GLEANINGS.

Waikato Times, Volume XXI, Issue 1724, 24 July 1883, Page 4

GLEANINGS.

*' Better late than never" does not apply ( with eminent buccpss to the man who wants to catch a train. .Wb should, be as careful of our words astof bur actions, as as far from speaking ill as from doing ill, The young lady w,ho called at a bookseller's for * l Drake on Attachments" was disappointed to find that it was only a lawbook. None are so foud of secrets as those who do no mean to keep them ; they covet a secret as a spendthrift covets money, merely that they may circulate it. The human heart is made for love, as the household hearth for lire ; and for truth, as the household lamp for light. A^J V eminent painter was once asked what ho mixed his colours with in order to produce so extraordinary as effect. " I mix them with brains, sir !" was the answer. * Wealth is most envied, but least enjoyed : health is frequently enjoyed by the least envied — yet the poorest man would not part with his health for money, but the richest would gladly part with his money for health. A little fellow of five, going along the street, is stopped by akind-hearted gentleman, who says, " Where are you going my little man V "To school." "And what do you do at school ? You learn to read ?" " No." "To write?" "No." "To count ?" " No." " what do you do ?" "I wait for school to be let out." "Is anybody waiting on you ?" said a polite dry goods clerk to a young lady from the country. "Yes, sir." replied the blushing damsel, " that's my fellow outside ; he wouldn't come in the store." We never regret the kind words we have spoken or the retort we have left tinsaid, but bitterly we recall sharp words spoken angrily, and unkind actions that may have caused tears to come to eyes that will never shed them any more, " Well, you are the biggest goose I ever see," said an uncultivated, but honest Bostonian, to the partner of his joys and sorrows. And she, who has the advantage of a public school education, smiled upon him graciously, as she remarked—" Oh ! hubby, you are such a self -forgetting darling." A few days ago, as two young men were passing Trinity church, they were stopped by a little boy, who was sitting on the outside of the railing, with, " Young gentleman, please help the blind ?" " How do you know we are young gentleman," said one, " if you are blind ?" " Oh !" said the boy, " I meant deaf and dumb !" Says a popular writer in a London paper : — The county-court judge of a London district, who had made himself famous for certain eccentricties of character, was endeavouring, the other day, to elicit from a female w itness the terms of friendship on which she was with one of the parties in the cause. " How did you write to him ?' asked the judge. 'By the post she replied. c That's not what I •want to know,' continued the judge. 1 Did you write to him as " Sir," " Dear sir," " My dear sir," or '• D u your eyes" or how ?" The editor of the 1 Polite Letter- Writer" may take a suggestion from this in laying clow n rules of conduct for the guidance of the uninitiated in addressing their inimical correspondent. Tonhorial Windfall.— Mr Gough went to have his hair cut at Liverpooljon the day before he left England, and in preparation for his last English lecture. He told the barber whure he was going, but not who he was. "You'll have John B. Gough for your fellow-pas-senger," said the barber ; " how did you like him?" "I don't think much of him," replied Mr Gough. " I'm going to hear him to-night," said the barber ; " I did not say I did not like him," "and I wonder you do not like him." said Mr Gough. " What sort of a man is he?" inquired the barber. "Very ordinary-looking," replied Mr Gough. " What's his size ?" " About my size." "Do you know him?' demanded the barber. "Tolerably well," said Mr Gough, >So the conversation went on, and at its close Mr Gough introduced himself. At first the barber was confnscd, but, recovering himself quickly, ho shouted, " 'Enery, sweep up all this 'air and take care of it !" Said a young doctor to a lady patient : "You must take exercise for your hearth, my dear." "All right," she said; "I'll jump up at first offer." They were married about six months afterwards. "ThEX,"said the new curate, "do I understand that your aunt is on your father's side or your mother's ?" Country lad: "Zometimes one and zometimes the other, 'cepting when feyther whacks 'em both, sir !" White, the emblem of innocence and purity : red, the colour of passion ; blue, contrary ; green, hope ; pink, love j yiolet, friendship ; brown, indifference ; black, death and despair. A Scotch gentleman of fortune on his death-bed asked the minister whether, if he left a largo turn to the Kirk, his salvation would be secured ? The cautious minister responded : "I would not like to be positive, but it's weel worth trying." A gentleman* who had been dining out the night before went into a barber's shop one morning to be shaved. Ho saw that the barber had been talking more than was good for him, for his hand shook very much, and, naturally indignant, he began to give him a little moral advice by saying, "Bad thing, drink!" "Yes," said the barber, "it makes the skin tender." The Hani)\vritix« of Famous men.— Sometimes half a dozen engravers are engaged in rendering an artist's drawing of a single subject, which, when finished presents to the unpractised eye one uniform style. Nevertheless a practised eye can discover where each individual engraver's work leaves off and where that of every one of the rest begins. In handwriting, as in other arts and in literature, "the style is the man." For all that, the evidence of handwriting, as of style generally, is not to be relied on n hen men's lives and liberty are at stake. Still less can character be judged from handwriting. Brave men may perpetrate a timid scrawl, generous and highminded men may write a mean hand, and cowards produce of bold and flowing script. Porson, the great Greek Bcholar, among the untidest of students, wrote neatly and elegantly, Cromwell's writing, though lar^e, is shaky. Shakespeare's signature is not particularly clear. Napoleon Bonaparte wrote illegibly, it is said purposely, to hide his bad spelling. The handwriting of the tortuousminded Charles I. is as clear and striking as that of Thomas Carlyle is crabbed and indistinct. On the other hand Queen Elizabeth's writing is magnificent. Edgar Allen Poe wrote beautifully, and with scarcely an erasure ; whereas the manuscripts of Charles Dickens, to be seen in the Forster collection at South Kensington, are rugged and full of alterations and ' emendations. Many men write large or small- in characters boldly or weakly formed, accordingly to their humor of the moment. Again, handwriting depends for its style on the school in which it is taufehtand the purpose to which it is applied. The manuscript of Byron, of ' Thomas Campbell, and of Thackery, taiay be called the literary hand. It is uniform in color, small, and fairly legible, but * i without a superabundant curve or. flourish^ The great mass of " copy " -which passes through the hands of a „ modern, printer is more or less of the „,same character. A commercialhand; as * ",it r is called, is something quite different. , ' ffl Gjiven J an envelope , addressed by a city J clerk and one from the hand of a University, professor, and it .is well-nigh csefcain, t M\%,#'e, farmer will be mote distinguishes for.elecance and clearness than the-Krafcti' F> Again, ,the. ofj * the rustic and uncultured .classes so much - mms» UMntWfflMem oVerbial -grain -

