EPITAPHS.

Waikato Times, Volume XIX, Issue 1636, 30 December 1882, Page 6

EPITAPHS.

>B* J.-.K- "•, •

' Anybody casually reading' the heading of ' this page- would immediately -vote ' the f whole 1 of it dry, and, consequently, not worth fahile readings >'Now, lam tq^admit at the outsefc,"that "'Epitaphs " z»*ratfier atdom- " bre subject for a paper, for it is«generally,as- ( sociated ,with' tombstones; "tombstones with graves,' and graves with cemeteries^ So'fromJ ■this;it r may easily be, imagined what r a weird* and'.gKastly.'subje'Qtyj'Epita^lis'J'jmigHtiibe \\ ■butvstill' 'it ; iBtjBaid,Vtha^ a'^erflOEf litim'or^ oiislyjinclined c&)drftw<vblood'from?:afstdne7; or , r . more 1 strictly^speakfog, nfaMs fun oiitf of word " Epita^hflis {rom^hß'%e^kE^appfi,e and Taphos,- a- tombp andv%eans|s^methjng^ written upon a^to^,^ r ln.^he I 'olden!s^esfi^ shad ,general, meaning4but^n^6ufe.dit?d ? rtV " anyttiing'*of'< & ppetiQaliipr^epigrjunmaMpalf

Gteek, long before 6ver tneßiblg.was.given to 1 , t|e worlcf, l^^Mf^^t * s -' Now Jef us loolcat epitapSffeoiffii'ft hiimorousandmQr^ interesting pomf of . view. Many iuciiihiyo D§eh' written through ignorance, or fitfully,- for the sake of !fun. j I will cfuote speoiriiens^Biit cannot vouch for their 'corMtn&s. I afl 1 they were told to inei -|?7ithjthis. Brief preface let me introduce tFyou this^epitaph on d*-Mr. Jones, wellknown bone-collector, who, strange to say, died a natural death : — Here lies the bones of William Jones, Who, when alive collected bones ; 1 ' But Death; that bony, grizzly spectre, That most amazing bone-collector, Has boned poor Jones so snug and tidy, That, here he lies in lond-fide. Benjamin Franklin in his leisure hours, and * Goldsmith at his club, often tried composing epitaphs on one or another, but of all theirs none 1 will bear comparison (to quote the remark of an American editor) " with the elaborate conceit " of this one. On RxokABD Buttons, Esq. 0 ! Sun, Moon, Stars, and ye Celestial Poles, •Have graves then dwindled into button-holes ? < The quaint humour of the above is only surpassed by this, from a tombstone in a country churchyard in Ireland : — EiIEOTKD TO THE MEMORY 01" t THOMAS KELLY, Who was accidentally shot by his brothor. AS A MABK 03? RESPECT. Of course it can be easily seen that the meaning intended to 4 be conveyed, was, that the tombstone was erected 1 as a mark of respect. The writer was evidently unconscious of being the author of such a ludicrous double-cntendre. This curious epitaph may be still seen in an old churchyard in the county of Suffolk, England : — ' 1 Here lies the b«dy of Benjamin Brhikley, Who, tlio' hardy and strong, Was one (rest his soul), That, by misfortune, shot ' Himself with's gun. In the 23rd year of his age Ho departed this life, To the grief of his parents, Spectators and wife. — Amen ! In the following epitaphs there is a true American ring, a genuine Yankee humour,, j This one is on a Eobert Gordon, who" was j blessed by nature with an immense mouth :—: — Hero h6s the body of Robert Gordon, Mouth almighty, and teeth, accordin' ; Stranger, tread lightly over this wonder, If he opens his mouth, you're gone, by thunder ! The next one is from a grave yard in New Hampshire, United States : — - To all my friends I bid adieu, 'A more sudden death you never knew, , As I was leadin 1 the old mare to drink, She lucked, and killed me quicker'n a wink. , (Sigaed) TOM. The^ real fun in -the foregoing is the representation of the dead man. speaking, and speaking, too; in such 'a manner as to 'make believe that he was quito comfortable after such a melancholy event. I, myself, saw the following in an upcountry chnrch-yard in this colony. It was written on a headstone over the grave of a child who was choked by a teaspoon :—: — When I was young, I swallowed spoon, Which sent me to my happy home. After this who will say that one cannot enjoy himself in a churohyaid ?