Humor.
HIS HONOR AND UIJAH. Tnih was the bong which a piisoner was heard singing while his honour was signing the warrants : — '• Oh ! I'm old, and lame, And my cash is gone ; Add 1 limp my way Through the world alone." " Something sad in that voice,"' whispered his Houour as ho li.stened. " Yes, it makes one think of dying 'way off lraotg strangers and being 1 bqriod face downward, 1 ' replied Bijah as he wiped his eyes. ' ; Then the" voice came again — " My Mends have all left mo, I'm weary and sad ; There's nothing in life To make my heart glad." "Poor man ! poor man !" sighed his Honour. '• Bring him out nml lpt's fee • what we can do to cheer his downcast i spirits " " I'll give a dollar in cash and an old t overcoat," said the 1 clerk, who was deeply moved. ' 1 " And 1 11 add another dollar and a pair of boots," replied Bijah as ho disappeaied after the singer. A long minute passed. Then a voice' was heard calling. " You come out of that or I'll jerk you out !" ' " You can't do it !" " Come on, I say !" ' "I won't!" Then' there was a scuffle, yells and grunts 'and shouts, and Bijah dragged out an old chap about 60 years old and held up his bloody finger and said : " That's the kind of a sad man' he is ! He's bitten my finger to the bone !" "Any man wbo> lays a hand on me dies like a dbrg !" shouted the old man as he' danced around, and it was several ' minutes before he could be quited down sufficient for his Honor to say : < " V Prisoner, is your name William: Cka-r ham? ' \M§P 08eu 'tis— what of it?" demanded tbePman. '^ ' ' ; -. "Nothing — nothing at all. I don't care two cents whether you are William Graham or OKarlesHenryM'lntyre.' 5 •, "Nor -I either!" • t >' " Very well, we will then proceed to businessVYou'we'ropidkedinp drunk last night;" >t . 1< ? ' ■ ' •' '■ t *"' Prove ifc if- you* kin!? 1 ur i >', ,* \ > r * u - Celt Jihly, \ Here- i» the office? vrho 4oVn . Officer/ was this; man $dßonfc?"-fl'«'!»n j-f-fv * -" "- s '<;>"■ - h<-, 1 \-<«C)^a drjank, yonr.Honor.'J l^, , , l( , fv nfsA« WHer6 ditt:ybu*find'him?.'^>R >^' s , $ *:- stra\f,'r j vh'e:help^himBelf;B''^"^>r| v h'e:help^him8elf;B''^"^>r| fJ ' Jt 64sfNot45bitt«i]f^ha4>toj,caU^a>priTute T-'tfi ymys- -, " s 1 1& » : N * '- ? ' . % '"f^ ft&s£.M r U^'^ ,r,, r , >&\ -'> *'" {> '- 2 *"& J.
watchman to help me load him on a wheelbarrow, and he came down here like a load of cabbage." " Well, prisoner, what have you got to say to that?" "Be keorful how you tackle me !" replied .the old., chap, .as. he off. " I'm the big grey wolf from the head waters of Fighting Greek !" " You bet I don't let—let nobody abase -"-^Tnd I shall therofore-eeiid you upjor three months.',' . ,w "You can'b do' it!'' i But he did. After an obstreperous priboner had' tie'eri pinched up and squeezed together until both edges of him are as thin' as an inch board; he is apt to become docile. l—Detroit Free JFVcm. '
Oh, a jolly old fish'is the ojs'ter fish', As be sits in his pearly shell,'' A-thinking how many a dfelicate'dish He can make'when'cook-fed well. Broiled or roast , ' > Served on toast, "' Or raw on a dainty platter; ( Escallop or. stew, < f Either will do, . i Or fried in crumbs or batter, Aud ji knowing old fish is the oyster bird, ' ' ' ri ' • As he slowly seem's todoze ; ' For he drops not a hint," he speaks not a word ' '. ' . ' Of all the recrets he knows — Blissful hours, • Shady bowers, , i / Whisperinp-8 low, and sweet; Boosy delight^, -. < Merry old night, . . ( When jolly old cronies meet.
OLD AUNT SUKKY. ;,/ Old Aunt Sukey, who lives, on Austin Avenue, is know to be tye stingiest woman in the city., Old .Hose, cut; up a load of tough oak wood for her a few days ago, and she refuted ,to pay him more thau a, quarter, about half the -us>ual price. .'J Aun.tnSukqy,." „ B,£udJVfgse, '• I wish you had been in de Garden' ob Eden instead ob'Ebe.'?, " What do yer mean, Uncle Mose ?" " Nutfin', 'cept you would hab, eat de hull appl^ yerself, an' not gib Adam none*, and 'we would hab escaped de cuss. —Texas B'tftings. ,
THE DIFFERENCE. ,Only a few mprs notes, • } Only a finer tone : And lo ! the world'bows dovrn Before the singer's throne.. Only the same old thoughts Clothed with a sweeter sound : And lo ! a poft's brow With laurel leaves is crowned. Only a finer ear, Only a swifter skill ; And lo ! the artist plays On human hearts at will. Only a tint or line,' . . , • > Only a subtler grace ; • \ • < Awl lo ! the world goes mad ! " , Over a woman's face. Yet though feo slight tho cause' '" For which men call us great, This shadethe more or' lea ' <! May fix an earthly fate. ' For few may wield the power ' Whobe spells uplift, or thrill ; The barrier fixed, yet fine^ '/ , ' Wo may not pass at will.— - Exchange
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Waikato Times, Volume XIX, Issue 1583, 26 August 1882, Page 2 (Supplement)
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815Humor. Waikato Times, Volume XIX, Issue 1583, 26 August 1882, Page 2 (Supplement)
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