, Good temper, llk^k Sunny day, •hods a brightness over everything. # It is the sweetener 'or ' f^oil ' and" the l soother of disquietude. A debtor who wafc sued'by his creditor, acknowledged that, he, had borrowed the money, but' declared that the plaintiff, knew all the 1 time that it waj ft Kathleen Mavourneen loan., " A Kathleen Mavourneen loan !" replied' the court, with a puzzled look. ".That's it, Judge — one of the 'it may be for ' years, and it may bo for ever' sort." A Man of this stamp could not fail TO BECOME A MILLIONAIRE.— -A Jew possessing a moderate capital started a paper in a large Continental town. He introduced a new feature among the obituary notices by inserting along with each name, under the heading, " Medical Statistics," the nature of the disease, the manner of treatment, as also the name and address of the medical man. The doctors in the town hasten to silence the mischievous tell-tale by the offer of a large indemnity. The fourth time of asking.— Don Piatt, writing from the White Sulphur Springs to the Washington Capital, «ays : i— " The paternal author of the belle here, it is said, the other day, shortly after his return to the Springs, was approached by a youth, who requested a few minutes' conversation in private, and began ;41; 4 1 Mas requested to see you by your lovely daughter. Our engagement ' * Young man,' interrupted the parent briskly, ' I don't know what that girl of mine is abont. You are the fourth gentleman who has approached me on that subject. I have given my consent to the others, and give it to you. God bless you all.'" A youth was endeavouring to enjoy an evening in the company of a young lady upon whom he had called, but found a serious obstacle in the person of a item father, who at length ventured to say very plainly that the hour for retiring had arrived. "I think you are correct, my dear sir," returned the unabashed young man. "Wo have been waiting for you to go to bed for over an hour." Beethoven had incurred the displeasure of one of those petty German Soverings whose territory was infinitely less extensive than were their dynastic pretensions. Notice was sfirved on him to quit the States of his Serene Highness within twenty-four hours. Beethoven wrote in reply— "Prince, if your Highness will take the trouble to ascend to your balcony, you will see me across the frontier in five minutes." " Looking for the comet, were you ?" scornfully exclaimed Mrs Marrowfat, Julia heard her mother's footsteps, but not in time to withdraw her check unobserved from young Mr Mortimer Percie's vest. " Yes," responded Julia, not knowing exactly what she said. " And did you think you would find it in Mr Percie's pocket?" Julia was silent At her time of life she could not be ex« pected to answer such a question. It is often a great disadvantage to be young. Every Man to his Trade. — Heavy tragedian at railway hotel— " Prithee, landlord, dwells there within the precincts of this hamlet a machinist?" Landlord —"A machinist? Yes sir. ' Tragedian — "Then take to him this bird of many springs. Bid him wrench asunder these iron limbs, and then ; for our regalement, to chisel slices from its unyielding bosom, for we would dine anon. And, pray you, do it quickly. Yon peas you need not carry, for those, with dexterous management, we can swallow whole. Away !" A letter from a correspondent in Armenia describes the incidents of a ride to Kars, and the contrasts presented by the district still under Turkish rule and those which now belong to Russia. Upon Kars itself the Russian Government lias spent nearily a million sterling during the last five years on public buildings and road making in and about the town. The local government has ako founded a college and one or two schools. There is a steady immigration of the more industrious population in Turkish Armenia, and no one complains of corrupt law courts or ruinous delays in the administration of justice, the two fatal evils of legal administration in the Turkish provinces. The correspondent says that the reports of the augmentation and concentration of the Russian troops are quite without foundation. The following items of Home news are by "The Anglo- Australian " in the European Mail :— I mentioned in my last that a new scheme was on foot for a plan of emigration on an extended basis to New Zealand. Imaystatenow that this scheme is making good progress towards a happy inauguration, and probably in my next I may he in a position to lay a number of interesting and important details before my readeTs. Mr Pash has just delivered before the Essex Chamber of Agriculture a very explicit and elaborate report on New Zealand, from a farmer and grazier's view points, and drew a large and most nppreciative audience to listen to his highly practical and valuable remarks. This lecture cannot but have a good effect in Essex, and will setve assuredly to dissipate many highly erroneous impressions pre^ vailing in some quarters as to the true character and possibilities of agriculture in Npw Zealand. Industrial strikes have frequently very far-reaching effects. I hear that the strike that has occurred among the numerous employes of the great house of Bolckow, Vaughan and Co., will materially affect) some rather large orders for New Zealand, and occasion an indefinite delay in their execution. The Fisheries Exhibition (writes the London correspondent of the Sydney Morning Herald) is one of the most interesting collections of the kind ever got together, and since the Great Exhibition of 1862 there has been nothing like it in this country. The Exhibition occupies 23 acres of ground, covering the entire space of the Royal Horticultural Society's Gardens and all the adjoining buildings in which so many of the smaller international exhibitions have been held during the past 15 years. All the leading countries of the world are represented —Canada, United States, Scandinavia, Fiance, Belgium are in strong force, and the exposition includes not only specimens of fish and fishing, but embraces almost every kindred subject. There are life-saving apparatus, and models of fishing boats for all parts of the world. We have fishmen and fishwives, and cheap fish dinners. Something like an average of a thousand persons a day partake of the 6d fish dinner, which is being produced by a school of cookery, in order to illustrate how well common fish may be served up for the table. The Exhibition is also interesting from a scientific point of view, because there are admirable illustrations of the latest methods of pisciculture, and an educational object .pervades the whole of the arrangements.

