CLEANINGS.

Waikato Times, Volume XIX, Issue 1644, 18 January 1883, Page 4

CLEANINGS.

In Berlin,with a< population of 1,145,000 the Church 'attendance "is less than 1 ' 4<'>,ooo. ' , , , At) Irishman, eating* his (first green corn, handed the cob to the waiter and; asked : " Will ye \)hy/.e put some moie banes upon me stluck ?" , t A>Si T )V;t'ii>Ari C'orusK. — Mrs. Muddlecrop ha? no patience with that "Mounseer Lcnsops."' "The silly man,' 1 , she say.-*, " doseivos all his trouble for having gone and dug his canal in such a savage place a» that Egypt. Why ever couldn't he stop at hoinu like a sensible man and digit in Fiance. ?" •'It's my last resort, my last resort," murmured <i dejected looking individual as he braced, himself against a lamp post last night. "What is that?" inquired a sympathetic bystander. "Home," was the mournful reply, home, sweet home." If you want to win the good graces of a inati only lady aud have her ever aftur speak ol you an thut " polite, pleasant gentleman," innocently mistake her for her very youthful and charming daughter. It'& a safe scheme and a sure one. What did you think of my train of thought '/" asked s, lecturer of a supposed friend. " I thought it lacked only one thing," replied the supposed fiiend. " Ah!" responded the delighted lecturer, what was that !" " A sleeping-car," was the answer. 8. H. GrRKKX, a worthy farmer and miller in Georgia, was recently married. His wife was visiting the grist mill, but venturing too clo'-c to the water-wheel, the folds of her dress became entangled in it and she was instantly diawu in and dashed around and around until she was a perfect pulp.- Atlanta Constitution. " What is that noise we hear, mother?" " That is a man learning to play the violin, my child." "Is he sick, mother?" " No, he is not hick, my child, as you suppose, but exeiyone in the neighborhood is. They wish he would be sick and die." "Will he die, mother?" "No, my child, he will not die. He will keep on in this way for years, and finally get so he can play second fiddle in a veiy poor oichestia." Ix a Cincinnati grocery, a few clays since, was found an ear of corn described as follows : Length, 11 inches, ISroivs of grain, containing 60 grains each, making in all 1,080 grains, weighing, when shelled ol)', ll) ounces ; measiu ing 1 / pints ; circumference at middle of the ear before shelling, 8^ inches ; the giains measured jj of an inch in length : circumference of the cob at middle, 4£ inches, weighing ±1 ozs. Greye <v in Bntter county, Ohio. Thuly we live in parlour times. Re fleet on this, 0 kings! "A difficulty arose the other day when the mummy of King Merenra, the father of the Pharaohs.) recently found in Egypt, xi as being conveyed by train. At the station the booking-clerk refused to pass the dead monarch through what was once his own dominions without a declaration of his value and a corresponding payment. After a long dispute the mummy was paid for as a first-class traveller." It is rumored that the papa of the Pharaohs was placed in a smoking compartment, and exposed to the chaff of übiquitous "'Arry,' who always manages to pop up like a Jack-in-the-box where excitement is going on, whether in Egypt, Russia, Turkey, Timbuctoo, or Hades, ttiuely they could have placed the old gentleman in a cattle truck, where the company is at least respectable, and the companionship less degrading than '"Arry's." Shade of Merenta, old boy, accept our condolence. — Vanity Fair.