THE EFFECT OF CULTURE, OR HOW AN EAST LOCKPORT YOUNG CIRL ASTOSISHED) HER PARESTS.

Waikato Times, Volume XIX, Issue 1574, 5 August 1882, Page 6

THE EFFECT OF CULTURE, OR HOW AN EAST LOCKPORT YOU NG CIRL ASTOSISHED) HER PARESTS.

A few months ago the daughter of an East Lockport man who has grown com - foitably well oil' in the small grocery line, was sent away to a "Female College,'' anil recently &he arrived home for the holiday vacation. The old man \va& in attendance at the depot when the train arrived, with the old hor&e in the delivery wagon to convey his daughter and her trunk to the house. When the train stopped a bewitching array of dry goods and a widebriinmed hat dashed from the car and flung itself into the elderly party's arms. "Why, you superlative pa !" she exclaimed, "I'm ever so utterly glad to see you." The old man was somewhat unnerved by the greeting, but he recognized the sealskin cloak in his grip as the indentical piece of property lie had paid for with the bay mare, and he sort of squat it up in his arms aud planted a kiss where it would do the most good with a report that sounded above the noises to the depot. In a brief space of time the trunk and the attendant baggage were loaded into the wagon, which was soon bumping over the liubbles toward home. "Pa, dear," said the young Miss, surveying the team with a critical eye, do you consider this quite excessively beyond ?" "Hey ?" returned the old man, with a puzzled air ; "quite excessively beyond what ?" "Oh. no, pa, you don't understand me," the daughter explained • "I mean this wagon and h6i'se. Do you think they are soulful ?— do you think they could be studied apart in the light of a symphony, or even a simple poem, and appear as inteusely utter to one on returning home as one could express ?'' The old, man twisted uneasily in his seat and muttered something about he .believed it nsed to be used for an expies3 before he bought it to deliever . pork in, but t the , conversation appeared to be travelling in tsuch. '- a , lonesome direction that lie pitched ?the, horse, a > resounding ("crick on, the rotunda, -and /.severe jolting; ■ over the frozen-ground preventing further remarks.!. ,, ., , '-«,< „ ,- 7 <- \ ? 4VOh, there is that lovely and xonsum- , mate' ma I screamed the ' returned col-

legiatess, as they drew up at the door, atid presently she was lost in the embraces of a motherly woman in spectacles. " Well, Maria," said the old man at the supper table, as he nipped a piece of butter off the lump with his own knife, an', how'd you like your school ?" "Well, there, pa, now you shou — I mean, I consider it far too beyond, " replied the daughter. It is unquenchahly ineffable. The girls are so sumptuously stunning — I mean grand— so intense. And then the paities, the balls, the rides — oh, the past weeks have been one sublime harmony." " I s'pose so— l s'pose so," ners'ously assented the old man, as he readied for his third cup, " half full"—" but how about your books— readin', writin,' grammar, rule o' three— how about them ?" " Pa ! don't !*' exclaimed the daughter reproachfully; "the rule of three! grammar. It is French and music and painting and the divine in art that have made my life the bos — I moan that have rendered it one unbroken flow of rythmic bliss, — incomparably and exquisitely all but." The grocery man and his wife looked helplessly at each other across the table. After a lonesome pause, the old lady said : " How do you like the biscuits, Maria ?" "They are too utter for anything,' 1 gushed the accomplished young lady, "and this plum preserve is simply a poem in itself." The old man rose abiuptly from the table and went out of the room, rubbing his head in a dazed and benumbed manner, and tho mass convention was dissolved. That night he and his wife sat alono by the stove until a late hour, and at tho breakfast table the next morning he rapped smartly on his pkte with tho handle of his knife and remarked : "Maria, me an' your mother have beon talkin' the thing over, and we've come to the conclusion that this boardin 1 school business is too utteily all but too much nonsense. Me a -id her c.c nsider that wo havtn't lived sixty-oJd consummate jcaib for the purpose of r.iwn' a curiosity, an there's goin' to be a stop put to this unquenchable foolishness. Now, after you've finished eatin' that poem of fried sausage an' thnt symphony of twisted dough-nut, you can take an' dust up staiis iv less 'an two seconds, an' peel off that fancy gown an' .put on a oaliker, an' then come dojvn here an' help your mother wash' dirties, t want it distinctly understood th'afc'theie, , ain't g-oin' to be no more rythmic foolishness in this house, so long's your superlative pa an' your lovely an' 'consummate ma's lunnin' the rancho. Yon hear me, Maria ?' — Loelqwl Union.

SM VRT AD VEp,TISI> G . Aoookmnu to the Parisian' papers, an enterprising 1 Ameiican advertiser has been turning 1 the twenty-two mandarins recently sent- on a sort of drag-vet mission by tho Son of Heaven to all the powers of America and Europe, under the leadership of the eminent diplomatist, Clan", cousin, twenty-five times removed of Prince Kong, into animated sandwiches. The Emperor of China, it seem", confided them to the care of an Englishman long 1 a l'esid^nfc in the Celestial Empire and familiar with all the languages of modem Europe. When the embassy arrived at Washington, this Englishman was persuaded by the ciafty manager of tho Chiuefce -Anglo-Franco* American Tea Company, by the promise of a liberal share in the profits, to represent to the mandarins that " The best tea is that of the Chineso-Anglo-Franco-American Tea Oompiny " was tho English equivalent of *■ I humbly thank you for the honor you havq conferred upon me" in Chinese, and that "It 1b the only tea that does not produce uleeplpssnotvs," stood for " May you live for a thousand years." On the following morning, when they wore presented to President Arthur, the President delivered a brief and complimentary allocution. At its conclusion tho Mandarin Clausr replied with solemn emplnuu-s : " The best tea is that of the Chinese-Anglo-Franco- American Tea Company," and the twenty-two other mandarin*, knocking their foreheads against the floor of tho White House, echoed in chorus : "The bc-l te.i is tout of the ChineseAnglo - Fianco - American Tea Company. 1 ' Gen. Arthur's face expressed his surpri«p, but the envoys, in their inclined position, did not notice this and the delegation retired with another profound bow and the valedictory salutation : "It is the only toa that does not produce sleeplessness." The same performmce was gone through with at Windsor Cattle; then, the treacherous translator having taught the envoys that " Le metlleur the cst lo the do la Societo Chinese," &c, wuh the propm- salutation lo return to President Gievy nnd their Fieitch visitors, they were tnken to France. Then they went the round of Europe, everywhere announcing- to royalty and nobility the excellence of the tea in question. Tho Emperor William, it is added, was inclined to be ugly, thinking ho was being insulted, but the Empress calmed his agitation. That the advertisement was micces t ful is indicated by tho fact tint the company ib dividing a monthly profit of $200,000 among its stockholders.