Page 4 Advertisements Column 1

Waikato Times, Volume XXI, Issue 1747, 15 September 1883, Page 4

GtiIBANIXGS.

Acroiuts of every hoiischold-PKel>< and tumbler. nge Wiiv arc blushes liko girl* ' . " WJ't become women. vl lward o f was O no liik « owestntf gut o f hl3 ow „ W ay . who,- when he has *->i •ninutes to spare, goes and bothers .somebody who hasn't. I}? a ship-ou ncr wants to auction oIT his vessel lie should not put to t>ea irr a jstDi'in. Ho might lose tire sail. " Youu horao has a ticirioinbiH long bit," said a friend to Theodore Hook. " Ye«," said he, " it is a bd too long." NfiVUi be above your calling, or be afraid to appear dressed in accordance with the business you are poi forming. Noisody wishes the baby stolen ; still, it is a relief when the nursic ciibs it at night. 'A ciTizrv of the Nutmeg State comniends tho young lidk-s. of tins country thus :— " Ah. these Lrdi field country gir's make good wr\us ; I vo had three of them." " Love for the dead should not ciamp our duty to the Irving," remarked tire enthusiaatio angler as he sat dowrr to a mess of trout, the result of his own prowess. A Limbkk'K banker, remarkable for his sagacity, had aniion leg, "which," said Curran, "is the io/lcbt pan; about him. A Much abused editor wrote to a brother journalist calling him an ass, and then thoughtlessly signed himself " Yours fiateuiiilly." AI'TEII SlTlTrUl AKTER A BaTjT, — He : " Without joking, Elsie. I adore you. When I look at your there is a commotion in my breast !" >She : " And mine too, Aloii/o ; I think it must be the lobBter salid." A i-ady once asUfd a friend what would be a good name to give her now pet dog. " Tonic," answered the friend, without a moment's hesitation ; "for it rs sine to be a mixture of bm/,, tteal, and n-Jn w." It is rchted .-is a singular f.ict that fit men never commit ciuiu. It dosv-n't seem so bingnlai when yo.i u fleet fiat it is difficult; for a fat man to stoop to anything low. A r,v<\' doctor sent in n cci tili'ute of death, and acoidmtally sig.red liib name in the fp.uo for "ciuij of death." — .Phihdilplixi M,J>t,il 'Jim - It is said th \L (leneul <!i ml w ill b" on thu nuM two i ut po~>la_'i' stamp. Then we can lu'k him, but will have to do it behind lm ha.tk.-Jli '/'//on' buiftmi X >i 9. •■ I'm: bees are swaimnij" find thole's no end of 'em," j>.ud Fanner June-, coming into tio liou^o llii bjy (icoi_ r e entered u second afteiwaids, ,uul .said theii' h.ii "an cml to ono of em, and it was red hot, too. ' "\Yii\r do you do with sii.lt people ■when they c.Mi't sleep V ' a?k< <l an English ph> MU.in, ti;i\ oiling m the Kist, ot an Arab doutor. "Wo mL tiium to watch tho camols,"' was the pi ictieal rep ] y"Wim' i> the iiiiMiiing of the word 1 tantaliMDL' ? '' a^ivid :i teacher "Please, maim,'' spoken litlh fellow, " it meaiio a uious proe pacing the school-house, and tho atholais not allowed to look out " " I AM M'i,\M\f.," said a long winded orator, " foi the benefit of p'r-tonty." " Yo-." s.iiil one of hi > hearer-*, "ami if you keep on much lung' r, > our ji'hlioiicj will be hole." Tin; folly winy good Moiy is i;M of the Secict u y ot the Nm Kiaiin u> I'hilhar iiiouii 1 Such ty —V <{i nth m irr rai'g h.s dooi b"ll one oveiriiiL' r. < . ntly ami n-.Keil if ;i Mi —In< i' tin n- " An, ' sud theinteiisfly miiMi.il 11 -in) , pointing up the shcil " li' In < ■* about t\i\ octavo — 1 mean eight dooi f> high r." '• [ ->i|(iril>so lil.o .i < idii ditiil the jear of my Imth, sud a jnaiden lady of uncertain .il'i' to a hi.i'u a< <|ir milancu. •' Do you think \ou could gi i on« foi me? "lam aliaid not,"' he rrpli'd. ''Tin. so \ci> old ('mi. au fiii'y to be found in valuable co!k' lions. ' And >et he cannot hu w li\ , w In n lie nu I the lady lie\t t\,\\ , -In didn I l |i' ak to linn Sci n,,, Jli'^'il 'id [>ol;i c o %<.. Snpdintcnduit to ji >!iu man "\\ !m ! nuaii 3 on, Tonal, by i ilmm; John .MoLnish * tr.nnp ' in the bunko of tin olfi*,? AVli.it, is ;i ti ruji ' I'ulicviniii "A tiainj), your limioui, i-> i man wliotiasels about a'ld s<\k*, joi wmk, <'iul disir.i want it. ' Supu intend nit is satisfied. A M.