluvnge — !\iilo\enu-, of (\ thei.i was sent to the qii.iwicij by 1 khsj -iu«-, lietau^e he did not like the m >n iic'i's po tt y. Jle, was, howevei, i(-c\'!ei, .md li.ul some moie lcid to him, wheieunon lie got up to go. " Wheieaif jou oil to ? ' as'vcd Dionysius "To the quaint., was tlie leply. — This was al~o paralleled by the late Eail of Doihv, w ho iteeived a sample of slienv, which the wme mcitJiuit iceommmided a 3 not lriving gout in a hogshead. The end lepiied, " Sn, I have tasted youi shei t \ r , and 1 ryefei tlie gout" — A jiiiasitc m .dv his. ippeaiance at a wedding-feast, and was told he must go away, as theic \va> no loom. " Count again," said he, " and be^iu with me" Fair Piioi ir Exnvruj — \ few weeks since a laihoad collision on one of the roads leading out of New Yoi k killed, among otheis, a pas-enger living in an in tenor town. His lemains wete sent home in good shape, and a, few dajs aftei the funeral the attorney of the load called upon the widow to c fleet a settlement. Sh" placed lier ngiiies at twent}' thousand doll.us "Oh ' the sum is unreasonable," replied the attoine\ '■ Your husbind was lK.nly .30 veaisold." " Vcs, sir.'" "And lame?'. ••Yes," " and his general hea'tlt was poor ? ' " Qu.tc poor.' " And he probably would not have lived tiver five yeais "'" " I'iobablj not, sir." " Tlien it saems to me that two or thiee thousand dollais would be a fair compensation." " Two or thiee thousand '" she echoed. " Why, sir, I courted that man for ten yeais. " I RMicuiii ti an anecdot I ,"' sa>s Mi S. C. Hall, in his " llctiospcct ol a Long Lite," "of a Bishop of CoiU, who, voyaging aciObS tho Channel in one of tho sailing-packets, was much shocked by the oaths of the captain, and tiom reasoning and entreaty came to somewhat angry pi otest. 'Ye see, my loul,' said the captiin, ' unless I swear, 1113' men won't obe^ me !' ' Tiy them,' uiged the bishop : ' tiy them.' So the skipper at last agreed to do no ; but, unknown to his lordship, he ai tanged a little comedy with the ciew. Ytty soon it came on to blow ficsh. 'Tom,' cticd the captun, 'coil that 1 ope. Tom never moved, but stood chewing his quid ' Jack, Bill, Harry,' said the skipper, ' j'ist oblige me by taking in the topsail. 1 Not a man stirred. Tho wind howled mote and more loudly ; the v essel plunged lieav lly through the waves Thin the skipper turned to the pab-faced bishop, who was watching the lesulfc of the c\pci intent ' My lotd, my loid,' si id he, in n temfied tindeitone, ' what am I to do ' If my men won't obey me, we must all go to the bottom.' • Well, said the bishop, slowly and lcluotiUitly, ' under the circumstances, I— l think you may— s a ear — a little.' No soonci sud than done. A volley of oaths sent Jack, Bill, and Hairy aloft, and about di quick as liglitning sails wet c fuiled topes coiled ; and no inoic waui'iigs .igtinst the sin of piofanit} weic lieaul dining that voyage, at least. Ldgal LsTi.LutiiACK.— Not long since an Austin lawyer was appointed by the . Distiict judge to examine a candidate for admission to the bar Tlie young man was lather deficient in Blaol. stone and Gteenleaf. It looked vetv much as though he lacked the lequisite picpuation "Do you know what fiaud is in the judicial sense of thewoid?' inquired the examntint; attorney. I font — I li.udly think I do," was the stammering lvply. " Well, ft and exists when a man tales advantage of his supeiior knowledge to injuic an ignorant person. " " So, that's it is it ? Then it jou Uke advantage of your superior knowledge of law to ask me questions I can't answ er, owing to my ignorance, and m consequence theieby, lam refused a license, I will be nijuied, and you will be guilty ot fraud. Won't you judge !" The lawyer was veiy thoughtful for a few moments, and then added, reflectively : •' My young fiiend. I perceive, you have great naluial qualifications for the bar, and I shall lecommcud that a lai^c, handsomely engiossed and liclily engiaved licuiso be granted ,> on in spite of your ignorance." — Detroit Fvcc Pi ess. Rats axd Mick. —lf you wish to de stroy them Ret n. picket of Hili \ M u.rc Xi i,mi\ Km 1 iK in packets, Gd, OJ, and Is, to be obtained of al) storekeepers, or from I. li. Hin b}' onclosing- an extia stamp. One Sun.LiXG. — Francis ,T. Shortts' Popular Art Union.— Ten first-class Oil Paintings by celebrated attist-,. 5000 tirkets at Is The prices aie magnificent and costly. Countiy subscribers sending st imps or otltcrwisc will have tickets by return post. Lnclose stamped envelope for reply. — Fka\cis J. Shouii, 140, Queon-strcet, Auckland — fAtivi.] Lifk in TtfEßu.su— Then ami Now.— It is generally Supposed that in the bush v.c have to put up with many disromfoits and privations in the shape of food Formerly it was so, but now, thanks to T. R. Him,, who has himself dwelt in the bush, if food does consist chiefly of tinnpd meats his Cof.ovx \l Sai 1 15 trwes to thtm a most delectable flavour, making them as well of the plainest food most erjoyable, and instead as hard biscuits and indigestible damper his Improved Colonial Baking Powdkr makes the very best bread, scones, cakes, and pastry far superior and more wholesome than yeast or leaven. < Sold by all storekeepers who can obtain it from aoy merchant in Auckland,