ECHOES FROM THE CAFE.

Waikato Times, Volume XVII, Issue 1449, 15 October 1881, Page 4

ECHOES FROM THE CAFE.

That political humbug, Dr Walhs, noc inaptly named "Doctor Doublc-shufHc, has been addressing the eloctois of City West, " the silly fools who sent him to Wellington, '' as one of our legislators described the "free and independent " of the colony. There was nothing oiiginal, nothing cl<M er in his speed). I did not go to hear him, m I do not approve of his manner or his matter. O»i one occasion I heaid him preach, and his speeches are .is dull find uninteresting as hu seunon.s. It was a fine Sunday afternoon, and I was enjoying a quiet stroll when 1 saw a small church, in which service was being held. In an evil moment I obeyed the piomptings of my curiosity, and went m to sco and hear what was going on. I soon discovered that I was in a Prehbytoiian church. A tall, cadaverous-looking man was in the pulpit, and soon after I sal down he began to preach. His sermon evidenced a considerable amount of ability, but when he proceeded to use an illustration taken from surgery— an illustration which should nc\cr have been used by a man when preaching to a congregation composed mainly of women and children — I had had quite enough of that sermon, and I came away then. On enquiry I found that the pieacher was Dr Walhs. I did not hear him speak publicly again until I heard him make a speech at the opening of the Free Public Library Then his speech was far from cheerful, though theio were seveial laboied attempts at wit. If his is a fansample of Scottish wit, which I believe it is not, I can readily understand the necessity for the surgical operation which is required by a Scotchman before he can see the point of a ioke ! Talking about not being able to see the point of a joke reminds me of a fiiend of mine who had a sister uunied to a German, and who was employed in the .store of his brother-in-law, which was much ficquentcd by a number of Gei-inan-3. My friend was in the habit of telling amusing little stories and joUes to the Germans, but they did not seem to see w heie the laugh came in. One day, howc\er, he had told a seiy amusing stoiy to one of the Teutons, but he did not even grin. He went away, but a e turned in tl.e afternoon. He sat in the store near my friend for upwards of an hour, not a woid being said bj either. At last the (!ei man began to laugh, ,iud he continued to laugh for about ten minutes, being unable lo leply to in} friend's enquiry as to what lie was laughing at. When he hid lecovered fiom his laughing fit he explained, "I vas siioost laughing atdatshtoiy you told me dish morning.' It had taken him six hours to discovei the point oi the iokc. To return to Di Wnlhs. Not content with telling Ins audience what lie had done (which was vciy little), and what he had not done (which was a gieat deal), he poiued foith a torrent of abuse of the neuspapeis of the colony in goncial, and the AuiUand livening Sttn m paiticul.u. As a matter of course, the editor of the film gave him a Roland foi his Oliver in the shape of a severe castigation for his impudent mendacity. Nothing abashed, Dr Wallis sent a lettei to the >V«j lepljing to the aiticle. which letter was full of pievancalion, shufllmg, and something woise. The letter was published in the Star with a foot-note by the editor, in winch Dr Walhs got a 1 athcr w 01 so castigation than the foi mer one, though not one whit less than he deponed. Ido not think he will send anothei letter to the Slat . A tolegiam fiom Wellington conveys the information that it is liiniorcd that >Sir Aitluu 1 Goidon is going to England and is not going to letum to New Zealand. Ido jiot think that many people m the colony hope that the rumor i a not well-founded. He ceitamly is not a popular Go\ernor. Ue ne\ei Ins been that m the whole couisc of his gulieruatoual (that's a big won! to s,i> when you aie in ahmi > ) caicei. No one seems to hive dm doped a great liking for him, and the \oiy gcneial belief that it was owing to Ins kind ei'ioils that the Squudion did not call heic, has not added to Ins popnlauty in Auckland. But he dots not like Auckland 01 its people When lie lauded heie he had to walk thiough the mini fiom the A\h.nf to the platioim which had bcou elected in front of Owen and Gialiam's ttoios, the o\«'i l;iociis <>n the tuumpluil aich (what had been done to d""«cive a tiiumphal nidi) had turned blown, many of om lcudui" citi/cns wcie conspicuous by then ab^ime, and "oui aimy"wasa slight for gods and men — seventeen ofliccis and si\ pi n ates. Alto gether his leception was a i.ithci " sick ' aU'an, and when he found what a \ci> difleient reception had been <j,\\on to Cole's en cus, he was "nled pietty considerable" as biothei Jmiithan Mould pay. No ! lie does not like Auckland 01 its people. The tumour goes on to say that thiro aio higher lionoms in stoit foi him. What aie they, .md what has he done to deserve them ? It the Butish settlers in Ki|i had any "-ay in the m.ittot they would be Mimlar to the " lugliei honouis " confenedon Haman Ben Agajr. Esq., after Monleeai Ben Jair, Esq , had succeeded him as premier of Media and Poisia. It nnibt be very pleasant living in Melbourne, if what the correspondent there of the Sydney Mow tut/ Jlexild t-ays is a true statement. He says " Yoang savages break into a public house, beat the landloid, destroy his pi opeity, insult his wife, consume his liquor, and stone the police sent in piusuit of them. And we are quite helpless in the face of these lilthy riots, for the police know it is little use interieriiig, the magistrates only fine the scoundiels in nominal sums, 01 admonibh them to be good boys for the futuie, and hence the larrikin is absolute master ot the situation. Hawks, as w e know, do not pick out hawk's eyes ; and as the bulk of our legislator are ot the larrikin class, we are not likely to have any severe legislation against their own order." Pretty haid on the legislators, is it not? Our law-makers are bad enough, but very few of them, few even of the Greyites, belong to the larrikin class. Yes !it must be pleasant living in Melbourne, if this is a "true bill." 1 was living there about thirty years ago, when the gold fever was at its height, but, in spite of the scarcity of policemen (there is always a scarcity of policemen when there is a row going on, but they were scarcer than ever then, as almost everyone was away at the diggings) the people of all classes wore, almost invariably quiet and well-behaved. Now, however, things arc changed. "What is the cause of the change ? Free education, secular education, manhood suffrage, vote by ballot, or a paid legislature, or all of them combined, or neither of them ? It is a riddle to which I confess that I do not kno.v the answer. I wonder how much, longer this quarantine farce is to be played. Tho mail steamer arrived from Sydney at, or soon after daybreak on Tuesday morning, but it was not until two o'clock in the afternoon that tho mails which sho brought arrived at the Post-office. They had been sent down to Motu Ihi to be fumigated. When, passengers arrive from Sydney they are vaccinated, if they have not enjoyed the operation bofore leaving Sydney, and lot loose. The mails and luggage, however, are sent down to Motu Ihi to be fumigated. There is nothiug to prevent a man taking out of his trunk, and patting on a freah suit of clothes just ;

before he comes round the North Head. That suit is supposed to be all right, but the rest of hii clothes are all wrong, and must bo fuumratcl. If the icst of his clothes need fumigation so does the suit lie is wo.inngr, and if that does not need to be fuiniiwtcd neither do the »cst ot his I'lothcs. The fumigation is .1 f irep and a nuisance and should be btoppod St Alungo.