GLEANINGS.

Waikato Times, Volume XXI, Issue 1745, 11 September 1883, Page 4

GLEANINGS.

What is'growth but change * A liANoou man calles his wife Crystal, because she is always on the watch. Mikk : " An' what aie ye di<_'giit' out . that hole for l\it?" Pat : " An ah, an' ' it's not the hole I'm after diggm' out ! I'm diggm' the dirt out and lavin' the hole" " I say, Johnny, can yon tell a young, '] tender ehieken from an old. tough one !'" "Of course I can." " Well, how ?" " JJy the teeth," "Chickens have no teeth." " Yes, but I ha\e. Good morning." Oi course all good Englishmen disap> prove of the cruel sport ot bull-lighting ; so when they visit Spain they go to see < nil the fights in order to o\pie&d their emphatic disappioval. Is Uudock churchyard, Cornwall, there is a pretty simple epitaph on a little boy—" And he asked who gathered this Mowci? And the gardener answered, 'The Master!' And his fellow servant held his peace." T>:aoiii;r: "Ddine- the word 'excavate.' " Scholar : "it means to hollow out." Teacher: "Coiibhiuet a sentence in which tiio. woidis piopeily used." Scholar: " The baby excavates when it gets hint." One man was asked by another, with whom he was not on the best of terms, where lie had taken his abode. "Oh," he replied, " I'm living by the canal ! I should be delighted if you would diop in some evening." Auiku.— in using this expies&ion, ■which habit has. icndeied tiivial, few persons lccolleet itsital ougin and meaning, and that its pionouneing it they recommend their iiiends> a Dicu— to the protection of God. Darnel O'Coxnkll made a pilgrimage to the s> limit! of tit. Thomas of Can tci Inn y every year, and he used to tell the following anecdote about the fit bt visit : — "I cud not know the exact spot wheic the saint fell in.v tyied, but the veiger showed it to me. I knelt down and kissed the stone which had leeched his life-blood. The vcigei, in honoi, told me that he would be (li^mibbul it tlie dean saw that liv allowed any ' Popish w oik' there. I, to coiibole him, asked him Ins fee, and he told me it w'ds a shilling. I gave him a half a ciown, si} ing that the additional ono-and sixpence was for his flight. He thanked me caictully looked out into the gioundi, lie said, ' lies not theie, sir ; >ou may ki^b it agam foi nothing. When a zeal gentleman ciiwus I lot mm ilo as lie lilws, foi I think," added O'Connell, " that he wanted auother haH-a-oiown ; buc, though 1 was never in ofliee, I lemained on that occasion under the eioun." A SrKVMJi; SroK\. — Aunt Cliaileb Fox told lib of an Ameiican Knond who once felt a concern to go so mow heie, he knew iiotwhcie, JJe oideied his, giy, J>is sci \aut cibkitig whoio lie w.i^ to diive. "Up and down the load,"' said his niastei . At last they met a f uncial. " Follow tins luneial, 'said the master. Thej followed in the pioeis-jion until they came to the ohuie.hja.id. Whilst the bci\KO w,is being peiforiiod tlie Fi lend sat in his git; ; at its conclusion be walked to the giave, an<l ovcl.umcd solemnly, "The prison now biniod is innocent of the ci imc l.iitl to hei chaige" ! and tlien lotuined tolnsu'ig An elelcily gentleman, m deep monining, came up to bun in "tcit agitation and said, " Sir, what you said lias mu prised me veiy much," " I can't help it, 1 can't help it," leplicd the othei ; " 1 only paid what I was obliged to say." "Well," said the mom tier, " the person just buried was my wife, who foi some jeajvi lay under suspicion of mhdclity to me. No one else knew of it, ami on lici deathbed she again piotcfeled her innocence, and said that it I Mould not believe her then, a witness to it would be laised up even at lici giave-aide !' — Jumittth of Uaioloio J'ov. For four {inicnitions tlicio liv& boon ,i nijsU j ry at I llainis (Jastle which no one had c\er been alilc to i.ithom. Some said it was a yliost, otlicis a ni^tciiously hidden tieasuie, but liimouisofa nioie iincinny natuio lluatud aiound the conn tiy and has (low .so foi about i'.'S j<_aia. four K,u ls of Sti.ithmoie have <-cated the involves in ai.cc^ti <■ I .Mate at "Webtiniiiistei, and \ot all the while the ie il Mail, the eldtst of the family, was ab\e hidden in the v ,i-,t old touda.l palace at (il.tmis ]I<j