A PATENT WALTZER.

Waikato Times, Volume XX, Issue 1672, 24 March 1883, Page 2 (Supplement)

A PATENT WALTZER.

A CONTRIVANCE FOR THE BENKHT^OF '^OBAIj f ■ METHODIST AND KIE9BYTBBIAN ■STpUNa,,I,i^IKS. ,Thehb is a wide-spread feeling ainpngj young ( ladies that no girl can waltz with any comfort .unless she is supported by a firm pfessUre m v the region of the waist. It is a mistake to suppose that these* of the 1 person' cker ting ■this pressure is of any consequence ltf the iraind of the waltzer. She does riot; care' ariyithing about waltzing with young men^m wdt, • she does not oareanything about young men in any > circumstances— but she needs to be supported-in-ardeMoJbe.-able.,to. waltz. A ■girl's arm is not strong enough to yield the Idesired support, .and! nen'6e>K<»e is no satisifaction in waltzing with other girls. What lane's wants .is support, and, not amrang man, ■ •and iV she "could- obtain %c forme* withontthe latter, she would be perfectly contented, iThis opinion has b.een so forcibly and freely ■expressed by countless young ladies' when reproached with their alleged desire to waltz with the young men, that we cannot have the least doubt that' it is literally ana" strictly true. ' , ' i Young men when practicing 1 the waltz step occasionally clasp" a light c'hair'in their right iarms, and seem to find a great ( assistance. . This shows' us that', while a youngm an rhiiit i clasp soniething in order to waltz,' it is. not absolutely' 'necessary that 1 he should clasp a girl. Now, 1 could young ladies' of the Methodist , denomination be 'supplied with 11 some mechanical contrivance wßich' would 'clasp them close' a'roun'd f 'the waist arid yield them that support' which' they 'declare' to be indisI p'ensable', they would undoubtedly 'be>ble to waltz' as cheeffull/as the practicing young man waltzes with" a cliair.' • ' ' ' ' The invention of " M'GonegaVa Patent Irreproachable Waltzer '" meets precisely the case that'has'beerf 'supposed, an'd'it' is indeed remarkable' 'that' it should 'have been placed before the\ public in the very week in which a sermon oil' th'e subject was preached. "Indeed, one can hardly help suspecting that the minister was acquainted,, with; 7and perhaps interested in, the invention, and took an opportunity to aid in its introduction into serious families. The "irreproachable waltzer " consists of a stout frame of light wood t of aobui five'ieet in'height; arid "remotely resembling' an; 'old-fashioned kite frame.' ! At the top of the' frame' is a 1 padded "rest" for a lady's hand, arid at about the middle of the frame is a jointed arpa', capabfe'of being placed round' a', yoiing la'dy's" waist arid'sefeurely 'fastened in that pb'sition with a thumb-screw. r THe frame' has, two' feet furnished with' castors, 'eaon one bf, which, lias a universal ' jointj'so that' it can turn ireely in any direction.' The whole 1 affair Weighs, only five pounds, and it is' made to fold together, so, thaf a lady can c'ai-ry'jfc in her hand either with or without' a shawl-strap. " ' ' ' When ,' a f air,' owner of one of these frames 'desires 'to" waltz Jn a perfectly unobjectibhable way, she unfolds her " irreproachable waltzer," clasps its arms around her waist,'arid,' putting her hand on the "rest," begins' ! to waltz. She finds that the "machine giv^s perfectly satisfactory support to her back; and that it ' revolves in kteepirig with the movement 1 of the waltz with the greatest ease. No one, howeve'f fastidious, can clairfi that r the '•• irreproachable waltzer" is objectionable "oil 'the score of morality; and, as it never treads 'on any girl's dress, ah'd never is guilty of losing 'step, it must be greatly.' preferable in every way to the ordinary young man. ' ' With the help of this ne,w invention waltzing will be stripped ! of its present objectionable features, and will become popular among the' strictest Methodists- and Presbyterians. .It is to be expected'thatit will be hailed%ith enthusiasm by all' young ladies, who will be simply delighted to find that they can' waltz without the annoying presence of young men, whb'se'orily 1 value as'waltzers is, according to the; 'best authorities,' the Support which they give'to' their 'partners. 1 ' '

'FUN WITH' A DEAI' AND DUMB MAN. Quietly entering a barber's shop, the stranger removed his hat and coat, and taking a card from' his pocket, wrote on it : - •' 'I want io be shaved." A barber ' stepped forward; read the card, and, pointing to a chair, said to' his "brother artists: " "Deaf as a brass kettle and dumb afl an oyster." The man straightened himself, out in the chair, when his manipulator began lathering his face. ' "This deaf cuss has a cheek like a stone wall," he said, when a general laugh followed. "Stick a pin in him and see if he'is entirely dumb," said another. . ' The victim remaining undisturbed, the fol* lowing' shots'were fired at him by the ' alighted tonsorial artists : "'He needs a shampoo ; his head is dirtier 1 than a cesspool." ' ' ■''Shave'him'with a stool leg: don't Spoil your razor on that stubble," ' Gracious^ what a breath I It smells like a Hutch band of music." ' - ' " He oiiglrt to rent that nose for, a locomo; tiye headlight," Ac. , ' ! , While ' all ' these ' 'complimentry ' allusions were'flying abdiit him,' the operation 'of Shaving was finished; Hnd 1 the man arose.pvtt'on His cd'ki,, and then' turning toi the astonished baWer^aid:. ' " !f ,'" • ."' /] 1 "How much for the shave and coinpli* 'ments?'" ' ' '"" ■ ,';" !jM ' ' ' ——. " '' ' i

SjEVßi^i, days ago, a Grant cptmty man pro'fes^ed' reJigionanW joined thV'chrfrch. )ff The folßwijag 1 Sunday line convert sehfc^rordto jbhe pre'acner thai 'lie wanted to be' baptised. 1 The minister replied he' was' busy,' tint that if 1 the' convert J Wodld call 'Monday'' he be pleased" to we him.' O^ien tbe' ! b6h?ert 'font r the 'mimsteFthe'following sriggestive'^note 1 : — * r It's^ibdaer 'Trailing 'time, ! arfd 'if Jrouetpeefc me to XQ I Bapti2(id ; Mona'ny, ivHile I inenf be a, savin' of 'inViodde^, You are 'tiytUf' dff !< your pulpit.-^ AhaHiaw'TrWellery >^- *"