Humour.

Waikato Times, Volume XIX, Issue 1598, 30 September 1882, Page 2

Humour.

FABLES OF ZAMBRI. A famishing traveller, who had run down a salamander, made a fire and laid him alive upon the hot coals to cook. Wearied with the pursuit which had preceded his capture, the animal at once composed himself, and fell into a refreshing sleep. At the end of a half hour the man stirred him with a stick, remarking : "I say 1 wake up and begin toasting, will you ? How long do you mean to keep dinner waiting, eh ?" " Oh, I beg you will not wait for me,'-' was the yawning reply. "If your are going to stand upon ' ceremony, everything will get cold. I wish, by the way, you would put on some more fuel ; I think we shall have snow." " Yes," said the man, " the weather is like yourself — raw, and exasperatingly cool."

A man carrying, a sack of corn up a high ladder, propped against a wall, had nearly reached the top, when a powerful hog passing that way leaned against the bottom to scratch its hide. " I wish," said the man, speaking down the ladder, "you would make that operation as brief as possible ; and when I come down I will reward you by rearing a fresh ladder especially for you." 11 This one is quite good enough for a hog," was the reply ; " but I am curious to know if you will keep your promise, so I'll just amuso niyself until you come down." And taking the bottom rung in his mouth, he moved off away from the wall.

THE OWL, THK COCK AXB THE WKAZKIi. "Awful dark — isn't it?" said an owl one night, looking in upon Iho roosting hens in a poultry house. " Don't sec how lam to find my way back tor my hollow tree." " There's no necessity," replied the cock ; " you can roost there along side the door and go home in the morning." " Thanks," said the owl chuckling at tho fool's simplicity : and, having plenty of time to indulge his facetious humor, he gravely installed himself upon the perch indicated, and shutting his eyes, counterfeited a profound slumber, lie was aroused soon after by a sharp constriction of the throat. "I omitted to tell you," said the cock, "that the seat you happen by the merest chance to occupy is a contested one, and has been fruitful of hens to this vexatious weazcl. I don't know how often I have been partially widowed by the sneaking villain." Eor obvious reasons there was no audible reply. This narrative is intended to teach the "folly — the worse than sin — of trumping your partner's ace.

\ THE MAN AND THE GOOSE.. A |man was plucking a live goose when his victim addressed him thus : " Suppose you were a goose, do you think .you would retfeh this sort of thing?" 11 Well suppose I were," answered the man, " do you think you would like to pluck me ?" "Indeed I would," was the emphatic, natural, but injudicious reply, " Just so," concluded her tormentor ; " that's the way I feel about the matter."

THE OSTRICH AND THE NEdRO. "Itis a waste of valor for us to. do battle," said a lame ostrich to a negro who suddenly came upon her in the desert. " Let us cast lots to sea who shall be considered the victor, and then go about our business." _To this propostion the negro readily consented. They cast lots — the negro cast lots of stones, and the ostrich cast lots of feathers. Then the former went about his business, which consisted of skinning the bird. Moral : There is nothing like the arbitrament of chance. That form of it known as rilc-bi-joorie is, perhaps, as good as any. THE ICONOCLAST AND THE CANNIBAL. An iconoclast once essayed to convince a cannibal of the folly of idolatry. " For instance," he said, ," . "herd is this palm-tree ' beneath which wo^are^,'sitting. You might with one portion of -it make a*V- - club wherewith to bill mo : spit a, haunch of me oV" ~J \, t a "second, and, having roasted, ft over" a fire; made,; < ' "J" J with a third, sit down to it on * fourth that «erved; "' y .you, as a chair,;,, then -pick ygur teeth' with Y a,fiftli\ ,"'-- . '.fragment, ,-praise for ypur ' delightful t me»lsfV; ♦-1 "" Idol^catfea ont^f 5 : :r ,