died oily last yen 1 , aged !12 3 caM, and ho was a 111011 ster. Ho stood eight feet 111 hoitiht. His hrad <uid uppci pait ot the body icsombh'd that ot a toad. J lib skin was marked \iilh black and while splotches, and hi-> hands woio wobbod. Ho could not spoaU nui lu'.ir, luit hib ojls weie bnuhtnud v\dd Ho no\ or showed signs of ica^on, and in onloi to avoid legal dilhciilties and painful levelations, this honoi was hidden 111 a building elected for the pin pose His g.ioleis. ueie paid liandaomc .innuitios to Keep silent. As each Kul sucooodod to the estate, he ■was taken to see this cieatuie, and it is &aid that one of these gentlemen almost lost his loason in beholding the loathsome and gigantic hoi 101. Last ycai the poor mi etch died, and his secret has came out, owing to divinities concerning the disposal ot Ins leinains. The most extiaoidiuaiy paitof it all is> that the wheicabouts of the monster Kail was kopt so wondei fully quiet, and also that he lived to such an advanced age. — E.iehiniyi'. TUAHS OF C.IINKM. CUV-RUTER— A father mny , it any time take away the life of his sou. Tiavollois do not say that this is often done, though thcyinfoim us that infanticide especially of females, is very common. The Chinese argue that, the patent hi\ ing given butii may also take aw aj r the lite he fi.wc. Fl.mellation is piactibcd not only in fanulio 1 -. but thioughouttheStateforpolitical oflcnces ; bein« considuii'd healthful for thcmoials of all. Anyone is liable to uudeigo this punishment if it be oideied by one higliei in ofhec than himself. Not only arc the .YLuidaiins subject to this degtacktion ; but sometimes the Empeior inflicts it upon his Ministers and even his sons. A cm ions instance is given by Di Gul/ullY, who lived for some time in China. The Kmpeior, /indin<; that his revenue did not meat Ins expenses, was sadly put to it how to remedy this state of things : it was submitted to the Cabinet Mimsteis, and piw.led them too. At length a \oiy clever Mandarin hit upon a scheme which should answer every end. The plan was duly eonsideied and deemed the vciy tiling ; " but,'' said the jSlinisteis, " this follow is in advance of of bis age, so we must teach him to know his place." Accordingly lie was summoned befoie the august assembly and told that, as the levwud of his audacity, he was to lecoivcso many stiokos of the bamboo. The weight of the bamboo, however, is considerable lightened by " silveiing" the plain of him who uses it. Rats and Micß.-Jf you wish to destroy them «ot ,1 p.K Lot of Un 1 'sM voic Vprmiv Kili l'R 111 I>J.< U< ts, Gel, ')d, and Is, to be obtained of all storekeepers, 01 fiom '1. IJ. Hiil by enclosing an e\im st.imi). Ljkk in Tin: Bush— Tur-N and Now. — It ib generally supposed tli.it in tlie bush v\o have to put up vvilh m.mv discumtoits and privations in the shape ol food Foimerly it was so, but now, thanks to I. I? Ilm, who Ims himself dwelt in the busli, if food does consist ilncflv of tinned meats Ins Col oviAl v '.lKl frhes to them a most delec table fl n our, making- them as well of the plainest food most crjo\able, and instead as iiaid biscuits and indigestible damper his Impuovi'i) Coiomai ISakino l'ovvijm makes the very best bread, sloiics, cakes, and pastry far superior and more wholesome than yeast or ]ca\en. Sold h) all storekeepers uho c^n obtain it from any merchant in Auckland. You will do well to furnish your house from Garlicl* and Cranwell's. 'Ihey have now the most complete Furnish inj? Warehouse in "Auckland, furniture to suit all classes, good 1 »tro.;g, and cheap. They have Tapestry Carpets , ;rom 2s 3d pci yard, Hrussels from 3s lid per ' vaid. Linoleum from 3s 9d to fis, Oil Cloths fiom Is Od to 4s (id pci* yard, good 12 feet wide Oil Cloths at Us Cd per jard. Immense assortment oijton Ucdsteads from Infants' Cots to 5 Jeet I wide half-tester Bedsteads. Double iron Hed'Vteads from 255» 480 Bedsteads in stock to select • frdm. Heddings ot all kinds and sizes kept in readiness. Dining, Sitting, Drawine-ropm FurjDiture. and and ajarge assortment of Manchester ",nrc, Furrnshino 1 Goods, includmsr a. lot of 1 Cndtoimesi; Book Catalogues sent free '16 in- J ' 'tending • pdrpbasers. Garlick *nd Cranv/ey,