\K MiJiiri i) man w.tS iiduryin ;i hoi-c-L.u th' oLliL'i d.o, whin a, lady opposite bow id to linn. lie iitunud tic Ijow , raised hi^ Ii it, smiled sweetly, nnd was just woirdeiing who .she was, when she i line ovoi and vvhi-pcicl m his ear, "Oil! 11l (i v foi this old man." Then he knew it was lii-,w.fu. (Jini.M, Com i w the \onngcr having pressed a j'oun^ lm nlleni in it .i ]>.utyto sing them a son^, even attu he assured them soli mnly that he tould nut sing, and obseivcd tastily they wcic wanting to make a butt of him -"No, my good sir,'' said (J)lomin, "we only want to get ii stave out of }ou '' "My wife lost her pnu-c with three pounds m it to i.\a\ ,' sud .i sad loolungm.ui. •' W hen going into lowiror coming home?' asked sumobod). '"When? Didn't I tell you she had some money in it?" demanded tho sad-looking man, and everybody knew when she lost it. "E\im*rt" Tki.h'ui.m.'. — It is said that a Fiench painter one day visited the Sulmi in lAnis in company with a friend who was a member of iho committee of sel 'ction, and who had been rnfituimciit.il in procuring the acceptance of the painter's woik. When tdo aitist came near Ins putnre, In* txchuined, '• (Jood giacioiis, you'ie eshibitiny my pictuio the w long side up!" "Hush," was tho reply — -"the committee refused it the other 1 way upwaids !" J)i'kin<: the rage for .spoiling b^cs a clergjinau was "tinned down" at a fashionable asscuiblj foi speMrngdiunkenness with ono '• n ' Shortly afteiwaids ho lctuined to his pan&h, .'lid found himself very coldly received by his parishioners. Mo sent for the paiish cloik, and asked him what was the cause. " Well, sir," leplieil the man, "a lepoit has come, down lioio that jou weie tinned out ot .i gnat ludv's house in London foi druukenc-s." An Italian oigan-giindcr recently escaped a line bj a veiy ingenious excuse. He had been plajiuu' befoie tho house of a very iia->oililo old gentleman, who furiou-.ly, and with wild gesticulations, ordered him to "move on." The organgrinder 1 stolidly giound on, Jiud was arrested for Ins disturbance. At the 3 J olice coint the mngi.stiate asked him why lie did not leave when requested. "No spik Inqleso," was the reply." ."Well," saiil tho niagistutc, "but you must have understood his gestures— his motions." " I tmkee he come to dance," was the it-joinder," and tho magistrate let the musician go. Rats and Mich. —If you wish to destroy thorn net .1 p.ukit ot Hn 1 'sM vi.ic inns Kil I n« 111 p.i'-kt f», OJ, Oil, ond Is, to be obtained of all btorcki cpors, or iiom 1, ii. iiill. b) enclosing ail LVlr.i st. imp. Lii'-K in Tin, Busir— Tjii-\ t and Now.— It is generally suppo->. ii that 111 tho bti ->li ue h,i\e to put up with mail) di*-* omiorts and pi i\ ationb in the shape ot lood l'oimerly it was so, but jiow, thanks to J. 1!. Hill, who has himself dwelt in tin- bush, it food ilocs ccm-ist < liuflj of tinned mi ats his Cor omai .Vii'ei Rives to them a most deleLtable llnoui, making ihcm as well of the plainest iood most erjovabie, and mstDid as h.ud bis( mts .inu ind'gestibk' dampoi his L\il'lioviir) CoIOMAi. li vki.no I'owiiiu m.ikes the vory best biead, se-onos, cakes, and pastry far superior and more wholesome than yeast or leaven. .SolJ b> all storekeepers who can obtain it from any merchant in Auckland. You will do well to furnish your house from Garliek and Cranwell's. 1 hey have now the most complete l'urmshing N\'arehouse in, Auckland furnitute to suit all classes, good ?trc.,)Z, *nd cheap. Tliev have l'apestiy Carpets >;om 2a 3d pci yaid, JJiussels from 3< lid per -yard, Linoleum from 3s 9d to ss, Oil Cloths from ~ ' Is 6d to 4s Cd per >aid, good 12 feet wide Oil Cloths at &> tid per yard. Immense assortment • of Iron Jiedsteads from Intents' Cots to 6 iqet, Wide iialf-tostcr Ue-dsteads. iron JJedf tegds.from 255, 480 Bedsteads in stocic to select ' from; ' BbddingS ot all kinds and sues kept in ''readinpss. Dining:, bitting, Drawing-room Furniture, and and a large assortment ot iManchqstcr r^ are, lf umnshiqe Gppdsj, inplpdmg f-aj( f -aj( lot of Cndtbuiv.sS.upok' Catalogues sent free (.o'inmMg' 'arid SrahwcU, City Hall Quoou'itrcct, AucUana,