Humour. THE CODE.

Waikato Times, Volume XIX, Issue 1619, 18 November 1882, Page 2 (Supplement)

Humour. THE CODE.

One Sunday at Montgomery we weije talking about duels, and when the names 'tf several parties who had gone out in 'past to satisfy their honor were mentioned n the Judge knocked the ashes off his cigar arid' said": " Gentlemen, it may be mentioned right here that I have been there myself." " Were you challenged ?" " I was. It was over in South Carolina, and I called a man a liar. He sent me a challenge, and I selected swords as the weapons. We met at 7 o'clock the next morning. It was just such a morning as this— bright, beautiful and full of life." " And how did you feel ?" " Very queer. I shall never forget my sensations as I saw my rival, and he seenled to be as visibly affected. We couldn't either one of us say a word." " Was it in a grove ?" "Oh no ; it was at the depot;." " The depot ! Why, you didn't fight at the depot, did you ?" " Well, no. The morning express trains passed there at 7, and he took one and I the other !" — Detroit Free Press.

JSVLANCING THE ACCOUNT. "No one has a right to find fault with another unless he credits him with his good qualities, otherwise it would he keeping books of debt without credit," said Deacon Solum to Dan Pelter, both residents of a lively little town in Maine. " Wall, then, Deacon," answered Dan, " I'll give ye credit fur bein' a good smoker, and I'll then have er right ter charge ye with borrowin' too much terbarker off from me." — Exchange.

NO WEATHKII I'HOI'UKT. A Lowkll man, a gentleman, and a scholar, figiuos the weather problem in this wise : Theic is a large amount of snow yet on the hills, and in the forests to the windward of us, and we shall not have warm weather until this melts, and it cannot melt until we have some warm weather. Consequently, when it comes to prophesying, he gives it up. — Lowell Citizen.

took hill. Lumciious things will sometimes happen in the most holemn places. I venture to give the following, hoping that it may not displease the most proper : * At the funeral of a certain well-known member of the San Francisco bar in 1868, the pieacher failed to indulge in the usual harmless diveision of eulogizing the deceased — only reading the regular burial litual. The omission was noticed and keenly felt by a friend of the departed. " Poor Bill," said he, as he took his last look at his old chum, his voice tiembling with emotion, " you and I have often wandered over the town together. I supposed I would have been called^away first; I wish I had. It has been ordered otheiwise." Then, after looking sternly a moment at the derelict clergyman in the pulpit, lie added, "I had thought on this occasion something good would have been said about you, but it has not been done. I would like to say something good about you myself, but — I can't. Then, breaking down completely, he was gently removed. — [San Francisco Post.

rJtW'l'-n AND GIASS BALL SHOOTING. To a reporter who asked for the result of the glass ball shooting of the Leatherstocking Gun Club, of Oswego, a meirther answered : " No, sir ; wo are not going to tell you fellows anything more about, those scores. We are going to put them in the secretary's hands, and he'll have instructions what to give you. Here Igoup to church and try to pray every Sunday. I get down on my knees after my name has been in the paper as winning first money, second money, or third money, and the first thing I know, somebody is looking down on me and saying : • There's that darn cuss down on his knees praying after he's been gambling all the week,' and • I don't like it." So the gentleman wouldn't tell the reporter anything about the shoot, but told him about the transactions of their meeting last night. His remark fairly raises the question — Is glass ball shooting sinful, and can it be conscientiously pursued by a Christian sportsman ? We wish our clergy would clear up this question and afford a correct moral guide to the conscience o£ our friend and others like him. — [Oswego Palladium.

EJLTXAVHY APliOl'Ob Of KKHOSUNU. With oil of coal who lights the fire Will be knocked like a kite, but higher. Against coal oil I oft gave warning, But Bridget's fiiends are now iri mourning. Not to use petroleum I Mary did advise, But alack-a-day her body in the kirk-yard lies. 'Twere better far o'ei oil to linger Than with coal oil to burn your finger. Kindle with kerosene, then ride ye Like the Prophet of old — Elijah. The kerosene kitchen help is a peripatetic firebug. Dickery, dickery, dock, The oil set fire to her frock, The flame was red, and fehe was dead, Diekery, dickery. dock. Put on the kindling, dash on the oil, When the me bums the kettle will boil, When the can bursts the house is a flame, And, as. is usual, there is no one to blame. Ah, indeed, what might have been, Were it not for kerosene. There now. — Philadelphia Times.