Rats and Mice. —If you wish to destroy them get a packet of Hiix'sMagic Vkrmin Killer in packets, Od, Od, and Is, to be obtained of all storekeepers, or front T. B. Hill by enclosing an extra stamp.

Life in the Bush — Then and Now. — It is generally supposed that in the bush we have to put up with many djscomforts and privations in the shape ot food. Formerly it was so, but now, thanks to T. B. Hill, who has himself dwelt in the bush, if food does consist chiefly of tinned meats^his Colonial Saucb gives to them 'a nivst delectable flavour^ making' them as well of the plainest food mostjenjoyable, and instead as hard biscuits and indigestible damper his Improved, Colonial Baking Powdbr makes the very best bread, scones, 'cakes, an'd pastry far superior and more wholesome than yeast" or) 'leaven. )Sold by all storekeepers* wh» can ob-i tain it from any merchant in Auckland. ' i

You^iH do well.to furnish iyopr house' from ' &arlick and tJranwell's. They have now the most complete Furnishing Warehouse in 1 Auckland. ' fuirnit'utV to 'suit all :■ classes," good strcsigt, *nd che&pjo Thfay.hay^Tapefetrjr, Carpets .mm 2s 3d per yard, Brussels from* 3s lldjper' yard. Linoleum from 3s Od to ss,'oil I Ciotli's ! from' Is M to^sSd pei-'yard, good 12 feet wide Oil Cloths at 3s 6d pdc yard. Immense assortment of Iron BQdsteads from^nfants^^pts-.to 6 itei wide half-testeir I Bedsteadi." t Pp,uble jron v HedJ Heads from 25i."fi80tfieaitca f ds in select ifrom,-' Bfcddingktof alia JiUrtdii^nd^iiesl kept iri readiness. .Diving, Sitting, Drannbgrroom EJur-! niture.^nd^^^rarefgif^jrtraentbfMincheSt^