Thank you for correcting the text in this article. Your corrections improve Papers Past searches for everyone. See the latest corrections.

This article contains searchable text which was automatically generated and may contain errors. Join the community and correct any errors you spot to help us improve Papers Past.

Article image
Article image
Article image
Article image
Article image
Article image
Article image
Article image
Article image
Article image
Article image
Article image

Humor.

HIS HONOR AND UIJAH. Tnih was the bong which a piisoner was heard singing while his honour was signing the warrants : — '• Oh ! I'm old, and lame, And my cash is gone ; Add 1 limp my way Through the world alone." " Something sad in that voice,"' whispered his Houour as ho li.stened. " Yes, it makes one think of dying 'way off lraotg strangers and being 1 bqriod face downward, 1 ' replied Bijah as he wiped his eyes. ' ; Then the" voice came again — " My Mends have all left mo, I'm weary and sad ; There's nothing in life To make my heart glad." "Poor man ! poor man !" sighed his Honour. '• Bring him out nml lpt's fee • what we can do to cheer his downcast i spirits " " I'll give a dollar in cash and an old t overcoat," said the 1 clerk, who was deeply moved. ' 1 " And 1 11 add another dollar and a pair of boots," replied Bijah as ho disappeaied after the singer. A long minute passed. Then a voice' was heard calling. " You come out of that or I'll jerk you out !" ' " You can't do it !" " Come on, I say !" ' "I won't!" Then' there was a scuffle, yells and grunts 'and shouts, and Bijah dragged out an old chap about 60 years old and held up his bloody finger and said : " That's the kind of a sad man' he is ! He's bitten my finger to the bone !" "Any man wbo> lays a hand on me dies like a dbrg !" shouted the old man as he' danced around, and it was several ' minutes before he could be quited down sufficient for his Honor to say : < " V Prisoner, is your name William: Cka-r ham? ' \M§P 08eu 'tis— what of it?" demanded tbePman. '^ ' ' ; -. "Nothing — nothing at all. I don't care two cents whether you are William Graham or OKarlesHenryM'lntyre.' 5 •, "Nor -I either!" • t >' " Very well, we will then proceed to businessVYou'we'ropidkedinp drunk last night;" >t . 1< ? ' ■ ' •' '■ t *"' Prove ifc if- you* kin!? 1 ur i >', ,* \ > r * u - Celt Jihly, \ Here- i» the office? vrho 4oVn . Officer/ was this; man $dßonfc?"-fl'«'!»n j-f-fv * -" "- s '<;>"■ - h<-, 1 \-<«C)^a drjank, yonr.Honor.'J l^, , , l( , fv nfsA« WHer6 ditt:ybu*find'him?.'^>R >^' s , $ *:- stra\f,'r j vh'e:help^himBelf;B''^"^>r| v h'e:help^him8elf;B''^"^>r| fJ ' Jt 64sfNot45bitt«i]f^ha4>toj,caU^a>priTute T-'tfi ymys- -, " s 1 1& » : N * '- ? ' . % '"f^ ft&s£.M r U^'^ ,r,, r , >&\ -'> *'" {> '- 2 *"& J.

watchman to help me load him on a wheelbarrow, and he came down here like a load of cabbage." " Well, prisoner, what have you got to say to that?" "Be keorful how you tackle me !" replied .the old., chap, .as. he off. " I'm the big grey wolf from the head waters of Fighting Greek !" " You bet I don't let—let nobody abase -"-^Tnd I shall therofore-eeiid you upjor three months.',' . ,w "You can'b do' it!'' i But he did. After an obstreperous priboner had' tie'eri pinched up and squeezed together until both edges of him are as thin' as an inch board; he is apt to become docile. l—Detroit Free JFVcm. '

Oh, a jolly old fish'is the ojs'ter fish', As be sits in his pearly shell,'' A-thinking how many a dfelicate'dish He can make'when'cook-fed well. Broiled or roast , ' > Served on toast, "' Or raw on a dainty platter; ( Escallop or. stew, < f Either will do, . i Or fried in crumbs or batter, Aud ji knowing old fish is the oyster bird, ' ' ' ri ' • As he slowly seem's todoze ; ' For he drops not a hint," he speaks not a word ' '. ' . ' Of all the recrets he knows — Blissful hours, • Shady bowers, , i / Whisperinp-8 low, and sweet; Boosy delight^, -. < Merry old night, . . ( When jolly old cronies meet.

OLD AUNT SUKKY. ;,/ Old Aunt Sukey, who lives, on Austin Avenue, is know to be tye stingiest woman in the city., Old .Hose, cut; up a load of tough oak wood for her a few days ago, and she refuted ,to pay him more thau a, quarter, about half the -us>ual price. .'J Aun.tnSukqy,." „ B,£udJVfgse, '• I wish you had been in de Garden' ob Eden instead ob'Ebe.'?, " What do yer mean, Uncle Mose ?" " Nutfin', 'cept you would hab, eat de hull appl^ yerself, an' not gib Adam none*, and 'we would hab escaped de cuss. —Texas B'tftings. ,

THE DIFFERENCE. ,Only a few mprs notes, • } Only a finer tone : And lo ! the world'bows dovrn Before the singer's throne.. Only the same old thoughts Clothed with a sweeter sound : And lo ! a poft's brow With laurel leaves is crowned. Only a finer ear, Only a swifter skill ; And lo ! the artist plays On human hearts at will. Only a tint or line,' . . , • > Only a subtler grace ; • \ • < Awl lo ! the world goes mad ! " , Over a woman's face. Yet though feo slight tho cause' '" For which men call us great, This shadethe more or' lea ' <! May fix an earthly fate. ' For few may wield the power ' Whobe spells uplift, or thrill ; The barrier fixed, yet fine^ '/ , ' Wo may not pass at will.— - Exchange

Permanent link to this item
Hononga pūmau ki tēnei tūemi

https://paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/newspapers/WT18820826.2.32

Bibliographic details
Ngā taipitopito pukapuka

Waikato Times, Volume XIX, Issue 1583, 26 August 1882, Page 2 (Supplement)

Word count
Tapeke kupu
815

Humor. Waikato Times, Volume XIX, Issue 1583, 26 August 1882, Page 2 (Supplement)

Humor. Waikato Times, Volume XIX, Issue 1583, 26 August 1882, Page 2 (Supplement)

Help

Log in or create a Papers Past website account

Use your Papers Past website account to correct newspaper text.

By creating and using this account you agree to our terms of use.

Log in with RealMe®

If you’ve used a RealMe login somewhere else, you can use it here too. If you don’t already have a username and password, just click Log in and you can choose to create one.


Log in again to continue your work

Your session has expired.

Log in again with RealMe®


Alert