GLIPPINGS.

Waikato Times, Volume XXI, Issue 1719, 12 July 1883, Page 4

GLIPPINGS.

The Rev. Joseph Cook, who is not unknown in Australia, in a i;eeeut lecture at Boston, declared that 5,000,000 "of the .60,000,000 of the popufatioa.bf 'the United States over ten years of nge cannot read, 6t2ci0,0006 t 2ci0,000 cannot write. •'{Ckfa id an age of phenomena, undreamed 'of, 'novelties, ' and startling surprises. In New York a company has jlfst been organised to furnish the city with real IniTkl — Baltimore News. 'ts + this age of adulterations" even comparatively primitive Spain has not escaped. One Spanish magistrate, at least, has hit upon a highly original mode of dealing with them. A French paper quotes the proclamation of a certain cilcade whom Dogberry himself might envy. " All articles/ runs this precious document, "in the shape of wines, groceries, and provisions, which upon examination and analysis, and proved to be injurious to health, will be confiscated and distributed to the different charitable, institutions." * The following conversation is reported to have lately taken place between n minister and a widow — both of Aberdeen. The widow, who called upon the minister, seethed desirous of relieving her mind of something which oppressed her, at which the reverend gentleman, wishing to hurry matters, examined, "My good woman, you see I can be of no service to you till you tell me what it is that troubles you." " Well, sir, I'm thinkin' o' gettiu' married again." "Oh, that is it ! Let me see ;that is pretty frequent— surely ? How many husbands have you had ?" "Well, sir," she replied, in a tone less of sorrow than of bitterness, "this is the fourth; I'm sure there's nae wumman been sac tor* mented wi a set o' cleoin' men l" In addition to being a thorough musician, Madame Rudersdorff was ft most entertaining woman. The stories of her life are full of interest. She was a great favourite with the Princess Royal of England, who is now the Crown Princess of Prussia. Shortly after the marriage of the Princess, Madame Rudersdoff sang at a Court concert at Berlin, and was invited by the Crown Princess to breakfast with her. They breakfasted together informally, and afterwards tnadame sang several songs of Handel's, the Princess's favourite composer, her Koyal hostess pbiying her accompaniments. After a while the Princess proposed a visit to the nursery. As inadame was sitting on the floor, with one child playing with the charms of her watchchain, another hanging over her shoulder, and the baby in her arms, the door opened, and the Crown Prince walked in. The Princess aroßß and introduced her visitor. Madame looked up, and, with her ready tract and wit, said, •• Your Royal Highness, I must either disregard Court etiquette ov drop the buby," The The Prince bowed caurtoauely, and sold, With a Aiuikt " Vo >vlmt yo like with tetk|tt«Jfcte, but Mgiml this buby." O-NCE, when iv Naples LttblttWie, the fititebrutod ntugUr 1 ) wivs flont for to the Pttlttdei Ho entered the waiting-room, and) till called into the p"i'Bseiled of the king) conversed with the cUtirtiers in attendance. Having a culd iti his head, lie requested permission to keep on hia hut. Getting into full di.scour.se, he w«i.s suddenly startled by the Gentlemen-in-Waitins crying out, "His Majesty demands the presence of Signor Lablache !" In his eagerness to obey the itoyal huinmoDs, Lfibluche forgot the hat he hitd on his head, nnd snatching up another, thus entered the King's cabinet. Being received with a most hearty laugh, Lablache was confounded, but at length recovered himself, and respectfully asked his Majesty what had excited his hilarity. "My dear Lablache," replied the King", " pray tell me which of the two hats you have with you in your own — that on your head or that in your hand? Or perhaps you have brought both as a measure of precaution in case you should leave one behind you?"' "Ah, MnMetta" replied Lablache, with an air of ludicrous distrotis on dibcoveriug hu> mistake, " two hats are indeed too many for a man who has no head ?''

Why hk Chewed.— How a cruel Brute tormented a delicate Maiden.— She was large and flashy and coarse, and more than all these, she was fat. When Bhe entered a Highland car all the pas* Bengeis looked at her. and fell to reckonup the proiits of a traxulhng show with her as a leading attraction. In leas than five minutes every inmate but one had made himself a retiied millionaire, and was sitting on the piazza of the country residence, smoking fifty-cent cigars by the mile. This one exception sat opposite the leading attraction and chewed tobacco, with a heavenly resignation on his face, such as school-boys who are having their mil < teeth extracted are supposed to wear as an exclusive. Among the car-load of awe struck mortals he sat and chewed the cud of narcotic content bpat upon the nig ; a living embodyment of the great and only undazzled. Tho leading attraction gathered her skirts aiound her and cast a look at him tli.it would have gone through a cow-hide boot and two pairs of stockings and a withered cork -leg.— Everybody expected to see him shirvel to a mummy, but he didn't even wilt — he only chewed and smiled.— '• Fellow," said she, " you chew tobacco ?" He nodded.— ",,Why do you spit in my presence ?*' — " Because my mouth is full ?" — •' 111 not endure it ; I will at onc6 call the conductor-" — "Pray don't disturb yourselt ; if madam wishes to get of? I shall be pleased to stop the car." — "She looked Gatling guns and dynamite at him, but said nothing. He spoke again, and she did not signal the conductor ; she sat still and heaid him. If madam will listen, I shall be pleased to tell her why I am obliged to indulge in this habit that is so hateful to her, I do it to escape a worse —incited, a much worse fate. Madam, as you are now, so once was I. 1 ' She started and said : 11 What do you mean ?" " I was obese." She looked scornful. ' ' I was polysarcous. " She looked interested. " I was, I say, sinqiiescent." She seemed completely fascinated. "In other words, I was fat. " And mad was no name for how she looked. She tried to catch the conductor s eye, but he was busy staring at some girls in a window on Washington street, and did not see her ; she made a frantic effort to get up, but the car was in motion, and she was firmly wedged. &o she was obliged to listen. " Yes, Madam, I was almost as bad off as you are now. Like you I ate chalk and drank vinegar ; I took arsenic and belladonna iv large doses, but they did me no good, and in a few years I should have been as fleshy as you are if I had not got relief from tobacco. Every time I entered a street car they called for another horse ; my picture was stuck up iuall the local fairs, and labelled 4 The Prize Porker ;' the soap boy used to yell ' grease' an extra half hour under my window every morning, and one time when I was sick, the doss of an oleomargarine factory called upon my wife and tried to get a mortgage ton my • remains. He said hehad a promise of youi s, and if he could get a claim on mine all the associated creameries might go to— hello ! muit you go so soon ? Well, good-by. Take my advice and go to • chewing. It will help you when everything else fails." The great undazzled put in another quid and looked dreamily out on the, Common, and four, old maids with paper parcels and band boxes came in and occupied the seat left vacant by the leading attraction. — Boston Globe, ' '. /, ■

• (Rats- akd Miob. —lf- ,you wish to, d(? T , stroy them-get a. packet of Hiu.'sMAchc Vkrmin Kim.br in packets, 6d, 9d, and It, to be bbtdinb'd of all st'orckbepers, or from T. B. Hill byen-' ..dosihffarfcxtrMtamp.i i,i, ,• , , 'i. vn

Life in'th^Busij— Then and Nov^y-. tit is .generally supposed th»t4n the bush we ■ )iav<e ( to put' up with many didcdmforts' and gnvHiionf ' 'ill tHb'shipe'bt'foQd^ Formerly ut;wa? so, but' i'inaw'.iUHAktno/^.tn. Hii,L,-.vsa t Jiat himself., ' dwo» iriihe Vurivifjoed/lpes t wpsisfc chiefly Wf - tijJned'nj^tshUi/OCbNiAkfJAUCß'giveslto tjicm ,--,* ju&lTjdelfeeableJifeurj g>|Woc Jbj?iri as wgjl i;oPKo-p!aii^t W»9^@yv% ipa-iffWdr , wtOVBDXotpHi X^UAkino jPo'WpBR' ; they v t^'^Vest bVcad,7j»coiJsr,Ycaltes, Vl »nd ,'paimrKfar^